»Hush
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
" I just wanted to tell you; I miss you."
Ok, FYP sucks. ):
We are completely put in ' fast-forward' mode now.
Yes, you guys want ALOT from us.
bleah.
Ok, I need to work harder though.
and i am still always wishing;an earthquake will bring bodynits down.
lol.
stressed.
I havent finish my 2 other VSM.
I AM DEAD.
Ok, beside that..
I am feeling sad about something;
yadayada, i am always sad abt something.
Its just that I was really close with my cousin when i was younger.
Ok, when she was younger too.
So now, she's in secondary school
I feel sad, because there are gaps between us.
We can no longer hang out together,
have sleepovers and chat till the dawn.
Or we also couldnt go shopping for pretty letters.
I treasure bonds alot.
Especially, when you mean alot to me.
Well, in her case.
She means a portion of my heart;
a big portion.
So, I feel sad when we meet..
And we dont have anything to say! ):
Sometimes, i really wonder..
Maybe everyone is all grown up.
I am just the one, whose unwilling to break from the shell.
I dont know what to do.
What can I do now?
Inter-personal relationships are so confusing.
You just need alot of communication.
Sigh, I am such an idiot and a sucker in this.
Fail.
I wonder where's my reset button. ):
We are completely put in ' fast-forward' mode now.
Yes, you guys want ALOT from us.
bleah.
Ok, I need to work harder though.
and i am still always wishing;
lol.
stressed.
I havent finish my 2 other VSM.
I AM DEAD.
Ok, beside that..
I am feeling sad about something;
yadayada, i am always sad abt something.
Its just that I was really close with my cousin when i was younger.
Ok, when she was younger too.
So now, she's in secondary school
I feel sad, because there are gaps between us.
We can no longer hang out together,
have sleepovers and chat till the dawn.
Or we also couldnt go shopping for pretty letters.
I treasure bonds alot.
Especially, when you mean alot to me.
Well, in her case.
She means a portion of my heart;
a big portion.
So, I feel sad when we meet..
And we dont have anything to say! ):
Sometimes, i really wonder..
Maybe everyone is all grown up.
I am just the one, whose unwilling to break from the shell.
I dont know what to do.
What can I do now?
Inter-personal relationships are so confusing.
You just need alot of communication.
Sigh, I am such an idiot and a sucker in this.
Fail.
I wonder where's my reset button. ):
Labels: life sucks, problems, relation, sigh
words spilled @ 6/30/2010 11:22:00 PM /
> leave goosebumps here ⋄
»FOX HOLE
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
"Sometimes, some things are better left unsaid and left unknown."
Seriously, am I really making so many people worried?
People have been coming forth; asking on how am I.
I am perfectly, really fine!
Maybe I should stop tweeting; lol!
Ok, I wont! I am such a big blabbermouth.
I cant stop talking or expressing myself.
But maybe I need a private twitter.
Cos sometimes, i don't want the attention.
I just needed a place to vent everything and anything.
(Thats what a private blog is for.)
Bleah.
Okay, so a quick recap of what happened.
FYP meeting ; not a blast.
But we managed to get out advisor stressed up.
His ears were red and his veins were popping.
We were just stating the facts.
10 hours in office = waste time.
So, we talkedargued , and well.
At a point of time, I wanted to cuss.
Not at facci, but the bloody problem.
Ohwell, my temper is haywired.
I am pms-ing, i guess.
sheesh.
After FYP, took bus to compass.
slept like a log, i was so tired. ):
I always get stressed when it comes to FYP.
Had dinner with fam at the restaraunt; betted for tonight's match.
hoho.
i cant watch, cos..
1) comp spoiled
2) tml need wake up ass early.
So, now...
I am going to close all my internet thingy.
And do my summary, rj and whatever need to be done.
K, thanks, bye! (:
P.S.P.S ; I need to fcuking buck up!
Cannot score another bloody grade.
Where has your brains gone to, dumbass.
- I ALMOST FORGOT to post something -
Yea, totally. (:
Okay, so a quick recap of what happened.
FYP meeting ; not a blast.
But we managed to get out advisor stressed up.
His ears were red and his veins were popping.
We were just stating the facts.
10 hours in office = waste time.
So, we talked
At a point of time, I wanted to cuss.
Not at facci, but the bloody problem.
Ohwell, my temper is haywired.
I am pms-ing, i guess.
sheesh.
After FYP, took bus to compass.
slept like a log, i was so tired. ):
I always get stressed when it comes to FYP.
Had dinner with fam at the restaraunt; betted for tonight's match.
hoho.
i cant watch, cos..
1) comp spoiled
2) tml need wake up ass early.
So, now...
I am going to close all my internet thingy.
And do my summary, rj and whatever need to be done.
K, thanks, bye! (:
P.S.P.S ; I need to fcuking buck up!
Cannot score another bloody grade.
Where has your brains gone to, dumbass.
- I ALMOST FORGOT to post something -
Reasons why most people say “Nothing” when asked “What’s wrong?”
- They don’t feel like explaining because they’re afraid you won’t understand.
- It’ll make them feel worse if they do because the subject is just being brought up again.
- They don’t know what’s wrong.
- Privacy / Personal space
- Afraid of being judged.
- They don’t want anyone worrying about them.
- Tired of hearing the lie that “It’ll be alright.”
- its obviously about you.
- They just don’t want to talk about it
Yea, totally. (:
Labels: a day, day in school, fyp, meeting
words spilled @ 6/29/2010 09:35:00 PM /
> leave goosebumps here ⋄
»Tears
I dont have e link of whr this pic came from, sorry!
"Sometimes, you appear in my dreams."
Laaaawl.
I really have to agree to this picture.
You always come into my mind whenever I listen to songs when I am on the way home.
Sometimes, i tend to think so much.
That I forgo the chance to have a nap in the bus.
Well, I am learning to let go.
It hurts, but its ok.
I am ok, really.
Ok, not really.
haha.
A friend texted me last night.
"No matter how much you cross your fingers or toss coins.
Whats yours would be yours, if you cant get it.
You wont get it."
I know where that phrase came from; Tumblr!
I am touched that she actually did that.
Thanks babe; really. (:
Sometimes, I really need a tug to pull me from this depth.
Naww, its ok.
I am thinking about it lesser now.
I have friends who are struggling too.
Let's fight this through,shall we?
And its funny; the more you crave for that relationship.
You wont get it.
Well, a spoilt kid like me..
Who gets what she wants since young.
This is very much another lesson to learn from.
And eh, I think I am going to create a playlist.
And put all chinese songs into it.
No, i am not a huge fan of chinese songs.
Just that, i got intro-ed into it.
And major spam or maybe boycott that playlist.
Hahah.
Ok laaaa, I am going back to KPOP soon.
At least I am much familiar to that;
"I know the hell I cant get you, but I will still support you."
"I can go crazy over you without people saying that i am nuts."
Ya, KPOP guys.. Been there, done that.
Not new.
ahahaha. (:
talk less, think less, hurt less.
so much better.
Grace yeoooo!
i cant wait to meet you and have super long talks.
well, and maybe cry infront of you.
Whenever I think back to secondary school, you are always the one i run to.
Your school uniform, always got my tears. LOL
I wanna escape into another place.. for now
Updates on school; class - 3 teams.
So boring.
Tried dried ban mian; I keep burping.
SO MALU! ):
And when having lunched,
I choke on the food and turned into a strawberry colour.
So malu ttm.
And FYP meeting at 4.30
NOT LOOKIG FORWARD TO IT.
Tml, FYP meeting.
SHIT AGAIN.
ah, fml fml fml fml! ):
sucks.
-updates-
I saw this from ruth blog.
She reblogged from a tumblr.
I love it.
"I’m sorry I constantly want to talk to you. I’m sorry when you take long to reply I get sad. I’m sorry if I love hearing your voice. I’m sorry that I love getting missed calls and waking up to texts from you. I’m sorry if I can come off clingy, but it’s just me missing you."
-judychau
Naiseeee,right?!
Super naise, i like it. (:
And eileen sent me this link; a really pretty braccelet.
Indiesin
Click 'Indiesin' to see it! (:
Sigh, prettttttty.
Ohyes, cant help feeling guilty again.
I want to say, but i cant say. Sorry! ):
But well, some of them knew whats going on.
Sorry guys, REALLY! ):
Laaaawl.
I really have to agree to this picture.
You always come into my mind whenever I listen to songs when I am on the way home.
Sometimes, i tend to think so much.
