"It's happening again.."

What is?
My friendship woes..
It sucks, really..
Maybe it was my fault..
But I'm too obnoxious to admit that..

Well, I lost her as a friend..
It's sad..
We kicked off pretty well..
Then it crumbled when I took her for granted..
Bad habits die hard..

Maybe if I start thinking deeper..
It will help?
I really don't know..
I want to go back to when we first started..

The first time we went shopping,
And I realized how much I love you as my friend..
That I thought u finally had such an awesome friend I can click with..
And I thought I could have that selfish thoughts having you as my BFF..
(ok, BFF is a taboo word..)
I try not to use it because bad things happen when you label your friends as BFFs..
-shudders-

(wait.. I want to clarify or make something clear before I continue..)
I have a handful of best friends..
I did some housekeeping to my friendships..
All my friendships are different..
They are all different experiences to me.
The differences in that,
is the experience I have experienced with that friend..
but ALL my friendships (close ones) are very important to me..
So, please understand that the way I handle my friendship with different people are different..
I may have not used the right method to handle our friendship..
That was failure in my part..

Allow me to continue..
I have never, ever dreamed of having a friend like you.
I was really very happy when I was with you..
Because I felt that I could connect with you..
And I told you things I felt I could pull out my mouth with others..
I trusted you, I still trust you..
Because you are still that friend I know..
But you have took up the role of being another person BFF..
That is my loss..

honestly, I really miss you.
Pride has taken me over..
But partly, the reason why I'm not going to patch is up.
Is because I know I have already lost the friendship we once had.
It's going to be different now..
Especially, what you told me that day..
Your friendship with your ex best friend no longer felt the same.
That is what I fear..
Because being the selfish me..
I would want the friendship to regain to what it was before this friendship died.

I'm a spoiled person.
Spoiled by you..
For always being so nice and attentive to me.
Texting me and being worried..
You know, rarely anyone gives me a shit.
Maybe they did once, then they gave up..
But you didn't give up..
Thank you for being such a gracious friend..
Because you are always forgiving..
I'm sorry for not working hard on this friendship..

I miss you, my friend.
It sucks to have lost a friend like you.
I should have known that I should have held on.
But sucks to be me, isn't it?

People would never know how to treasure before they lose it.
It always apply to me.
Maybe I have shit loads of friends who have been worrying..
But I just thought they would be there for me , cos they just would be.
An obnoxious thinking..

I want you as my friend again..
Can we go back to what we were in school..?
My friend, I miss you..
曾经拥有。

I'm sorry.

Labels: friends issues

Labels: friends issues, its singled sadness, stressed, upset

"I can see our bonds thinning.."

No, this isnt a story. lol!
But well, I think maybe getting sick has made me got a little bolder.
Also, the fact of the people in this issue do not read my blog.

I guess, well..
from my previous post, i kinda have some problems with siyun.
yesyes, no.
We didnt clarify the problem.
Well, my FYP team mates said that its best not to.
I have already came clean with her on my blog.
So it does not matter anymore, right?

I do not really bother with how she looks at me.
It does not matter.
And if i mentioned in my past previous posts.
You may know, the group consisted of 3.
Siyun, Amanda & Me.

Pretty much, after siyun dated hafiz.
Amanda & I were close.
I thought we were.
Hahah, I always tend to assume my friendship is stable.

But well, and the sad truth is.
We aren't.
I can say that she's a really really good friend of mine.
But not to the extent, where we became bffs.
Naw, bffs do not exist anymore.
It's such a 'superficial' term.

I have awesome best friends.
No, I dont dare to put bffs.
Because, I know forever is kinda unrealistic now.
So, yea.. It sucks.
But nonetheless, I love my friends.

Back to the topic, of me and amanda.
Maybe, we are just making use of each other when we are alone.
Or maybe, me, eunice cheung is going into another phase..
The jealousy phase.. maybe..
will explain why, later..

Why making use of each other..?
Amanda had siyun previously, and well..
Listening to how they talk, they are very close.
And sadly, all my buds are not in RP!
They are out in other schools or having attachment,
So, I sticked with them.
So, after siyun and hafiz got on.

I was always with amanda.
I am happy she;s there, cos I have company.
And well, maybe I was a company to her as well.
When i needed advice, she was there too.
So it was really cool.
But well, recently..
Air cleared between them.

I wont say that I am utterly pleased.
(I am a person who's pretty much territorial of my friends, HAAA.
Bet you didnt know that..)
Cos I get miffed when my friends are 'stolen' from me.
But yeaa, siyun needs her fair share of buddies too.
Since everything is all about hafiz.
And she doesnt have gfs.

lol, im really bitchy at times.
like, when she's with hafiz.
Amanda and I would talk animatedly about them.
I know, I am horrible.
But I cant help it.
I was trying the "want this? then leave hafiz for a moment to join us." tactic.
Didnt work, I guess.
It backfired.

