"I see red"

Gosh, I have SO much negative energy in my body these days.
I am getting angry really easily these days.
maybe I am going to pms soon.

Anyway, I am pissed about 2 things.

1)Why didnt you email me back, letting me hang there wasnt a choice for me.
Thanfully, I am trying to keep my cool without emailing you something sarcastic.
I can do that, when i am really upset or nasty.

2) wow, congrats. I kinda expected that from you.
Come on, time will tell everything.
And obviously, I have seen what you are capable of.
Nasty, serious.

anyway, I am going to be really realistic.
Seriously, there is NO one friend that you would always be pleased or seen no flaws about.
Honestly, dont lie.
Unless, you haven't been close enough or you are what I was previously.
'Close 1 eye, Open 1 eye'

I was like that, till I realised..
Why not open your both eyes and look at it for yourself
I dont deny it.
I have ALOT of faults.
Come on, it would be HARD not to bitch behind me.
I have seen it, and survived/surviving.

The point I am trying to bring about; friends will have flaws.
And sometimes, I really really have the intention to tell them straight into their faces.
I just want to go "You know, you are..."

For friends whom I know long enough, like 7 years+
I mean, really close friends.
I have decided not to say anything about it.
I realize I have grown accustomed to you guys.

For friends whom I have known for a few years like 3 years..
Also, I have seen it.
But I too, have grown accustomed to it.
Because the thoughts..
" I accept you for who you are.."
Also, if I didnt liked you..
I would have followed..
"Dont be with the people, you dont want to become.."

And for friends whom I know less than 2 years;
I am still learning to know what comes under my list.
I am still filtering, learning, watching, observing..

But..
I have seen some that i really love to treasure.
But at times, it becomes the love/hate friendship.
"I freaking hate what you are doing, but I am still considering the fact we are friends."

Also, for those newly formed frienships..
It is really succeptible to lots of nonsense.
Like trust issues, its difficult not to think about what the person is doing.
The feeling of doubt.
I know its horrible.

I go through that phase ALOT with people whom I am slowly accommodating to.
I doubt them at times, at sometimes afraid to use the word "best friend"
yea, that word..
has really deep meanings, but in the surface.
It's a title only.
Nothing much.

Now, I am still in dilemma about this tweet I made today.

I said
"Less is More. It doesn't necessary states that more friends = more happiness. I am glad I have found that portion in my past."

It's horrible, right?
But I really am exhausted at times..
like during secondary school, i didnt feel that it was that friendship was important.
I will just go "whatever la" and "hi - bye" *smile*
But slowly, I began to realise how important my girlfriends are to me.

I love u guys, seriously.
secondary mates ; sam and grace.
I cant lose both of you.

my lil family;
lao ma vanessa teo, lao po shimin and baby chloe.
i realised, they cared.. they still do!

--------

sigh, how uh..
I really wanna go back secondary school again.
I miss those 'sui bian la' days.

bleah, no need think about
friends ganging up to bully u
backstabbers with malicious intentions
shit loads.

anw, I still do treasure u guys as friends.
even though there are rough times.
we will see whether do we take the challenge up for being friends?
or maybe just become a memory in each other.

maybe now, just give me time to get used to it.
i need that time.

---- Also, BGR is a horrible thing --
it tears u from the inside.
I will never forget you, but I will just need another to think about.

bye guys, i still love you guys.

P.S ; thanks grace.
for calling me. it mattered alot.

Take Four
(Pretty,all..)


- Guys, see you in school in the future!... -
Take care, and be well!...

------------------------------------------------------------------------

"thou shall ignore what is happening.."

bleed, my love.
this is what you can give me..

gosh.
im feeling really restless today.

I woke up feeling upset, unwilling to do anything to heavy.
I just lay at my parent's bed hugging ele,
while i slip into sleep or get awaken by alarm;
which sounded so far away.

i thought of options.
different types.
those mild ones to those extremes ones,
that probably will make u start scolding me.
or probably chastise me.

but after the 6th ring of my snooze alarm,
i came up and brushed my teeth.
tried to organize my thoughts, but no avail..

So..
I started tidying up the house.
sweeping from room to room.

And I finally realised;
doing another thing really will block out unwanted thoughts.
and it did!...

But, when it comes to alone time.
it doesn't work.
especially when you are listening songs with strong lyrics.
sentimental lyrics with affecting power.

But my day was great..!
Went to buy my pants for CNY,
had dinner at a korean restaraunt.
really great food served there..
^^
and boy, im lucky to see korean tourists there.

seeing those korean tourists, i recalled those silly things i did.
really silly things, like embarassing ourselves infront of others.
esp, to people whom are foreigners.
such an embarassment..!

and well, came back home.
then daddy went for a dinner.
I bathed and here i am sitting,
using Shandy's hand cream.

I love it dearly, my friend!...

The room slowly filled up with a peachy smell.
nice.. ^^

ahhh, tomorrow is the last day i can see all my friends.



well, people..
lemme show you one nice song that represent the time when edward left bella.

Just Surrender - Forgotten Not Forgiven

I'm watching your eyes move slowly
Up and down my silhouette,
And I wonder if you get it yet.
This is the last time I crawl away on these broken knees,
And don't you wish it all would be okay?

“Promise me you'll forget me,”
You said as you walked away.
“Don't hold on… please… let go of me…”
You make it so hard to leave.

And I can't breathe without you here
For fear I'll catch your scent.
And we both know how bad I get.
I don't do well or dwell in change.
And don't you know that
Three small words could make this all okay?

“Promise me you'll forget me,”
You said as you walked away.
“Don't hold on… please… let go of me…”
You make it so hard to leave.

You promise me
You'll never forget me.
You promise me
You'll never forget…

“Promise me you'll forget me,”
You said as you walked away.
“Don't hold on… please… let go of me…”
You make it so hard to leave.

“You promise (YOU) me (PRO) you'll (MISE) forget (ME) me,”
You said as you walked away.
“You promise (YOU'LL) me (FOR) you’ll (GET) forget (ME) me.”



Ok people,im gonna sleep alr.
TIRED. ):

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I will think of what I wanna say when I think of it. PEACE OUTTTTTTTTT.