That I forgo the chance to have a nap in the bus.
Well, I am learning to let go.
It hurts, but its ok.
I am ok, really.
Ok, not really.
haha.
A friend texted me last night.
"No matter how much you cross your fingers or toss coins.
Whats yours would be yours, if you cant get it.
You wont get it."
I know where that phrase came from; Tumblr!
I am touched that she actually did that.
Thanks babe; really. (:
Sometimes, I really need a tug to pull me from this depth.
Naww, its ok.
I am thinking about it lesser now.
I have friends who are struggling too.
Let's fight this through,shall we?
And its funny; the more you crave for that relationship.
You wont get it.
Well, a spoilt kid like me..
Who gets what she wants since young.
This is very much another lesson to learn from.
And eh, I think I am going to create a playlist.
And put all chinese songs into it.
No, i am not a huge fan of chinese songs.
Just that, i got intro-ed into it.
And major spam or maybe boycott that playlist.
Hahah.
Ok laaaa, I am going back to KPOP soon.
At least I am much familiar to that;
"I know the hell I cant get you, but I will still support you."
"I can go crazy over you without people saying that i am nuts."
Ya, KPOP guys.. Been there, done that.
Not new.
ahahaha. (:
talk less, think less, hurt less.
so much better.
Grace yeoooo!
i cant wait to meet you and have super long talks.
well, and maybe cry infront of you.
Whenever I think back to secondary school, you are always the one i run to.
Your school uniform, always got my tears. LOL
I wanna escape into another place.. for now
Updates on school; class - 3 teams.
So boring.
Tried dried ban mian; I keep burping.
SO MALU! ):
And when having lunched,
I choke on the food and turned into a strawberry colour.
So malu ttm.
And FYP meeting at 4.30
NOT LOOKIG FORWARD TO IT.
Tml, FYP meeting.
SHIT AGAIN.
ah, fml fml fml fml! ):
sucks.
-updates-
I saw this from ruth blog.
She reblogged from a tumblr.
I love it.
"I’m sorry I constantly want to talk to you. I’m sorry when you take long to reply I get sad. I’m sorry if I love hearing your voice. I’m sorry that I love getting missed calls and waking up to texts from you. I’m sorry if I can come off clingy, but it’s just me missing you."
-judychau
Naiseeee,right?!
Super naise, i like it. (:
And eileen sent me this link; a really pretty braccelet.
Indiesin
Click 'Indiesin' to see it! (:
Sigh, prettttttty.
Ohyes, cant help feeling guilty again.
I want to say, but i cant say. Sorry! ):
But well, some of them knew whats going on.
Sorry guys, REALLY! ):
Labels: day in school, days going by
words spilled @ 6/29/2010 02:29:00 PM /
> leave goosebumps here ⋄
»KACHINGZ
"his old jacket, her old heart."
I am getting emo; again.
I am shaking this feeling off now.
So, I shall start doing something i love and do best at.
Write.
-Beating hearts, broken.-
Her eyes glanced at the boy to her right.
She was new here, the awkward turtle stage creeped into her.
No, she was alright.
She knew some people here, wait..
There's a few friendly face.
She told herself to breathe, she did.
Inhale she goes, and exhale she went.
Her heart suddenly broke into a sprint as someone barged through the door.
What a fright did that person gave her.
But wow, what a person.
She looked at that new boy who hurriedly took a seat,
another new awkward turtle.
But didnt she expect.
he was her awkward turtle.
------
They peered into each other eyes; his breath stroking her lips.
She was so sure, this was a dream.
It didnt feel real, but it doesnt matter now.
He was there.
His eyes curved into inverse moon, and planted a kiss at her forehead.
He murmured his heart was beating for another reason.
It was her.
She wasn't unaware, she knew he loved her.
She wasn't sure before, but now..
She was, and she heard his steady heart beating to each breath.
Her heart trembled and the butterflies came alive again.
Her stomach fluttered.
She didnt remember this to happen.
They said this was chemistry, wasn't it?
No words could explain how her body reacted to this.
She felt as if she left her body to an angel.
The feelings muted at one go, and unleashed at another.
These feelings were secondary when he pressed his lips against hers.
---------
In the midst of the morning, she opened her eyes.
Her heart was still beating fast, but where was she.
And ah, she realised.
It was a dream.
A dream, so sweet that as if honey replaced the blood pumping through her veins.
Suddenly, the overwhelming feeling rushed into her body.
No, this time.
No him, it was her alone.
In her room, hugging her legs tightly to her body.
She rocked back and fourth.
There was no love to receive those overwhelming emotions.
Only those unexplainable tears.
------------
RAWR.
Ok, Ignore the upper part.
I get into a system overload when i get upset.
yesyes, I really think I need a psychiatrist.
And whats funny, it was just that little thing that sparked this system overload.
Naw, I am not going to say it.
Its just that.. LITTLE THING!
Heh.
Ok, I am currently contemplating privating my blog.
Lol, but friends are going to complain.
but hell, who reads my blog.
Especially its so long-winded!
And, I dont know.
I have sorted through my memories these few days.
I recalled what happened last time.
I shall just be straight.
Anyway, he wouldnt be reading this too.
Well, there's this very nice friend of mine.
A friend whom I terribly thankful to.
Someone, I believed is very hurt from how I act.
Actually, we were like buddies. Really close buddies.
I am so thankful to him because I was special to him.
He even said that he enjoyed reading post that my best friends rarely read.
As I mentioned above, its TOO long.
He said, he understood from my point of view.
He would always give me a smile whenever we meet or see each other.
Honestly, he's probably one of the guy that I have ever webcam with at wee morning.
To me, he's such a caring older brother to me.
The guy who treated me with respect and always encouraging me.
Note; he behaves like a gentleman.
But after a small incident, or maybe..
I became too rude, or neglected some people.
I stopped contacting him.
How rude can I be?
He was such a nice person! ):
Now, remembering what happened.
I DETEST MYSELF for actually allowing this thing to happen.
I really hate it.
I lost a special friend.
I am so sad.
*sits at the corner & draw circle*
EMO LAAAAAA.
WAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!
I am getting emo; again.
I am shaking this feeling off now.
So, I shall start doing something i love and do best at.
Write.
-Beating hearts, broken.-
Her eyes glanced at the boy to her right.
She was new here, the awkward turtle stage creeped into her.
No, she was alright.
She knew some people here, wait..
There's a few friendly face.
She told herself to breathe, she did.
Inhale she goes, and exhale she went.
Her heart suddenly broke into a sprint as someone barged through the door.
What a fright did that person gave her.
But wow, what a person.
She looked at that new boy who hurriedly took a seat,
another new awkward turtle.
But didnt she expect.
he was her awkward turtle.
------
They peered into each other eyes; his breath stroking her lips.
She was so sure, this was a dream.
It didnt feel real, but it doesnt matter now.
He was there.
His eyes curved into inverse moon, and planted a kiss at her forehead.
He murmured his heart was beating for another reason.
It was her.
She wasn't unaware, she knew he loved her.
She wasn't sure before, but now..
She was, and she heard his steady heart beating to each breath.
Her heart trembled and the butterflies came alive again.
Her stomach fluttered.
She didnt remember this to happen.
They said this was chemistry, wasn't it?
No words could explain how her body reacted to this.
She felt as if she left her body to an angel.
The feelings muted at one go, and unleashed at another.
These feelings were secondary when he pressed his lips against hers.
---------
In the midst of the morning, she opened her eyes.
Her heart was still beating fast, but where was she.
And ah, she realised.
It was a dream.
A dream, so sweet that as if honey replaced the blood pumping through her veins.
Suddenly, the overwhelming feeling rushed into her body.
No, this time.
No him, it was her alone.
In her room, hugging her legs tightly to her body.
She rocked back and fourth.
There was no love to receive those overwhelming emotions.
Only those unexplainable tears.
------------
RAWR.
Ok, Ignore the upper part.
I get into a system overload when i get upset.
yesyes, I really think I need a psychiatrist.
And whats funny, it was just that little thing that sparked this system overload.
Naw, I am not going to say it.
Its just that.. LITTLE THING!
Heh.
Ok, I am currently contemplating privating my blog.
Lol, but friends are going to complain.
but hell, who reads my blog.
Especially its so long-winded!
And, I dont know.
I have sorted through my memories these few days.
I recalled what happened last time.
I shall just be straight.
Anyway, he wouldnt be reading this too.
Well, there's this very nice friend of mine.
A friend whom I terribly thankful to.
