»and it all goes down again
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
"And it goes down from here..."
Ahh, as I am blogging this.
I am slowly edging to the end of Week 11 of my 3rd year.
So fast.
I still remember I was complaining and contemplating of quitting school in year 1.
I was asking "wtf, did i come this school. Should I just go ITE?"
Then, things became positive.
The people I met, the things I was learning.
I was counting down by days.
During year 2 sem 2 I was saying..
"I wanna graduate.. FAST!"
Now I am pretty much thrown off guard.
Because I am going to graduate in a few weeks.
Then thats my next step in my life.
Work? Studies? Or what?
Confusing and really daunting for me.
(I never plan. Always impromptu)
Bad habit that must be kicked.
So, just I kinda went to see my results.
and bla, i still failed my science.
waste my money and time.
Sorry mommy. ):
Remind to self; email Rowena about it.
Anywhoo..
I am getting really frustrated.
I do not know whether is this frustration directed to my self..
Or directed to people who caused this frustration.
You know what I am always trying to please you.
Trying to make conversations, (I try hard not to make it awkward)
But!!! In the end, I feel as if I am talking to myself.
Very angry and upset at the same time.
Its funny how I want to talk and understand you people.
Yet, I just can bite my lips.
To prevent any more awkward moments.
Seriously, I felt really exhausted once I left.
its the same feeling I felt previously.
Always this suffocating and unbearing tension.
I feel, I rather go alone (and I did feel better when I was alone)
How contradicting.
I seeked for companionship, but I felt so much better alone.
I just have to remind myself,
its ok. I do not need to please everyone.
Let it be.
So, inner me..
Please dont feel upset when you feel left out.
Its not really that bad anyway.
Enough of my ranting..
Anywhooooo!!!
I am learning how to play the guitar, AGAIN!!
:D
Bro teaching me power chords, and apparently..
Those chords can be used for different songs~
Awesome much?!
Learning how to play Dashboard Confessional's
Belle of the Boulevard.
From verse 1 to chorus is done.
Just need to get the hang of the finger placement and long pauses.
lol~
Hopefully, by some time..
I can know how to play a full song~
:D
Indeed, my dog (pudding) and music (guitar) calms me down.
Because after hugging Pudding and practising on my guitar.
I felt so tired that I slept for 3 hours~
Thats why Im blogging at 11pm now.
Very energetic now.
But after this, I need to revise psychology (P6-10)
so i can coach a friend.
Like WTFBBQ, right?
Eunice is teaching people. -.-
I hope i dont screw up neither screw my friend's grade up.
Please!
ok la, gotta go revise.
Ohya, I miss my eyecandy~
Ahh, as I am blogging this.
I am slowly edging to the end of Week 11 of my 3rd year.
So fast.
I still remember I was complaining and contemplating of quitting school in year 1.
I was asking "wtf, did i come this school. Should I just go ITE?"
Then, things became positive.
The people I met, the things I was learning.
I was counting down by days.
During year 2 sem 2 I was saying..
"I wanna graduate.. FAST!"
Now I am pretty much thrown off guard.
Because I am going to graduate in a few weeks.
Then thats my next step in my life.
Work? Studies? Or what?
Confusing and really daunting for me.
(I never plan. Always impromptu)
Bad habit that must be kicked.
So, just I kinda went to see my results.
and bla, i still failed my science.
waste my money and time.
Sorry mommy. ):
Remind to self; email Rowena about it.
Anywhoo..
I am getting really frustrated.
I do not know whether is this frustration directed to my self..
Or directed to people who caused this frustration.
You know what I am always trying to please you.
Trying to make conversations, (I try hard not to make it awkward)
But!!! In the end, I feel as if I am talking to myself.
Very angry and upset at the same time.
Its funny how I want to talk and understand you people.
Yet, I just can bite my lips.
To prevent any more awkward moments.
Seriously, I felt really exhausted once I left.
its the same feeling I felt previously.