So now, amanda is close with siyun.
And well, I must be a little less selfish.
Cos, afterall she and siyun were pretty much close during year 2.
I shall not be jealous and mean.

Ok, why the title..
It because, I just felt jealous and I find that we were just using each other..
I dont need a full time best friend, but I just want you when I need you.
wtf am i even saying.

and as for nate..
Boy, i like you alot.
and i have kinda suspected whose your ex-girlfriend.
i was wrong for the 1st guess, hope I am wrong for the 2nd too.
but well, she fits ur criteria..
i think.

And ahhh,I read up a quote..
"Dont say I have changed. All I did was to find myself"

Well, everytime I will go..
"Ohh, you changed. and i find that we dont match as friends.."
But now, I cant say that.
Cos, well..
You are once my closest friend.
But now, you are another.
I love you still.
I have to admit, not as much when we were kids.
But sometimes I wonder..
Is it because of me?

Maybe everything started because of me.
I cant handle stuff properly.
I really need someone to guide me.
And I wonder where is that person..

GOSH..
my life is really fucked up by my own hands.
I really want to make everything right now.
Be as hardworking as Amanda..
Be as strong mentally, like you..
I just want to grow up and be more sensible.
Maybe the heavens have already gave up on me.
The fail blog eunice.. ):
OHSHITTT, it sucks..

Labels: boys, FAIL, friends issues, problems, school

My mood is back to a pendulum swing.
So easily swayed from being happy to becoming sad.
Small comments from friends or family can tick me off.
I know this is really unreasonable.
But I just dont know why am i so susceptible to all these things.

Even your sudden login can be a huge blow to me.
If I see you away, I just get fidgety and upset.
This is a terrible addiction.
I really want to revert back when i thought you were just a snobby guy.
My first impression for you was like;gone.
Didnt know why did I have a change of my mind in this.

Its funny; when I think about giving up, disliking you , distancing myself away from you.
You would ALWAYS be the first to surprise me.
But whenever I think of you, it just doesnt click.
You dont talk to me & you go offline.
It's so frustrating.

If I would to illustrate this, it would be ..

When i am hoping you would talk to me;
2 'North' repelling away from each other.

When i am trying to get away from you;
'North & South' attracts.

Why cant it be simpler?
Like when I chase you, just stop.
Turn around and talk to me.
Not when I am about to quit, you pull me back in.
Hello?!

长痛不如短痛,
If wanna give up.
We give up together.
I dont want to give up half way,and then you come over talk to me.
It's like bringing a donut to a girl who is on diet!
You're such an asshole.

People are telling me, "Wait..Wait.."
I am already guessing whats going on.
I am jumping into conclusions.
So I would be hurt one hellagoodtime.
And I wont turn back again.

You said it, if the old doesnt go, the new doesnt come.
Just hope the 'new' comes FAST!
So i can ignore the 'old'.
Pleasepleaseplease.
be it some new kpop group or something.

Off and away with thinking of having a boyfriend.
I will just keep dashing my hopes.
lol.
I kept thinking; "Maybe this, Maybe that.."
I didnt know there was the 'other side'.

it was always only me.
thinking this, thinking that..
Hoping this,hoping that.
you know, i have always wanted to certain things with my boyfriend.
like buy him clothes or anything.
And whenever I pass shops with awesome shirts or polo tees.
I will think of you.

I keep telling myself..
"Hey, he would look nice in this.."
At certain random times, I will think of you.
What are you doing? Are u at school with ur mate?
When I see your mates, I will exclaim to my girlfriend..
"Hey Hey hey, he might be in school too!"

Then it goes in repeat mode.
Like when I was in secondary school.
Stalk,stalk stalk..
Exclaim with my friends..
"This is his table & etc.."

But now, i am running to only the place u and ur mates hang out at.
Looking, hoping, pretending.
Then when I go back empty handed, I pretend everything is alright.
And start chiding myself..
"stupid, stupid stupid.."

I told mummy, my friends about u.
All mummy said was "Dont get hurt.."
I understand, but love is sweet and bitter.
So, im willing to suffer.

But well, hahah..
单恋 always seems to be my best friend.
From liking Kevin, then you..
When I am not serious, everyone treats me like I am serious about this.
When i am serious, it just doesn't happen. -.-

And, 单恋 is never sweet.
You will never expect what will come next.
Your friend liking the boy you like.
It sucks.
Especially, when you didnt mention to her whose that guy.
Then she likes the guy too.
Now, I cant blame anyone.
I can only blame myself.
Because I couldnt trust her to tell her whose the guy.
And she wouldnt have like him.