Someone, I believed is very hurt from how I act.
Actually, we were like buddies. Really close buddies.
I am so thankful to him because I was special to him.
He even said that he enjoyed reading post that my best friends rarely read.
As I mentioned above, its TOO long.
He said, he understood from my point of view.
He would always give me a smile whenever we meet or see each other.
Honestly, he's probably one of the guy that I have ever webcam with at wee morning.
To me, he's such a caring older brother to me.
The guy who treated me with respect and always encouraging me.
Note; he behaves like a gentleman.
But after a small incident, or maybe..
I became too rude, or neglected some people.
I stopped contacting him.
How rude can I be?
He was such a nice person! ):
Now, remembering what happened.
I DETEST MYSELF for actually allowing this thing to happen.
I really hate it.
I lost a special friend.
I am so sad.
*sits at the corner & draw circle*
EMO LAAAAAA.
WAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!
Labels: days going by, emo, late nights, sadded
words spilled @ 6/29/2010 12:07:00 AM /
> leave goosebumps here ⋄
»Silence sounds so good now.
Monday, June 28, 2010
I have never been very close with boys.
Unless, we have common friends or common topics.
If not, I wouldnt hang out or talk to them.
I am always the 'awkward turtle' when I am with boys.
Sure, i have guy friends.
But not much.
The guys normally I can talk to, are soft spoken ones.
Or those who are as loud as me.
Or crappish people.
And no offense, but I communicate better with malay guys.
Like it feels that they do not judge,
so it feels very comfortable for me to talk to them.
I usually have the thoughts that I may have the pheromones that attracts girls to me.
Like pretty girls, so I am usually friends with cute and pretty girls.
But mostly to those who are really nice in the inside.
(LOL, i watch too much anime. Hahah..)
But sometimes, I really secretly wished;
That I was those types of girls who can talk to boys without;
Feeling or looking awkward.
I do have ALOT of friends who are like this.
They are really close to boys.
Their best friends are well; boys.
haha.
I have once imagined if I was like that..
Then I would be dead.
Hahah, cos I am a very sensitive person.
Not forgetting, emotional.
I tend to fall for people who are nice to me.
Like, if you helped me or something.
I will like you.
LOL.
(I am totally exposed right here!!)
So, if thats the case..
My friendships wont last.
Wouldn't it?
Thats why sometimes, it really bugs me.
As I remembered what my secondary school english teacher said (Ms Jasmine Lee),
Guys & Girls rarely have PLATONIC friendships.
Its pretty much like rubbish.
Girls and guys come together.
Or maybe guys?
For one reason, just to date.
Hahah. Its true.
Based on my past experience and what I see from the friends around me
; this is pretty much true.
Once they realize they cant date you, they just fly off.
Maybe not ALL boys.
But most cases happens like this.
Isn't it.
-Sigh-
i hope this wasnt counted as an emo post.
Cos I said I want to lessen those posts.
haha.
Been having the tumblr-ing sessions.
Love the pics.
Anyway, Monday is well.. the day where you have the blues.
I am having them. Bleah.
And how I wish; I was more truthful to the people who cares for me.
but sometimes, i just dont want to say.
Because, there is a risk.
Even though good friends we may be, but..
Secrets tends to get slipped out.
So, I will keep this mum..
Among the circle.
Sorry guys. ):
I will tell you guys 1 day.
I would! But not now..
So lessons were boring as usual.
Facci, another new one.
but better than previous week, lol!
I just didnt have the mood.
I just kept tumblring.
I know i am procrastinating.
Cant help it.
(SUCH AN EXCUSE)
Saw him today, but...
What really happened?
I just pretend.
Bullshit la.
Pssh, nonsense only.
Cos I am getting jealous over nothing.
They were just chatting, so?!!!!
wtf, I believe im the 'possesive' type.
lol.
Just now in bus, was showing the pictures from tumblr to amanda.
She likes it too!
There is a quite a few pics we agreed on.
lol,
Like the one I posted in top.
"Friends we may be. But can we dont be friends?"
Cos I think I love you.
P.S even though we had a long talk.
The longest one ever!!
Like compared to our other conversation.
Yesterday night, so far..
Was the longest!
But sadly, sometimes..
my heart just goes to a 'force close'
I dont know, in my eyes..
You are just so almighty.
You are a tree that wont be uprooted,
no matter how strong the winds were.
But we are all humans, arent we?
*sigh*
Even Amanda thinks that because 我得不到你;
that's why i crave so much for you.
I am scared, once I have gotten what I want.
I will just throw you away.
And break you once again.
You look strong, but inside..
Lays a porcelain heart.
Maybe for the benefit of me and you,
I have to make sure I really really will treat with you care.
And not have any issues with how you look, how you talk or how you act.
Its silly of me to think like this.
but i dont want to hurt another person.
Sigh, but for now.
I just know..
I am craving for you really badly.
I like you, you silly doofus.
I like how you care about how I feel.
or how am I feeling.
Even though I know it might just be a lie. (:
Unless, we have common friends or common topics.
If not, I wouldnt hang out or talk to them.
I am always the 'awkward turtle' when I am with boys.
Sure, i have guy friends.
But not much.
The guys normally I can talk to, are soft spoken ones.
Or those who are as loud as me.
Or crappish people.
And no offense, but I communicate better with malay guys.
Like it feels that they do not judge,
so it feels very comfortable for me to talk to them.
I usually have the thoughts that I may have the pheromones that attracts girls to me.
Like pretty girls, so I am usually friends with cute and pretty girls.
But mostly to those who are really nice in the inside.
(LOL, i watch too much anime. Hahah..)
But sometimes, I really secretly wished;
That I was those types of girls who can talk to boys without;
Feeling or looking awkward.
I do have ALOT of friends who are like this.
They are really close to boys.
Their best friends are well; boys.
haha.
I have once imagined if I was like that..
Then I would be dead.
Hahah, cos I am a very sensitive person.
Not forgetting, emotional.
I tend to fall for people who are nice to me.
Like, if you helped me or something.
I will like you.
LOL.
(I am totally exposed right here!!)
So, if thats the case..
My friendships wont last.
Wouldn't it?
Thats why sometimes, it really bugs me.
As I remembered what my secondary school english teacher said (Ms Jasmine Lee),
Guys & Girls rarely have PLATONIC friendships.
Its pretty much like rubbish.
Girls and guys come together.
Or maybe guys?
For one reason, just to date.
Hahah. Its true.
Based on my past experience and what I see from the friends around me
; this is pretty much true.
Once they realize they cant date you, they just fly off.
Maybe not ALL boys.
But most cases happens like this.
Isn't it.
-Sigh-
i hope this wasnt counted as an emo post.
Cos I said I want to lessen those posts.
haha.
Been having the tumblr-ing sessions.
Love the pics.
Anyway, Monday is well.. the day where you have the blues.
I am having them. Bleah.
And how I wish; I was more truthful to the people who cares for me.
but sometimes, i just dont want to say.
Because, there is a risk.
Even though good friends we may be, but..
Secrets tends to get slipped out.
So, I will keep this mum..
Among the circle.
Sorry guys. ):
I will tell you guys 1 day.
I would! But not now..
So lessons were boring as usual.
Facci, another new one.
but better than previous week, lol!
I just didnt have the mood.
I just kept tumblring.
I know i am procrastinating.
Cant help it.
(SUCH AN EXCUSE)
Saw him today, but...
What really happened?
I just pretend.
Bullshit la.
Pssh, nonsense only.
Cos I am getting jealous over nothing.
They were just chatting, so?!!!!
wtf, I believe im the 'possesive' type.
lol.
Just now in bus, was showing the pictures from tumblr to amanda.
She likes it too!
There is a quite a few pics we agreed on.
lol,
Like the one I posted in top.
"Friends we may be. But can we dont be friends?"
Cos I think I love you.
P.S even though we had a long talk.
The longest one ever!!
Like compared to our other conversation.
Yesterday night, so far..
Was the longest!
But sadly, sometimes..
my heart just goes to a 'force close'
I dont know, in my eyes..
You are just so almighty.
You are a tree that wont be uprooted,
no matter how strong the winds were.
But we are all humans, arent we?
*sigh*
Even Amanda thinks that because 我得不到你;
that's why i crave so much for you.
I am scared, once I have gotten what I want.
I will just throw you away.
And break you once again.
You look strong, but inside..
Lays a porcelain heart.
Maybe for the benefit of me and you,
I have to make sure I really really will treat with you care.
