»Sorrow
Thursday, July 29, 2010
"Oh, the dismay.."
I am just upset, and all I need is a listening ear.
I need a person who doesnt know the situation just yet.
Neither does that person know who is involved.
Because I really need to get everything out.
Everything means everything.
Like, how i feel about whats happening.
But the sad problem is, I havent found the exact person yet.
Really, I was really stupid enough to
rant my nonsense towards someone that 'know' what's going on.
All I need is for you to hear, not say anything about it.
Because it actually made EVERYTHING worse.
I almost felt insulted and ready to cry when you said that.
- but as usual, i wont fucking cry unless i burst-
Besides, it would give you the 'kick' out of it, right?
To see me crying.
Yeayea, bitch. i wont!
Ok, so the reason why I need that type of person..
is because they wont freaking judge!!
I need you to stop judging me, cos I get really upset when you do.
And when I am upset + MORE upset = I lose and u die.
I need you to ;
1) Listen
2) Dont Judge
3) Let me finish what i am saying.
4) Allow me to bawl.
5) Allow me to preserve my dignity.
6) Let me bitch about anything and everything.
So, the above list is the difficult one.
Where the hell can i find this person, you tell me?!
Ok, I am being a spoilt bitch.
Since young, i dont get what I want.
I will get really upset and I will whine, moan, cry about it.
Thats how I feel about the Melbourne trip.
I know its my own careless mistake, but I am just 不爽.
(Accommodate me for this paragraph or so)
Because my friends are going for it.
Worse, the ones who said they are not going are going.
(another excuse for me to get angry)
Well, and seeing the happy faces on my friends..
Just get me really jealous and sour.
(I know, you must think I am really horrible)
Yes, I am horrible.
But I have already admitted it that I am 'spoilt' and unhappy.
- If you are horrified of me, u can leave my blog immediately -
So, I am jealous.
yes, but I am not going to 泼冷水 on my friends.
because they are really very excited about it.
And, i cannot be even more horrible.
But I am just upset, because of the fact that I missed such a chance.
Because of my own fault.
Stupid right?
Ok, now i have to suck it up.
or someone should scold me.
cos wo de pi hen yang.
anyway, im beginning to get irritated with someone again!
hello, leader.
you girlfriend doesnt mean she recieve priority emails only.
PLEASE BCC US ALSO.
Thank u, and you guys can find a room to make out.
Anyway, I wonder..
To what extent would i go to get my boyfriend's attention.
Cos I am a real attention seeker.
I really like attention alot.
haha, horrible bad habit.
So, maybe...
I would be like the same as her?
i think?
Cos she was doing that infront of the WHOLE 2 team.
sit 1 corner emo, let her bf see.
ok lo.
I think i will also like that.
As in im nt being sarcastic.
just being honest about it, maybe i will act that way too.
):
Ok, enough la.
And really, crying helps.
haha~
I am just upset, and all I need is a listening ear.
I need a person who doesnt know the situation just yet.
Neither does that person know who is involved.
Because I really need to get everything out.
Everything means everything.
Like, how i feel about whats happening.
But the sad problem is, I havent found the exact person yet.
Really, I was really stupid enough to
rant my nonsense towards someone that 'know' what's going on.
All I need is for you to hear, not say anything about it.
Because it actually made EVERYTHING worse.
I almost felt insulted and ready to cry when you said that.
- but as usual, i wont fucking cry unless i burst-
Besides, it would give you the 'kick' out of it, right?
To see me crying.
Yeayea, bitch. i wont!
Ok, so the reason why I need that type of person..
is because they wont freaking judge!!
I need you to stop judging me, cos I get really upset when you do.
And when I am upset + MORE upset = I lose and u die.
I need you to ;
1) Listen
2) Dont Judge
3) Let me finish what i am saying.
4) Allow me to bawl.
5) Allow me to preserve my dignity.
6) Let me bitch about anything and everything.
So, the above list is the difficult one.
Where the hell can i find this person, you tell me?!
Ok, I am being a spoilt bitch.
Since young, i dont get what I want.
I will get really upset and I will whine, moan, cry about it.
Thats how I feel about the Melbourne trip.
I know its my own careless mistake, but I am just 不爽.
(Accommodate me for this paragraph or so)
Because my friends are going for it.
Worse, the ones who said they are not going are going.
(another excuse for me to get angry)
Well, and seeing the happy faces on my friends..
Just get me really jealous and sour.
(I know, you must think I am really horrible)
Yes, I am horrible.
But I have already admitted it that I am 'spoilt' and unhappy.
- If you are horrified of me, u can leave my blog immediately -
So, I am jealous.
yes, but I am not going to 泼冷水 on my friends.
because they are really very excited about it.
And, i cannot be even more horrible.
But I am just upset, because of the fact that I missed such a chance.
Because of my own fault.
Stupid right?
Ok, now i have to suck it up.
or someone should scold me.
cos wo de pi hen yang.
anyway, im beginning to get irritated with someone again!
hello, leader.
you girlfriend doesnt mean she recieve priority emails only.
PLEASE BCC US ALSO.
Thank u, and you guys can find a room to make out.