Always this suffocating and unbearing tension.
I feel, I rather go alone (and I did feel better when I was alone)
How contradicting.
I seeked for companionship, but I felt so much better alone.
I just have to remind myself,
its ok. I do not need to please everyone.
Let it be.
So, inner me..
Please dont feel upset when you feel left out.
Its not really that bad anyway.
Enough of my ranting..
Anywhooooo!!!
I am learning how to play the guitar, AGAIN!!
:D
Bro teaching me power chords, and apparently..
Those chords can be used for different songs~
Awesome much?!
Learning how to play Dashboard Confessional's
Belle of the Boulevard.
From verse 1 to chorus is done.
Just need to get the hang of the finger placement and long pauses.
lol~
Hopefully, by some time..
I can know how to play a full song~
:D
Indeed, my dog (pudding) and music (guitar) calms me down.
Because after hugging Pudding and practising on my guitar.
I felt so tired that I slept for 3 hours~
Thats why Im blogging at 11pm now.
Very energetic now.
But after this, I need to revise psychology (P6-10)
so i can coach a friend.
Like WTFBBQ, right?
Eunice is teaching people. -.-
I hope i dont screw up neither screw my friend's grade up.
Please!
ok la, gotta go revise.
Ohya, I miss my eyecandy~
Labels: all things rushed, day in school, friends, fyp, issues, problems, study
words spilled @ 1/12/2011 10:42:00 PM /
> leave goosebumps here ⋄
»Hush
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
" I just wanted to tell you; I miss you."
Ok, FYP sucks. ):
We are completely put in ' fast-forward' mode now.
Yes, you guys want ALOT from us.
bleah.
Ok, I need to work harder though.
and i am still always wishing;an earthquake will bring bodynits down.
lol.
stressed.
I havent finish my 2 other VSM.
I AM DEAD.
Ok, beside that..
I am feeling sad about something;
yadayada, i am always sad abt something.
Its just that I was really close with my cousin when i was younger.
Ok, when she was younger too.
So now, she's in secondary school
I feel sad, because there are gaps between us.
We can no longer hang out together,
have sleepovers and chat till the dawn.
Or we also couldnt go shopping for pretty letters.
I treasure bonds alot.
Especially, when you mean alot to me.
Well, in her case.
She means a portion of my heart;
a big portion.
So, I feel sad when we meet..
And we dont have anything to say! ):
Sometimes, i really wonder..
Maybe everyone is all grown up.
I am just the one, whose unwilling to break from the shell.
I dont know what to do.
What can I do now?
Inter-personal relationships are so confusing.
You just need alot of communication.
Sigh, I am such an idiot and a sucker in this.
Fail.
I wonder where's my reset button. ):
We are completely put in ' fast-forward' mode now.
Yes, you guys want ALOT from us.
bleah.
Ok, I need to work harder though.
and i am still always wishing;
lol.
stressed.
I havent finish my 2 other VSM.
I AM DEAD.
Ok, beside that..
I am feeling sad about something;
yadayada, i am always sad abt something.
Its just that I was really close with my cousin when i was younger.
Ok, when she was younger too.
So now, she's in secondary school
I feel sad, because there are gaps between us.
We can no longer hang out together,
have sleepovers and chat till the dawn.
Or we also couldnt go shopping for pretty letters.
I treasure bonds alot.
Especially, when you mean alot to me.
Well, in her case.
She means a portion of my heart;
a big portion.
So, I feel sad when we meet..
And we dont have anything to say! ):
Sometimes, i really wonder..
Maybe everyone is all grown up.
I am just the one, whose unwilling to break from the shell.
I dont know what to do.
What can I do now?
Inter-personal relationships are so confusing.
You just need alot of communication.
Sigh, I am such an idiot and a sucker in this.
Fail.