And not have any issues with how you look, how you talk or how you act.
Its silly of me to think like this.
but i dont want to hurt another person.
Sigh, but for now.
I just know..
I am craving for you really badly.
I like you, you silly doofus.
I like how you care about how I feel.
or how am I feeling.
Even though I know it might just be a lie. (:
Labels: boys, but i love u.., day in school, everyday life.
words spilled @ 6/28/2010 04:24:00 PM /
> leave goosebumps here ⋄
»Brushing past
Sunday, June 27, 2010
I have realised, I am very unhealthy.
Especially the state of my mind.
After reading through my friend's blogs, I have realised.
How I pale in comparison to them.
Especially with my recent emo postings.
Argh, even reading my post makes me feel horrible.
I will try to cut down on those!
So, here comes the updates.
On Thursday night, I had a nice surprise from a best friend of mine.
(Actually, more of a friday morning.)
Grace called me!
I didnt know she called me though,
till I went to my room to take something.
And I saw, a missed call!
Apparently, I get worried if a best friend calls me late at night.
As, she doesnt do that at all.
Ok, who in the right mind will call someone in wee morning.
Unless something happened, right?
So I immediately called her back; (it was around 1am+)
And; guess what..?
What she did was endearing!
She asked what happened to me,
as her (neglected) twitter was filled with emo-ness from me.
And we talked for around 15minutes plus.
That 15minutes ; was precious..
I thank her, because she called as she was worried about me.
I was really touched.
Thanks gal, thank u!
I love u alotttt! ok?~!
Like what you said, i am just a few missed calls away. :P
But beside her, there are many people who were concerned about me.
Especially with my shaky psychological state.
My friends from my class were heartwarming, as usual.
My friends from other classes too.
Even friends whom I didnt meet; comforted me.
Thank you!!
So, that was friday wee morning.
As for the rest of the day, at 8am.
Singapore once again had lots of rain.
I heard the rain pelting on my windows, so I decided to snooze my alarm.
And go back to sleep.
Weird, I woke up at 10:45 because I needed to pee.
And the sky lightened,but there was still rain.
So, I washed up and changed my clothes.
because eileen texted me. heee.
So i went for school.
reached school at 12 plus.
did some work, had ban mian for lunch.
and ohyea! eileen..
I owe u money!
I realised I was broke when I opened my wallet.
really, I am broke.
not even a coin!
Spendthrift.
Had lunch, and well..
Presentation for 3 teams were pretty fast.
JB helped me to tell facci, that i did work and etc.
Thanks dude!
After 6P,go through UT answers.
Sighh, I hope I dont get another D!
PLEASE! NO!
Then end of lesson..
Talked to friends on MSN.
Suddenly, my hand started itching.
Draw on the board and I thought of an idea.
Play HANGMAN!
My favourite game. hahah!
And the class, I mean (remaining) classmates;
were pretty enthusiastic! haha.
I really had so much fun!
thanks guys. (:
Lol, I kinda remembered the scores.
CK - 2
Yenfi - 2
Wan - 1
Amanda - 1
Eileen - 1
I think thats all? hahah.
Ok, actually..
During the game I screwed up.
gave wrong descript for 'Prodigy'.. LOL
Haaa, had so much fun.
Thanks to amanda too.
she stayed back. (:
So, walked to interchange with the usual gang.
And we were talking; me and amanda were.
I said about nate and etc.
Cos I admitted, I told another person.
because i needed someone who can see whats going on..
And tell me what to do.
*sigh*
Then ziheng and amanda said; it was a wrong move.
because, I will just make it harder for me to forget.
BLEAH!
But so far; the responses I have gotten are pretty wide ranged;
- Dont give up, fight for it.
- Forget him, he maybe playing arounf
- Forget him unless u are really serious abt it.
- Dont give up, unless hes taken.
Sigh, how?!
You tell me how??!!
Now I have to make a decision amoung these choices.
Woah, hugeee man.
I need time. *sigh*
Ok, off with emo stuff.
Let me update u on saturday! Today.
Went to JB with my family.
I love family days.
I am a super family oriented girl, alright?!
Before heading to JB, went to compass point.
Buy toto and world cup matches.
And I saw the water bottle I like gg for $11~~ WAAA.
I like! (Y)
So, today was the first time I went JB.
Went to the causeway link, drive there..
Went to a market place for lunch; super yummeh!
The crayfish there is , like 2 or 3 times bigger than Singapore's.
yet so much cheaper.
Singapore; NO QC!!
After that, headed to a plaza.
Cant remember the name, went shopping!
hahah.
But the prices of the things in JB is almost the same as Singapore.
Sometimes, much more expensive.
not worth.
But bought a lil something.
Gotten myself fake nails, makeup and a hair clip!
Plus, I bought discs! :D
Gossip Girls, ahah!
Well, then had dinner at the Jap restaurant.
HORRIBLE FOOD; I tell you.
Damn gross.
After that, go home..
So now I am here blogging, and I have found out that;
the command of my english language has dropped drastically.
I am not speaking properly english.
Let alone type it.
Urgh, time to cut down on nonsense!
Another few points I want to make!
- Facebook sucks; keep having weird problems.
Such as telling me people commented on my status.
And when I check, all the comments are gone!
(Even previous comments from others!)
-Tumblr is an awesome and cheap therapist!
Love the quotes and pictures.
-I have a USB internet thingy from SIngtel.
Love it to bitssss.
- I thought of you alot, but I covered u with other stuff.
Sigh, I miss you. But its alright. :D
I am ok!
- I am dead tired, nights!
I will still like u! (I DONT KNOW!)
Especially the state of my mind.
After reading through my friend's blogs, I have realised.
How I pale in comparison to them.
Especially with my recent emo postings.
Argh, even reading my post makes me feel horrible.
I will try to cut down on those!
So, here comes the updates.
On Thursday night, I had a nice surprise from a best friend of mine.
(Actually, more of a friday morning.)
Grace called me!
I didnt know she called me though,
till I went to my room to take something.
And I saw, a missed call!
Apparently, I get worried if a best friend calls me late at night.
As, she doesnt do that at all.
Ok, who in the right mind will call someone in wee morning.
Unless something happened, right?
So I immediately called her back; (it was around 1am+)
And; guess what..?
What she did was endearing!
She asked what happened to me,
as her (neglected) twitter was filled with emo-ness from me.
And we talked for around 15minutes plus.
That 15minutes ; was precious..
I thank her, because she called as she was worried about me.
I was really touched.
Thanks gal, thank u!
I love u alotttt! ok?~!
Like what you said, i am just a few missed calls away. :P
But beside her, there are many people who were concerned about me.
Especially with my shaky psychological state.
My friends from my class were heartwarming, as usual.
My friends from other classes too.
Even friends whom I didnt meet; comforted me.
Thank you!!
So, that was friday wee morning.
As for the rest of the day, at 8am.
Singapore once again had lots of rain.
I heard the rain pelting on my windows, so I decided to snooze my alarm.
And go back to sleep.
Weird, I woke up at 10:45 because I needed to pee.
And the sky lightened,but there was still rain.
So, I washed up and changed my clothes.
because eileen texted me. heee.
So i went for school.
reached school at 12 plus.
did some work, had ban mian for lunch.
and ohyea! eileen..
I owe u money!
I realised I was broke when I opened my wallet.
really, I am broke.
not even a coin!
Spendthrift.
Had lunch, and well..
Presentation for 3 teams were pretty fast.
JB helped me to tell facci, that i did work and etc.
Thanks dude!
After 6P,go through UT answers.
Sighh, I hope I dont get another D!
PLEASE! NO!
Then end of lesson..
Talked to friends on MSN.
Suddenly, my hand started itching.
Draw on the board and I thought of an idea.
Play HANGMAN!
My favourite game. hahah!
And the class, I mean (remaining) classmates;
were pretty enthusiastic! haha.
I really had so much fun!
thanks guys. (:
Lol, I kinda remembered the scores.
CK - 2
Yenfi - 2
Wan - 1
Amanda - 1
Eileen - 1
I think thats all? hahah.
Ok, actually..
During the game I screwed up.
gave wrong descript for 'Prodigy'.. LOL
Haaa, had so much fun.
Thanks to amanda too.
she stayed back. (:
So, walked to interchange with the usual gang.
And we were talking; me and amanda were.
I said about nate and etc.
Cos I admitted, I told another person.
because i needed someone who can see whats going on..
And tell me what to do.
*sigh*
Then ziheng and amanda said; it was a wrong move.
because, I will just make it harder for me to forget.