Anyway, I wonder..
To what extent would i go to get my boyfriend's attention.
Cos I am a real attention seeker.
I really like attention alot.
haha, horrible bad habit.
So, maybe...
I would be like the same as her?
i think?
Cos she was doing that infront of the WHOLE 2 team.
sit 1 corner emo, let her bf see.
ok lo.
I think i will also like that.
As in im nt being sarcastic.
just being honest about it, maybe i will act that way too.
):
Ok, enough la.
And really, crying helps.
haha~
words spilled @ 7/29/2010 11:03:00 PM /
> leave goosebumps here ⋄
»KACHINGZ
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
"his old jacket, her old heart."
I am getting emo; again.
I am shaking this feeling off now.
So, I shall start doing something i love and do best at.
Write.
-Beating hearts, broken.-
Her eyes glanced at the boy to her right.
She was new here, the awkward turtle stage creeped into her.
No, she was alright.
She knew some people here, wait..
There's a few friendly face.
She told herself to breathe, she did.
Inhale she goes, and exhale she went.
Her heart suddenly broke into a sprint as someone barged through the door.
What a fright did that person gave her.
But wow, what a person.
She looked at that new boy who hurriedly took a seat,
another new awkward turtle.
But didnt she expect.
he was her awkward turtle.
------
They peered into each other eyes; his breath stroking her lips.
She was so sure, this was a dream.
It didnt feel real, but it doesnt matter now.
He was there.
His eyes curved into inverse moon, and planted a kiss at her forehead.
He murmured his heart was beating for another reason.
It was her.
She wasn't unaware, she knew he loved her.
She wasn't sure before, but now..
She was, and she heard his steady heart beating to each breath.
Her heart trembled and the butterflies came alive again.
Her stomach fluttered.
She didnt remember this to happen.
They said this was chemistry, wasn't it?
No words could explain how her body reacted to this.
She felt as if she left her body to an angel.
The feelings muted at one go, and unleashed at another.
These feelings were secondary when he pressed his lips against hers.
---------
In the midst of the morning, she opened her eyes.
Her heart was still beating fast, but where was she.
And ah, she realised.
It was a dream.
A dream, so sweet that as if honey replaced the blood pumping through her veins.
Suddenly, the overwhelming feeling rushed into her body.
No, this time.
No him, it was her alone.
In her room, hugging her legs tightly to her body.
She rocked back and fourth.
There was no love to receive those overwhelming emotions.
Only those unexplainable tears.
------------
RAWR.
Ok, Ignore the upper part.
I get into a system overload when i get upset.
yesyes, I really think I need a psychiatrist.
And whats funny, it was just that little thing that sparked this system overload.
Naw, I am not going to say it.
Its just that.. LITTLE THING!
Heh.
Ok, I am currently contemplating privating my blog.
Lol, but friends are going to complain.
but hell, who reads my blog.
Especially its so long-winded!
And, I dont know.
I have sorted through my memories these few days.
I recalled what happened last time.
I shall just be straight.
Anyway, he wouldnt be reading this too.
Well, there's this very nice friend of mine.
A friend whom I terribly thankful to.
Someone, I believed is very hurt from how I act.
Actually, we were like buddies. Really close buddies.
I am so thankful to him because I was special to him.
He even said that he enjoyed reading post that my best friends rarely read.
As I mentioned above, its TOO long.
He said, he understood from my point of view.
He would always give me a smile whenever we meet or see each other.
Honestly, he's probably one of the guy that I have ever webcam with at wee morning.
To me, he's such a caring older brother to me.
The guy who treated me with respect and always encouraging me.
Note; he behaves like a gentleman.
But after a small incident, or maybe..
I became too rude, or neglected some people.
I stopped contacting him.
How rude can I be?
He was such a nice person! ):
Now, remembering what happened.
I DETEST MYSELF for actually allowing this thing to happen.
I really hate it.
I lost a special friend.
I am so sad.
*sits at the corner & draw circle*
EMO LAAAAAA.
WAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!
I am getting emo; again.
I am shaking this feeling off now.
So, I shall start doing something i love and do best at.
Write.
-Beating hearts, broken.-
Her eyes glanced at the boy to her right.
She was new here, the awkward turtle stage creeped into her.
No, she was alright.
She knew some people here, wait..
There's a few friendly face.
She told herself to breathe, she did.
Inhale she goes, and exhale she went.
Her heart suddenly broke into a sprint as someone barged through the door.
What a fright did that person gave her.
But wow, what a person.
She looked at that new boy who hurriedly took a seat,
another new awkward turtle.
But didnt she expect.
he was her awkward turtle.
------
They peered into each other eyes; his breath stroking her lips.
She was so sure, this was a dream.
It didnt feel real, but it doesnt matter now.
He was there.
His eyes curved into inverse moon, and planted a kiss at her forehead.
He murmured his heart was beating for another reason.
It was her.
She wasn't unaware, she knew he loved her.
She wasn't sure before, but now..
She was, and she heard his steady heart beating to each breath.
Her heart trembled and the butterflies came alive again.
Her stomach fluttered.
She didnt remember this to happen.
