So, im officially left without the strings of freedom

and am not allowed to make any excuses for not working.

How dreadful.

Yeahyeah, I know.

'Stop being a lazy bone?'

Cant help it, I AM a lazy person.

Sigh, but staying at home is something one should not do.

Its bad for the health, it strains on your friendship (some) ,

your mental states gets wayyy twisted.

Its horrible.

Something I tried and experienced,

but I 'die-die' dont want to snap out of it.

Now I am questioning myself daily..

'Whats wrong with you, you lazy-as-hell woman'

Sigh, its bad.

On one side; moaning and dreading of working.

while the other ;

moans too about staying at home and getting grilled for not getting a job.

Its not cool when you get grilled in this manner.

It sucks, ALOT.

So, why is staying at home (for too long) not a good thing.

Here's why ;

1. Sleep late, wake up late.

Why do I sleep late?

Because I am doing something unproductive

like watching shows or staring at the TV for hours.

Ask me what am i good at..

I can sit at the TV for hours and still watch reruns of anything

that involves good looking guys and interesting plot.

You see?! UNPRODUCTIVE.

*strangles self*

So I can watch and surf the net for hours till wee mornings or mornings.

6am to be precise.

Yea, ship me off to America.

I think I would do ok there.

So to compromise the lack of sleep my body thought is needed.

It makes me sleep additional time, as compared to what I require.

Prolly 7 & 8 hours is enough.

Nope, my body makes me sleep till 3 0r 4pm.

You see, half of my day just goes 'poof'.

And the cycle begins again.

Im gonna look like a grandma by the age of 30.

I better sleep early.

(Oh, surprise. It's 1am and im still typing away.)

So,yeah. That's number 1 for u.

-----------------

The 'thinking' department has never been under my forte.

Never,ever, ever,ever.

I cant think straight at times, even when im sober.

Sometimes, I dont think before I speak.

I take a long time to think through decisions.

But,never ending up making a wise one.

So, adding up what has been said in number 1.

Not enough sleep + someone who lacks brilliance in the thinking department

= haywired mess.

Results are proven to be horrid.

Need not mention horrid twice, because its already is.

Hah!

(You see; NOT THINKING)

gosh.

Plus, studies showed that people

lacking sleep or having too much sleep will cause health issues.

1. You die early.

2. Your cognitive areas kinda starts to get haywired.

(These terms are not textbook terms)

Oh, and another..

Your memory starts failing you.

You see, this is 'bollocks' and ridiculous.

So, you see..

This and that adds up to the current anxiety I posses.

I think too much and at times think too little.

But either ways, its causing me ALOT of trouble.

So yea, Im turning into an emo nemo or emo bitch.

(minus the slashing, unless thinking of doing it is included)

Previously, I get awkward.

Now, im horridly awkward.

I cant find the right words for the right time.

And whenever I get the hint of awkwardness,

I wanna kill myself.

This is also the dark side of being at home for too long.

You do not interact much, you stop going out and have a life.

Its horrible.

And you think about weird stuff.

----------------------------------------

Sigh.

(Have been sighing alot lately)

Grandpa told mum that bad luck follows when you sigh.

Hmm..

So I have another cycle.

I sigh because i think im in a bad situation, then bad luck tags along..

So another bad situation, and another sigh, and another bad luck.

Never ends.

So, eunice stop sighing.

----------------------

Well, permit me to sigh again.

This is necessary.

I have come to see that some of my friendship webs have gone down south.

Well, it happened before and it happens again.

So kinda its my fault.

But,allow me to defend myself..

(2 hands to clap and make a sound)

But that was in defense, so I shall not be charged.

Why would I say that?

Im not finger pointing, I do admit Im in the wrong.

And well, just leave it to that.

But one thing is to be sure,

Its the old drama with the new twist.

Hate it when this happens.

The jibes, the taunts, the sarcasm.

Something im overly familiar with.

Well, let bygones be bygones.

If im still your friend, i will deeply appreciate it if you stop the taunts.

---------------------------

Ok, at least the dark mental state of mine is slowly fading as I type.

It always helped when I write or blog (in a personal manner) ,

it calms me down and makes everything lighter.

But writing makes my hand ache, and im more attuned to typing now.

(Oh god, what am I supposed to do when i enter uni?!)

-fml-

S0, i read a letter a friend wrote to me previously.

(i love handwritten letters, thats why I like writing them.

pardon the handwriting thou.)

I was deeply touched by what she wrote in it.

Even though she wrote it long before my birthday,

but I hope she's not wrong.

That I have not change drastically or turned for the worst.

Because I slowly think I am.

It hurts horribly when you think you are getting worst,

when you start getting over paranoid and such.

Like you get scared whether can you fit into the social circle,

without feeling awkward.

Because my 'fight or flight' system comes up, and I choose the latter.

I run, like a rhino... from these situations.

Hide or cover things up with white lies.

To save my awkward ass from burning.

Its dreadful.

Now, my blog posting sounds like a confession.

-chuckles to self-

Oh well, transparency is the policy.

"Be honest with others and yourself."

-----------------------------

To sum things up..

I have to pull up my pants and my socks..

No matter how dreaded I may be with going forward into the future.

I have to do it.

(Im unwilling to move out of my comfort zone.)

So, its going to take alot of effort to pull this off.

I would have to keep moving on even if it with trepidation.

Im just so worried what the future holds now.

So worried and afraid, that I wouldnt take another step out.

I need to coax myself to 'dip my toe' into the cold waters,

or someone please just shove me in.

Urgh.

-----------------------

For now, I have to live with the constant naggings.

Bless me.

"Prove to me otherwise."

BLOG,
WHY ARE YOU SO DEAD?

i havent blogged about anythang at all.
its so sad.
Anw, I went to taiwan during march..
with my best friends.
Well, it was close to perfect.
They were the ones who were perfect.
Not me. :/

Anyhoo, im gonna graduate soon.
Blah, having interpersonal relationship problems.
its bad. -rawrs-
but ohwell, gonna take it slowwww.

im rotting.
pssssh~

ok, im gonna change my blog address.
yay yay yay!

Tutorial:

Tutorial:

Tutorial:
I will think of what I wanna say when I think of it. PEACE OUTTTTTTTTT.