BLEAH!
But so far; the responses I have gotten are pretty wide ranged;
- Dont give up, fight for it.
- Forget him, he maybe playing arounf
- Forget him unless u are really serious abt it.
- Dont give up, unless hes taken.
Sigh, how?!
You tell me how??!!
Now I have to make a decision amoung these choices.
Woah, hugeee man.
I need time. *sigh*
Ok, off with emo stuff.
Let me update u on saturday! Today.
Went to JB with my family.
I love family days.
I am a super family oriented girl, alright?!
Before heading to JB, went to compass point.
Buy toto and world cup matches.
And I saw the water bottle I like gg for $11~~ WAAA.
I like! (Y)
So, today was the first time I went JB.
Went to the causeway link, drive there..
Went to a market place for lunch; super yummeh!
The crayfish there is , like 2 or 3 times bigger than Singapore's.
yet so much cheaper.
Singapore; NO QC!!
After that, headed to a plaza.
Cant remember the name, went shopping!
hahah.
But the prices of the things in JB is almost the same as Singapore.
Sometimes, much more expensive.
not worth.
But bought a lil something.
Gotten myself fake nails, makeup and a hair clip!
Plus, I bought discs! :D
Gossip Girls, ahah!
Well, then had dinner at the Jap restaurant.
HORRIBLE FOOD; I tell you.
Damn gross.
After that, go home..
So now I am here blogging, and I have found out that;
the command of my english language has dropped drastically.
I am not speaking properly english.
Let alone type it.
Urgh, time to cut down on nonsense!
Another few points I want to make!
- Facebook sucks; keep having weird problems.
Such as telling me people commented on my status.
And when I check, all the comments are gone!
(Even previous comments from others!)
-Tumblr is an awesome and cheap therapist!
Love the quotes and pictures.
-I have a USB internet thingy from SIngtel.
Love it to bitssss.
- I thought of you alot, but I covered u with other stuff.
Sigh, I miss you. But its alright. :D
I am ok!
- I am dead tired, nights!
I will still like u! (I DONT KNOW!)
Labels: boys, but i love u.., friends, my day, shopping, tumblr, XOXO
words spilled @ 6/27/2010 02:37:00 AM /
> leave goosebumps here ⋄
»Expect less
Thursday, June 24, 2010
" Black is beauty "
I have always thought I was special to you.
Because you are special to me.
I have told my girlfriends about you.
They said, I am infatuated about you.
Whenever your name comes up, my heart leaps.
As if you are near me.
But, today.. All this changed.
Remember the day you asked me?
Why was I sad.
It was because of you.
I brushed it off, saying that I was under the weather.
And I caught you looking at me.
Suddenly, from that point.
I fell again, I fell into the thoughts that you cared.
That I was special to you.
The way you talked to me.
I became dependent on you.
You became the decision of my moods.
But again, I over-assumed.
I assumed you were talking to me.
I was thinking; this time round I could have someone special.
But I have thought too highly of myself.
I keep giving myself more hope.
Keep telling myself, the signs were clear.
Maybe I have already lost, when I thought there was a start.
How do I pick myself up right now?
How do I face you?
When I the harder I try, the sadder I am.
-Now, I just wish that we have never crossed path.-
I would see you so often, but no matter how much I try to avoid you.
The higher the chances that I will see you.
Do I have to be thankful that this isnt blow out of proportion?
Thank goodness, not many people know who you really are.
I dont need too many people to know who you are.
Because it would be harder for me to get over.
Goodbye, to the boy I liked so much.
Hello, to the friend whom I love so much.
"Expect lesser, so when something is given. You would be happy with it."
I didnt follow.
I expected too much.
So I am disappointed.
"This has never started, It was only me.."
I sat there alone, thinking about the smallest things.
And I cried.
I need to let go.
P.S ; I thought of this song.. All of a sudden..
“會痛的石頭- 箫敬腾”
Actually, these few weeks..
After knowing he likes chinese songs , i have been spamming chinese songs.
so weird.
p.s.p.s; gal, u asked me..
is sebastian and nate the same person.
yes, they are the same.
2 different name because of a reason.
*actually its a private joke, lol.
Ohwell, it doesnt matter anymore.
It doesnt.
I have always thought I was special to you.
Because you are special to me.
I have told my girlfriends about you.
They said, I am infatuated about you.
Whenever your name comes up, my heart leaps.
As if you are near me.
But, today.. All this changed.
Remember the day you asked me?
Why was I sad.
It was because of you.
I brushed it off, saying that I was under the weather.
And I caught you looking at me.
Suddenly, from that point.
I fell again, I fell into the thoughts that you cared.
That I was special to you.
The way you talked to me.
I became dependent on you.
You became the decision of my moods.
But again, I over-assumed.
I assumed you were talking to me.
I was thinking; this time round I could have someone special.
But I have thought too highly of myself.
I keep giving myself more hope.
Keep telling myself, the signs were clear.
Maybe I have already lost, when I thought there was a start.
How do I pick myself up right now?
How do I face you?
When I the harder I try, the sadder I am.
-Now, I just wish that we have never crossed path.-
I would see you so often, but no matter how much I try to avoid you.
The higher the chances that I will see you.
Do I have to be thankful that this isnt blow out of proportion?
Thank goodness, not many people know who you really are.
I dont need too many people to know who you are.
Because it would be harder for me to get over.
Goodbye, to the boy I liked so much.
Hello, to the friend whom I love so much.
"Expect lesser, so when something is given. You would be happy with it."
I didnt follow.
I expected too much.
So I am disappointed.
"This has never started, It was only me.."
I sat there alone, thinking about the smallest things.
And I cried.
I need to let go.
P.S ; I thought of this song.. All of a sudden..
“會痛的石頭- 箫敬腾”
Actually, these few weeks..
After knowing he likes chinese songs , i have been spamming chinese songs.
so weird.
p.s.p.s; gal, u asked me..
is sebastian and nate the same person.
yes, they are the same.
2 different name because of a reason.
*actually its a private joke, lol.
Ohwell, it doesnt matter anymore.
It doesnt.
Labels: its singled sadness, tears
words spilled @ 6/24/2010 10:13:00 AM /
> leave goosebumps here ⋄
»Let go.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
*PALM-SLAP*"It's Wednesday, and Hoooo; SCREW BODYNITS."
I am late for office again. AS USUAL.
Anyway, I need to start being punctual for class now.
My grades sucks badly.
Damn, everything is in chaos.
For Bodynits, VSM to be submitted in a week.
Si liao Si liao.
UT grades sucks too.
2 D+ ; wa! BEST.
How to go Uni?
Private uni also cannot make it.
How? Now already week 8 of Sem 1.
I dont have much time to buck up.
And the bad thing, is that QC is going to be in the hands of some new guy.
How?!
Good teacher = i score badly.
Bad teacher = can jump down.
Siao.
So, I was suggesting to Amanda.
Need to study with her frequently, and i told her about his grades.
So, she was like ; "You go study with him la!"
Wow, funny.
I am always jumpy when he is around,
Its impossible for me to study with him.
I go into a spasm mode when he is near.
I cant be myself, its that bad!
Bleah, I really hope time slow down.
Because i dont know what am I even doing.
I need to sort everything in order and make it right.
Just like in lean process.
Hwaiting, eunice.
Jiayou.
I was pretty messed up yesterday night.
Was procrastinating because I did not know how to do my RJ.
And my internet is even more messed up.
_|_
Shiok, right?!
I was also wanting to talk to him.
but I didnt want to be a nuisance with the signing in and out.
bloody annoying.
So, I decided to appear offline.
sad ttm.
whats even more sad, i know he's talking to other girls.
ok la, im super possesive! I admit!
Oh well, I just 'sian off' when he talks to other girls.
Its not good, so unhealthy for me.
Anyway, I am really glad.
I have talked to siyun today, and well..
The atmosphere was good, it wasnt hostile.
I really like that feeling.
Probably, I have stopped being mean.
- PROBABLY ONLY, OK?! -
I cannot promise my horrible mouth wont say anything.
But I really kinda like her, better than previously.
So, I had a great day today! (:
I have talked to siyun and I managed to get approval
or acknowledgment from michael and serene.
phew..
I am sooo happy when we left the company.
- glows -
So, brought ammy to buy pancakes.
durian pancakes, and dinner.
So, I just finished dinner and bathed.
Now i am chatting online.
But my internet keeps crashing.
it sucks so badly.
bleahh!