I wonder where's my reset button. ):
Labels: life sucks, problems, relation, sigh
words spilled @ 6/30/2010 11:22:00 PM /
> leave goosebumps here ⋄
»Friendship & Petal of the sakura
Monday, June 14, 2010
"I can see our bonds thinning.."
No, this isnt a story. lol!
But well, I think maybe getting sick has made me got a little bolder.
Also, the fact of the people in this issue do not read my blog.
I guess, well..
from my previous post, i kinda have some problems with siyun.
yesyes, no.
We didnt clarify the problem.
Well, my FYP team mates said that its best not to.
I have already came clean with her on my blog.
So it does not matter anymore, right?
I do not really bother with how she looks at me.
It does not matter.
And if i mentioned in my past previous posts.
You may know, the group consisted of 3.
Siyun, Amanda & Me.
Pretty much, after siyun dated hafiz.
Amanda & I were close.
I thought we were.
Hahah, I always tend to assume my friendship is stable.
But well, and the sad truth is.
We aren't.
I can say that she's a really really good friend of mine.
But not to the extent, where we became bffs.
Naw, bffs do not exist anymore.
It's such a 'superficial' term.
I have awesome best friends.
No, I dont dare to put bffs.
Because, I know forever is kinda unrealistic now.
So, yea.. It sucks.
But nonetheless, I love my friends.
Back to the topic, of me and amanda.
Maybe, we are just making use of each other when we are alone.
Or maybe, me, eunice cheung is going into another phase..
The jealousy phase.. maybe..
will explain why, later..
Why making use of each other..?
Amanda had siyun previously, and well..
Listening to how they talk, they are very close.
And sadly, all my buds are not in RP!
They are out in other schools or having attachment,
So, I sticked with them.
So, after siyun and hafiz got on.
I was always with amanda.
I am happy she;s there, cos I have company.
And well, maybe I was a company to her as well.
When i needed advice, she was there too.
So it was really cool.
But well, recently..
Air cleared between them.
I wont say that I am utterly pleased.
(I am a person who's pretty much territorial of my friends, HAAA.
Bet you didnt know that..)
Cos I get miffed when my friends are 'stolen' from me.
But yeaa, siyun needs her fair share of buddies too.
Since everything is all about hafiz.
And she doesnt have gfs.
lol, im really bitchy at times.
like, when she's with hafiz.
Amanda and I would talk animatedly about them.
I know, I am horrible.
But I cant help it.
I was trying the "want this? then leave hafiz for a moment to join us." tactic.
Didnt work, I guess.
It backfired.
So now, amanda is close with siyun.
And well, I must be a little less selfish.
Cos, afterall she and siyun were pretty much close during year 2.
I shall not be jealous and mean.
Ok, why the title..
It because, I just felt jealous and I find that we were just using each other..
I dont need a full time best friend, but I just want you when I need you.
wtf am i even saying.
and as for nate..
Boy, i like you alot.
and i have kinda suspected whose your ex-girlfriend.
i was wrong for the 1st guess, hope I am wrong for the 2nd too.
but well, she fits ur criteria..
i think.
And ahhh,I read up a quote..
"Dont say I have changed. All I did was to find myself"
Well, everytime I will go..
"Ohh, you changed. and i find that we dont match as friends.."
But now, I cant say that.
Cos, well..
You are once my closest friend.
But now, you are another.
I love you still.
I have to admit, not as much when we were kids.
But sometimes I wonder..
Is it because of me?
Maybe everything started because of me.
I cant handle stuff properly.
I really need someone to guide me.
And I wonder where is that person..
GOSH..
my life is really fucked up by my own hands.
I really want to make everything right now.
Be as hardworking as Amanda..
Be as strong mentally, like you..
I just want to grow up and be more sensible.
Maybe the heavens have already gave up on me.
The fail blog eunice.. ):
OHSHITTT, it sucks..
Labels: boys, FAIL, friends issues, problems, school
words spilled @ 6/14/2010 04:56:00 PM /
> leave goosebumps here ⋄