Can we no longer be friends?
The more I see you, the more upset I get.
The more you interact with her.. the cuts gets deeper.
I am afraid.. everyone will know whats going on.
I wont let you know anything.
I cannot.

But if you and her were to get together..
I would need someone to cry on.
Dont ask me qustions, why was I crying.
Please, dont tease me anymore.

If that day ever comes..
I would cry my eyeballs out first.
Then munch on Ben & Jerrys.
And forget you.

---- Sorry people.. this is getting abit off-hand.----
Really need my bros around.. ):
KEITH! where are you bro?!!
*sighs*
* I dont want any misunderstandings, I treat keith as an awesome friend, no more!!*

Anyway, Siyun.
Dont know you know my blog or not.
But I really want you to know.

I would not apologise for the things I have done.
Except, some really nasty remarks.
I have told you once that you changed into another person after you got into a relationship.

You really did.
Sorry to say this..
But it makes me really uncomfortable and to the point of really wanting to barf.
You talk like a princess, dress weirdly and I dont see you inside you anymore.
Not that 'OK!' giggly siyun. Not that friend of mine who have lunch with me.
The girl who eats slowly and walk home together with us.

Honestly, you are an awesome friend during Year 2 Sem 1.
You were so DARN awesome.
Remembering whats going on, and I could hear sincerity
and truth in your voice when you talked to us.
I was even happy that your friends were jealous because we hung out too much.

You were you. Such an awesome friend.
But what happened?
Did you store that part of you, when you started dating?
You talk as if you were talking to a group of dying people.
So lifeless and too gentle.
It disturbs me so much!
Because my opinion of you.
The chatty girl, not the reserve and the one who talks too softly.

I understand, dating blinds you
You only see Hafiz. I can understand.
Afterall, its honeymoon period!
Or maybe you just love him so much.
But do, occasionally throw Hafiz away.
Let him join the guys.
Then allow yourself to join us.

Remember Cedele?
We said we were going TOGETHER.
Gosh, how nice.
Amanda & I went together.

Sometimes, I ignore you.
Because I am too disturb and I dont see Siyun anymore.
I see another girl.
Some girl I would not make friends with, because I know she's too pre-occupied.
Also, the problem is you and Hafiz interacts TOO much.

Really, its abit gross.
Not only, I am unattached right now.
So in facts, it does make people whom are single sad!
Not only that, you touch him too much.

It gets very icky.
when u stroke him or whatsoever.
Some flirting is perfectly all right.
Not 24/7.
Especially not in front of us. Whom are your friends.
Its difficult to look away.
As there is no other thing to look away to!
You are stroking, giggling.
Urgh, PDA too much!!!

Your PDA (what I have been seeing) is MUCH gross..
Then me watching a couple making out for straight 2 minutes.
rather watch the couples make out, because I know they will stop.
And I would never have to look at it ever again!

That day at attachment.
It was a joke and also a notice.
To tell you that, "erm.. you're not alone, but you're with a room full of talking rubbish boys and crazy girls."
If you are pissed, just tell me.
Said "My leg pain leh!" and just get a lil away from each other.

Its call being considerate.
My mummy always tell me..
"If you date, and wanna do anything. Always think of whats going on. People are always looking at you. Must remember, girls need to have an image. What if you're parents catch you doing it? Imagine how they feel? Also, what if your aunty/uncle see? What will they think of you?
Must always respect others. Cos not everyone likes seeing touchy couples."

If really wanna touch, can give a slight peck or a bear hug. (Not stroking!).
If u really need to do something else, do it when you are ALONE!!
Even though we are young (open-minded) but its gross watching people touching and kissing each other.

Ok?

If its needed, I would really trade the time you hang out with me.
Just not to see you touch each other.
But well, someone told me.
You can never change the person's character.
because you;re doing it for Hafiz.
You're his baby and gongzhu.
Totally understand.
Just minimize when you are with us~

As for me, I will try to shut my mouth.
If I dont verbalize, I would really wanna puke.
I would control, because I know I can get very nasty.

It's alright if you dont wanna be my friend.
But, as a team mate and an ex-classmate.
I really hope, that you can help minimize everything.

But from the start, I have never opposed to you and hafiz.
or else, i would have stopped indefinitely.
You guys; happy also good.
We cant do much.
But it's uncomfortable to ignore further.

I dont hate you.
I just dont know why u are acting like this.
Anyway, sorry about the nasty facebook posts.

Labels: friends issues, im missing him, talk

Name: Eunice
Known: Strawberry, E, Nice
Age: Uh, I got my keys. Geddit?
Adores:Everything beautiful. Be it peope, pictures, food.
Current Fave quote: "Pay me $50 first"
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