Its worse than Bodynits internet!
My house internet really stinks.
And well, daddy changed the plan to Singtel.
Bro said the speed would be slower.
*cries*
Sian, now..
I again dc-ed from the net.
How awesome.
I cant talk to people in peace without interrupting their chats.
With that status thing.
So horrible.
Starhub, can go fuck urself!
Anyway, I am happy when I talk to him.
But I am no longer as ecstatic as I was previously.
Now, my heart leaps a little when he talks to me online.
Its always a nice surprise to see his chat window there.
I likeeee.
Ok, for the next few para..
You can skip, cos it would be a bit gross to handle.
What I want to say is, I keep thinking..
What will happen if we really get together.
I think of the things we could do.
haha.
But sadly, when I think about it.
I dont want it to happen.
but when I get bored, I will want it to happen.
So horrible. T---T
I like you, but I may just kill you once again.
haaaa.
Ok la, I see whether can I log into MSN or not.
if not, I go sleep! :D
byessss. (;
Labels: boys, but i love u.., friends, fyp, nate, work
words spilled @ 6/23/2010 10:23:00 AM /
> leave goosebumps here ⋄
»TUESDAY
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
"Whenever I look away, I think of you.."
(i took this from tumblr; i will remove it if u want to.)
I am really sleepy. *sigh*
and FYP at bodynits again; so bloody boring.
class is slow today.
so slow.
and I am late as usual, i dont know why my eyes (contact lens)
is getting so blurry since the morning.
hate being handicapped with this contact lens.
And guess what; laptop got dead pixels..
My charger is close to being spoilt.
Why?
Cos it makes the popping sound when I tug at it.
Siao alr.
Later what if a fire breaks out?
(TOUCHWOOD).
CHOI CHOI CHOI!
Today is warehousing; so sian.
bleah.
EFF WHYY PEE = FML.
sian man.
Really, if wanna bomb.
Please bomb Bodynits.
Damn sian.
Ohwell, hope wednesday can be over with.
FASTERR.
Cant wait for friday.
grace's performance. heee.
Ahh, can i remove wednesday from my life?
it really sucks.
anyhoo, my leader keep forgetting the paper.
shit la, u want me to fail is it?!
):
ZZZZ, anyway.
Siyun has officially dropped the 'cold-war' bomb.
Sureeee, you wanna post that on Facebook?
Yea, I was feeling a little guilty before I read you post.
Bleah, I did treasure you too.
Wanted to be nice, TOO BADDDD.
12 years of friendship was just a quantity.
No quality in the friendship at all.
I was stupid enough to get happy of that sum.
And my facci say he smell smoke, lol!
cos the fire alarm ring just now.
-.-
And my classmates are laughing at him.
Poor facci.
I cant smell anything, because my nose is dripping.
so sian.
I am still a little sick.
Dripping nose.
*yawn*
Signing off.
P.S ; i miss u & ur such a cutie. (;
- UPDATES-
LAWL; I really cant stop but to type his name over and over again.
Its such a bad habit!
Terrible!
Anyway, I dare say..
When people get comfortable, they really will tell you anything and say anything.
tsk!
Hello, I know you regard me as a close friend but..
there are actually limits to my patience and nice-ness!
I can accept ur teasing, oh come on!
I am not NEW to teasings alright?
So, I would really prefer you to shut up.
And stop trying to get close to me.
I told you, I have my limits.
I want us to be FRIENDS only
Not close friends.
Get it straight, dude!
Anyway, I was lol-ing at some pictures.
Really cute ones! Gosh.
Ok,yes.. Him...
Hahah! I know, i am totally INFATUATED with this guy.
Bleah, its madness.
Even though UKISS came, I didnt go loco.
He was more important than UKISS!
Its crazy, but I kinda like it.
But there is a problem..
The sad problem is, I dont know why am I reacting in such a way at times.
I act as if he's not important, when he is! ):
I know, it hurts him.
Like in an ego way.
But when I think he's important, he runs away.
Hellooo?!
Am I fishing or what?
People did say that you can 'fish' a wealthy guy and etc,
but I didnt know love became fishing!
urggh, so confused.
Alright, need to do RJ.
BYE!
p.s p.s; girlfriend said that 'A' was trying to 'fish' more information from me.
O rly? -sigh-
So she kinda suspects uhh. *SIGH*
Labels: boring, class, sweet. classmate
words spilled @ 6/22/2010 02:26:00 PM /
> leave goosebumps here ⋄
»I always think
Thursday, June 17, 2010
"You whispered. But I hear nothing.."
The class is freezing.
Bleah.
I started class on Thursday.
Cos I have been on MC.
Sucks to be me.
These few days have been very hazy for me.
Coughing, blowing my nose, eat medicine, sleep.
That's like a routine for me.
I think it was that indian girl who sneezed at my face in Compass point.
If not, I wouldnt be sick.
(Lol, I am super certain.)
On one point, I think tuesday..
I woke up to see 96 msg. Mostly all tweets from MobiTweet.
It was crazy. haha.
I was super uncomfortable, because my throat swell from the inflammation.
And I cant sleep for nuts sake, my nose keeps getting blocked.
sucks to be me, lol..
I wont say FML. It isnt so bad. :D
I am positive, ok?
But when i think about the assessment on Friday (tml)
I really go FML FML FML x 1000.
haha, its crazy. ):
And Bodynits, ahh.. FML too, about them.
DISLIKE ttm.
Anyway, since I am back in class..
And well,suay suay in project management.
Urghh, got the myanmmar dude.
No, I dont hate him.
Just a lil irritated.
So, I am going to work hard?
Uhh, I was late for class.
So pretty much, this facci hates it.
LOL, he didnt see me early for 2 weeks.
whatever.
I prefer designing rather PM.
Suckssss.
Sigh, bad thingy is that.
He's not in school too.
It suckssssss, so badly.
Come back in a jiffy, alright?
I am already missing you.
And whats funny, I just smile like some idiot on the mention of your name,
Be it notification or what, but I just go crazy over you.
But sadly, after talking to sam.
I kept questioning myself.
Is my 'face' more important than liking you?
I dont know, maybe you are just a crush that doesnt go away.
Maybe till another 'target' comes into view.
But depends; cos I think..
What I am seeing is only you.
For now? Maybe..
Not only my heart is missing you.
I am grieving to the possible loss of a friendship.
Because, I feel like the distance between me & amanda is really growing.
Even with me in school, the bad thing is..
I didnt even want to find her now.
Maybe its because i know she would be with siyun.
Well, because after psycho-ing myself to 'like' siyun.
Erm, still a little bit difficult.
I couldnt help but to go 'awwww shit, i really dislike her'.
Thats why sometimes, I am very nice to her or I dont talk to her at all.
Hahah, a hugeeeee variation.
When I am nice to her;
- is when i find that she is nice
- is when I try very very hard to be friendly, so we wont be awkward
- when i dont see her and her boyfriend hugging.
When I dont talk;
- i am too tired to play nice.
- i am sick or im bored
- or im trying very hard not to scold her.
--------------------------------------------
Sigh, my nose is RUNNING! T_________T
Labels: friends, i am sick, im missing him
words spilled @ 6/17/2010 01:15:00 PM /
> leave goosebumps here ⋄
»was it what I said?
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
you didn't listen.
yea,I like you.
now I'm wondering why the fuck I do.
I like u when ur serious.
not acting like a kid nor a parrot.
gosh..
please someone throw me a guy who loves me and have the capability to make me love him too.
I have told my Mon about it.
and well,another realistic question.
How well do you know him?
not a bit.
really.
enough..
words spilled @ 6/15/2010 12:10:00 AM /
> leave goosebumps here ⋄
»Friendship & Petal of the sakura
Monday, June 14, 2010
"I can see our bonds thinning.."
No, this isnt a story. lol!
But well, I think maybe getting sick has made me got a little bolder.
Also, the fact of the people in this issue do not read my blog.
I guess, well..
from my previous post, i kinda have some problems with siyun.
yesyes, no.
We didnt clarify the problem.
Well, my FYP team mates said that its best not to.
I have already came clean with her on my blog.
So it does not matter anymore, right?
I do not really bother with how she looks at me.
It does not matter.
And if i mentioned in my past previous posts.
You may know, the group consisted of 3.
Siyun, Amanda & Me.
Pretty much, after siyun dated hafiz.
Amanda & I were close.
I thought we were.
Hahah, I always tend to assume my friendship is stable.
But well, and the sad truth is.
We aren't.
I can say that she's a really really good friend of mine.
But not to the extent, where we became bffs.
Naw, bffs do not exist anymore.
It's such a 'superficial' term.
I have awesome best friends.
No, I dont dare to put bffs.
Because, I know forever is kinda unrealistic now.
So, yea.. It sucks.
But nonetheless, I love my friends.
Back to the topic, of me and amanda.
Maybe, we are just making use of each other when we are alone.
Or maybe, me, eunice cheung is going into another phase..
The jealousy phase.. maybe..
will explain why, later..
Why making use of each other..?
Amanda had siyun previously, and well..
Listening to how they talk, they are very close.
And sadly, all my buds are not in RP!
They are out in other schools or having attachment,
So, I sticked with them.
So, after siyun and hafiz got on.
I was always with amanda.
I am happy she;s there, cos I have company.
And well, maybe I was a company to her as well.
When i needed advice, she was there too.
So it was really cool.
But well, recently..
Air cleared between them.
I wont say that I am utterly pleased.
(I am a person who's pretty much territorial of my friends, HAAA.
Bet you didnt know that..)
Cos I get miffed when my friends are 'stolen' from me.
But yeaa, siyun needs her fair share of buddies too.
Since everything is all about hafiz.
And she doesnt have gfs.
lol, im really bitchy at times.
like, when she's with hafiz.
Amanda and I would talk animatedly about them.
I know, I am horrible.
But I cant help it.
I was trying the "want this? then leave hafiz for a moment to join us." tactic.
Didnt work, I guess.
It backfired.
So now, amanda is close with siyun.
And well, I must be a little less selfish.
Cos, afterall she and siyun were pretty much close during year 2.
I shall not be jealous and mean.
Ok, why the title..
It because, I just felt jealous and I find that we were just using each other..
I dont need a full time best friend, but I just want you when I need you.
wtf am i even saying.
and as for nate..
Boy, i like you alot.
and i have kinda suspected whose your ex-girlfriend.
i was wrong for the 1st guess, hope I am wrong for the 2nd too.
but well, she fits ur criteria..
i think.
And ahhh,I read up a quote..
"Dont say I have changed. All I did was to find myself"
Well, everytime I will go..
"Ohh, you changed. and i find that we dont match as friends.."
But now, I cant say that.
Cos, well..
You are once my closest friend.
But now, you are another.
I love you still.
I have to admit, not as much when we were kids.
But sometimes I wonder..
Is it because of me?
Maybe everything started because of me.
I cant handle stuff properly.
I really need someone to guide me.
And I wonder where is that person..
GOSH..
my life is really fucked up by my own hands.
I really want to make everything right now.
Be as hardworking as Amanda..
Be as strong mentally, like you..
I just want to grow up and be more sensible.
Maybe the heavens have already gave up on me.
The fail blog eunice.. ):
OHSHITTT, it sucks..
Labels: boys, FAIL, friends issues, problems, school
words spilled @ 6/14/2010 04:56:00 PM /
> leave goosebumps here ⋄
»You are my pretty boy
Monday, June 07, 2010
YOOO!
Ok, so recently..
I have started a fic. LOL!
And its pretty much; yea..
About Nate!
Amanda read it today, so i recieved pretty crazy comments.
She said I was mad.
No, i am not.
I have been like that since secondary school.
Writing fics is my hobby.
And well, since I have been madly thinking about him..
I started a fic.
Cos I kinda know, once I start writing what I want in the fic.
I dont crave for it anymore!
Yes, I am not craving for it sooo badly now.
Actually, its funny to say.
I always have this mindset.
'Once written, it never happens. Because it's fiction.'
And why am i posting now?
Because suddenly, im not shivering with excitement when im talking to him.
Maybe my crush is over.
lol, fast eh..?
I am not a flirt, cos we have never started!~
Maybe i am saying this right now, but i may be another in the next.
haha, maybe?
Alright, time to get back to business.
Really need to pia for fyp alr.
*sigh*JIAYOU! :D
i dont wanna lose nor score badly..
Labels: boys, its over, jiayou
words spilled @ 6/07/2010 11:13:00 PM /
> leave goosebumps here ⋄
»The first step
Sunday, June 06, 2010
"I could hear your beating heart.."
Currently at Grace's house; overnight
Using her VAIO to blog. So difficult, totally not used to the keyboard.
So,YEAAAA, finally saw my besties. ):
Met grace at AMK Hub and was late for an hour.
Sorry darling!~
Treated her KOI as a 'pu chang'
(I havent paid her for dinner yet,though. :/)
So, we had dinner t MOS.
Took 25 to her house.
Went to her house to place my bag, before we headed to her grandma's house.
Sat there watching some crime show.
Then there came the Magnum Gold Advert, and she said she wanted it.
So we left her grandma house, and went to Cheers.
Sadly, cheers didnt have Magnum Gold.
So we took Cornetto.
Cornetto, you suck.
Walls, its time to remove Cornetto.
It taste awful.
Bad quality..
Wonder how did such bad QA lead to such a huge corporation?
So,after taking HUGE bites out of the $2.40 ice cream.
Both of us threw it away.
And we went to the senior corner to use their facilities.
Grace took the running, I took the rowing.
After fooling around, we sat down to talk.
Talking to her, makes me feel really really good.
I feel very comforted.
Then, we remembered Sam!
(called her when we were in AMK.)
SHe was on the way home,and tadaa..
There was John..
Fetching her back..
(When is it ever my turn to have this experience. -.-)
So Grace suggested a small talk for 3 of us.
And we went up to Sam's crib.
Sam and stick man, super cute.
They did the goodbye thing.
And awww, they look really sweet together.
Be happy, both of u.
Be very happy.
Grace and Raymond too!
Be happy together. :D
So, we talked about where Grace could study at.
And yea, both of them having their MST.
:/
Sadded.
Discuss, and sam showed us something.
Really sweet of her BF.
(SIGHHHH, getting emo)
*I totally feel, I dont use my brain to think at all.
Stupid.
I always talk without thinking.
Damnit.
Idiot.
Well, when we met up.
Grace kept pushing..
So I said Hi and etc.
Yeahyeah, Nate.. haha.
We talked abit, and she pushed further.
She asked me to text him,since my phone was dying.
Bad phone! But you created an opportunity!~
So texted him, and urghh.
Sigh, I just dont think I am going anywhere.
Maybe I have been too 'available'.
Yea, make urself, 'unavailable' sweety.
I need to. ):
I seriously sucks at 'playing games' with boys.
Sam said; you know anything about him?
Uhh, Not sure.
No, I dont.
Yea, hurrah!
I LOSE! ):L
Big L for meh.
Ohwell, see how it goes la.
Just remember, I cannot confess.
I cannot.
So malu.
Anyway, it sucks to be in RP.
Cos our vacation dates are totally messed up.
Other polys start their holidays 2 weeks later.
SHIT MAN.
I HATE YOU,friggin RP.
But I love how I can study in school that way.
So,please.. AMEND your dates. :/
Or NEVER amend it.
Since I am leaving school in a year or less.
You, make me part with my friends.
I DONT LIKE. ):
I wanna see my gfs...!!
Hang out with them or something.
Screw u, fyp.
):
*I think i got kissed by a mosquito.
So itchy. ):
Aww shucks, I miss you ttm. :/
And Bro is coming back!
Yea, no more empty house.
I want MORE holidayssss.
Sucks to be back in school.
Esp, QC is going to be a biatch.
Hooo, and FYP assessment.
Ahh, shit shit shit.
Not good.
I dont like.
SUCKS MAN!
Urgh,whatever.
I am going to sign off.
Yea, I miss u; ALOT!
EDITS
Just finished studying MST with grace.
went through the notes with her..
after gg through all the notes, she played the piano.
(no worries, her piano got headphones, so i used the headphones.)
she played 'shuo zai jian' by jay chou and yiruma river flows in you, and another song.
so beautiful.
asked her teach me wedding dress.
ruth wanna listen. haha.
sigh, hw i wish i know how to play piano.
has been/and i am thinking of getting a keyboard.
good or no good?
my house no place to put piano. ):
sad!
jiayou jiayou!
gg to use toilet then sleep.
need wakeup early.
"i hope your ears were itching, cos i miss u"
Labels: friends, im missing him, stayover
words spilled @ 6/06/2010 12:25:00 AM /
> leave goosebumps here ⋄
»Losing Grip
Friday, June 04, 2010
I seriously need to get a grip on myself.
I feel myself slipping away.
Its FYP,yet I feel that I am not doing my all
sigh, I really need to focus on my FYP.
I know I am worried, but I am not doing anything
Why so? I am not sure too.
All I am concerned is to talk to you.
I dont see you, I go insane.
When i see you, I get insane too.
Everything is you,you,you.
I dont know what to do right now.
I miss you so easily.
Now I really need to focus on FYP.
im distracted so easily!! ):
CANNOT!!
FYP FYP FYP
My HOD too busy, to teach me.
sigh.
"I pray for you, whereever you are and whatever you are doing. I will always miss & love you."
Youur happiness is as beautiful as the skies that are overlooking us.
words spilled @ 6/04/2010 11:56:00 AM /
> leave goosebumps here ⋄
»Let me hear you shiver.
Thursday, June 03, 2010
My mood is back to a pendulum swing.
So easily swayed from being happy to becoming sad.
Small comments from friends or family can tick me off.
I know this is really unreasonable.
But I just dont know why am i so susceptible to all these things.
Even your sudden login can be a huge blow to me.
If I see you away, I just get fidgety and upset.
This is a terrible addiction.
I really want to revert back when i thought you were just a snobby guy.
My first impression for you was like;gone.
Didnt know why did I have a change of my mind in this.
Its funny; when I think about giving up, disliking you , distancing myself away from you.
You would ALWAYS be the first to surprise me.
But whenever I think of you, it just doesnt click.
You dont talk to me & you go offline.
It's so frustrating.
If I would to illustrate this, it would be ..
When i am hoping you would talk to me;
2 'North' repelling away from each other.
When i am trying to get away from you;
'North & South' attracts.
Why cant it be simpler?
Like when I chase you, just stop.
Turn around and talk to me.
Not when I am about to quit, you pull me back in.
Hello?!
长痛不如短痛,
If wanna give up.
We give up together.
I dont want to give up half way,and then you come over talk to me.
It's like bringing a donut to a girl who is on diet!
You're such an asshole.
People are telling me, "Wait..Wait.."
I am already guessing whats going on.
I am jumping into conclusions.
So I would be hurt one hellagoodtime.
And I wont turn back again.
You said it, if the old doesnt go, the new doesnt come.
Just hope the 'new' comes FAST!
So i can ignore the 'old'.
Pleasepleaseplease.
be it some new kpop group or something.
Off and away with thinking of having a boyfriend.
I will just keep dashing my hopes.
lol.
I kept thinking; "Maybe this, Maybe that.."
I didnt know there was the 'other side'.
it was always only me.
thinking this, thinking that..
Hoping this,hoping that.
you know, i have always wanted to certain things with my boyfriend.
like buy him clothes or anything.
And whenever I pass shops with awesome shirts or polo tees.
I will think of you.
I keep telling myself..
"Hey, he would look nice in this.."
At certain random times, I will think of you.
What are you doing? Are u at school with ur mate?
When I see your mates, I will exclaim to my girlfriend..
"Hey Hey hey, he might be in school too!"
Then it goes in repeat mode.
Like when I was in secondary school.
Stalk,stalk stalk..
Exclaim with my friends..
"This is his table & etc.."
But now, i am running to only the place u and ur mates hang out at.
Looking, hoping, pretending.
Then when I go back empty handed, I pretend everything is alright.
And start chiding myself..
"stupid, stupid stupid.."
I told mummy, my friends about u.
All mummy said was "Dont get hurt.."
I understand, but love is sweet and bitter.
So, im willing to suffer.
But well, hahah..
单恋 always seems to be my best friend.
From liking Kevin, then you..
When I am not serious, everyone treats me like I am serious about this.
When i am serious, it just doesn't happen. -.-
And, 单恋 is never sweet.
You will never expect what will come next.
Your friend liking the boy you like.
It sucks.
Especially, when you didnt mention to her whose that guy.
Then she likes the guy too.
Now, I cant blame anyone.
I can only blame myself.
Because I couldnt trust her to tell her whose the guy.
And she wouldnt have like him.
Can we no longer be friends?
The more I see you, the more upset I get.
The more you interact with her.. the cuts gets deeper.
I am afraid.. everyone will know whats going on.
I wont let you know anything.
I cannot.
But if you and her were to get together..
I would need someone to cry on.
Dont ask me qustions, why was I crying.
Please, dont tease me anymore.
If that day ever comes..
I would cry my eyeballs out first.
Then munch on Ben & Jerrys.
And forget you.
---- Sorry people.. this is getting abit off-hand.----
Really need my bros around.. ):
KEITH! where are you bro?!!
*sighs*
* I dont want any misunderstandings, I treat keith as an awesome friend, no more!!*
Anyway, Siyun.
Dont know you know my blog or not.
But I really want you to know.
I would not apologise for the things I have done.
Except, some really nasty remarks.
I have told you once that you changed into another person after you got into a relationship.
You really did.
Sorry to say this..
But it makes me really uncomfortable and to the point of really wanting to barf.
You talk like a princess, dress weirdly and I dont see you inside you anymore.
Not that 'OK!' giggly siyun. Not that friend of mine who have lunch with me.
The girl who eats slowly and walk home together with us.
Honestly, you are an awesome friend during Year 2 Sem 1.
You were so DARN awesome.
Remembering whats going on, and I could hear sincerity
and truth in your voice when you talked to us.
I was even happy that your friends were jealous because we hung out too much.
You were you. Such an awesome friend.
But what happened?
Did you store that part of you, when you started dating?
You talk as if you were talking to a group of dying people.
So lifeless and too gentle.
It disturbs me so much!
Because my opinion of you.
The chatty girl, not the reserve and the one who talks too softly.
I understand, dating blinds you
You only see Hafiz. I can understand.
Afterall, its honeymoon period!
Or maybe you just love him so much.
But do, occasionally throw Hafiz away.
Let him join the guys.
Then allow yourself to join us.
Remember Cedele?
We said we were going TOGETHER.
Gosh, how nice.
Amanda & I went together.
Sometimes, I ignore you.
Because I am too disturb and I dont see Siyun anymore.
I see another girl.
Some girl I would not make friends with, because I know she's too pre-occupied.
Also, the problem is you and Hafiz interacts TOO much.
Really, its abit gross.
Not only, I am unattached right now.
So in facts, it does make people whom are single sad!
Not only that, you touch him too much.
It gets very icky.
when u stroke him or whatsoever.
Some flirting is perfectly all right.
Not 24/7.
Especially not in front of us. Whom are your friends.
Its difficult to look away.
As there is no other thing to look away to!
You are stroking, giggling.
Urgh, PDA too much!!!
Your PDA (what I have been seeing) is MUCH gross..
Then me watching a couple making out for straight 2 minutes.
rather watch the couples make out, because I know they will stop.
And I would never have to look at it ever again!
That day at attachment.
It was a joke and also a notice.
To tell you that, "erm.. you're not alone, but you're with a room full of talking rubbish boys and crazy girls."
If you are pissed, just tell me.
Said "My leg pain leh!" and just get a lil away from each other.
Its call being considerate.
My mummy always tell me..
"If you date, and wanna do anything. Always think of whats going on. People are always looking at you. Must remember, girls need to have an image. What if you're parents catch you doing it? Imagine how they feel? Also, what if your aunty/uncle see? What will they think of you?
Must always respect others. Cos not everyone likes seeing touchy couples."
If really wanna touch, can give a slight peck or a bear hug. (Not stroking!).
If u really need to do something else, do it when you are ALONE!!
Even though we are young (open-minded) but its gross watching people touching and kissing each other.
Ok?
If its needed, I would really trade the time you hang out with me.
Just not to see you touch each other.
But well, someone told me.
You can never change the person's character.
because you;re doing it for Hafiz.
You're his baby and gongzhu.
Totally understand.
Just minimize when you are with us~
As for me, I will try to shut my mouth.
If I dont verbalize, I would really wanna puke.
I would control, because I know I can get very nasty.
It's alright if you dont wanna be my friend.
But, as a team mate and an ex-classmate.
I really hope, that you can help minimize everything.
But from the start, I have never opposed to you and hafiz.
or else, i would have stopped indefinitely.
You guys; happy also good.
We cant do much.
But it's uncomfortable to ignore further.
I dont hate you.
I just dont know why u are acting like this.
Anyway, sorry about the nasty facebook posts.
Labels: friends issues, im missing him, talk
words spilled @ 6/03/2010 01:17:00 AM /
> leave goosebumps here ⋄