They said this was chemistry, wasn't it?
No words could explain how her body reacted to this.
She felt as if she left her body to an angel.
The feelings muted at one go, and unleashed at another.
These feelings were secondary when he pressed his lips against hers.
---------
In the midst of the morning, she opened her eyes.
Her heart was still beating fast, but where was she.
And ah, she realised.
It was a dream.
A dream, so sweet that as if honey replaced the blood pumping through her veins.
Suddenly, the overwhelming feeling rushed into her body.
No, this time.
No him, it was her alone.
In her room, hugging her legs tightly to her body.
She rocked back and fourth.
There was no love to receive those overwhelming emotions.
Only those unexplainable tears.
------------
RAWR.
Ok, Ignore the upper part.
I get into a system overload when i get upset.
yesyes, I really think I need a psychiatrist.
And whats funny, it was just that little thing that sparked this system overload.
Naw, I am not going to say it.
Its just that.. LITTLE THING!
Heh.
Ok, I am currently contemplating privating my blog.
Lol, but friends are going to complain.
but hell, who reads my blog.
Especially its so long-winded!
And, I dont know.
I have sorted through my memories these few days.
I recalled what happened last time.
I shall just be straight.
Anyway, he wouldnt be reading this too.
Well, there's this very nice friend of mine.
A friend whom I terribly thankful to.
Someone, I believed is very hurt from how I act.
Actually, we were like buddies. Really close buddies.
I am so thankful to him because I was special to him.
He even said that he enjoyed reading post that my best friends rarely read.
As I mentioned above, its TOO long.
He said, he understood from my point of view.
He would always give me a smile whenever we meet or see each other.
Honestly, he's probably one of the guy that I have ever webcam with at wee morning.
To me, he's such a caring older brother to me.
The guy who treated me with respect and always encouraging me.
Note; he behaves like a gentleman.
But after a small incident, or maybe..
I became too rude, or neglected some people.
I stopped contacting him.
How rude can I be?
He was such a nice person! ):
Now, remembering what happened.
I DETEST MYSELF for actually allowing this thing to happen.
I really hate it.
I lost a special friend.
I am so sad.
*sits at the corner & draw circle*
EMO LAAAAAA.
WAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!
Labels: days going by, emo, late nights, sadded
words spilled @ 6/29/2010 12:07:00 AM /
> leave goosebumps here ⋄
»hey shawty! :D
Sunday, September 06, 2009
"life is too short to hate.."
i had my cousin staying over tonight.
but only tonight.
unlike when we were younger.
more time..
now, we rarely even have time to go out.
its so sad.
TT__TT
i wish I can just spend more time with her.
like how I could previously.
lunch with her and stuff.
I have to admit, I hate growing up.
(i know im talking like a kid..)
but i really do wish.
sometimes, i just yearn to go back to the past.
where I could do better as an elder sister.
I could love her more and stuff.
*sighs*
Am I the only one not growing up?
Im pretty peeved though, about this..
"growing up too fast" thing.
*sighs*
After this few short hours together.
She will go home and I wont see her for another while.
Funny,right?
So close yet so far..
Now she's the vice head of the student council.
Doing things that I always lament about.
All those proposals and stuff.
I wonder what I was doing during secondary 2.
Partying and rebelling.
yes,that was what I am.
I am just amazed and stuff, really.
Would I say i regret?
I wont nor I will.
(in academic ways, probably yes)
But thats was how I grew up.
I grew up knowing these people...
Shaping me and stuff.
It is just another way of growing up.
----------------------------------------
Comparisons are meant to improve one.
But how can I see improvements when biasness was intended?
You always said "its ok.."
But you must be hating, I could see it in your eyes.
Cynicism.
You just pretend..
Everytime when I fault,
you never seem to reprimand..
Only to use snide remarks.
You said it was not,
but who can you lie to?
To yourself?
I can see and sense everything.
Every emotion around me.
You never seem to conceal them when you are with me.
Always stating that you are in pain,
I am forced to blame myself.
Only to look back and see myself crying.
I am in ruins, you never seem to care.
The best was to keep, the losers were to weep.
was that what you thought of me?
You were never on balance with your scale.
Tilting to the left,
only to get bitten.
Here, you run to me.
Cooing that I was worth.
But when you are up again,
I am deemed worthless in your eyes.
Tell me the truth.
I rather not pretend to see you like this.
Hating and Loving.
Black and White.
Lying to myself till the grave..
Is this what you want?
I will return you my soul, just release me.
I am better off dead when I am with you.
Only to be killed and revived when needed.
Keepsake, I dont belong to you.
I will stop trusting you..
---------------------------------------
emo.emo.emo.
yea, i have my emo days too.
I am feeling emo.
D:
--------------------------------
I saw what yenxi wrote about friends.
very touched. :D
tyty.
i had my cousin staying over tonight.
but only tonight.
unlike when we were younger.
more time..
now, we rarely even have time to go out.
its so sad.
TT__TT
i wish I can just spend more time with her.
like how I could previously.
lunch with her and stuff.
I have to admit, I hate growing up.
(i know im talking like a kid..)
but i really do wish.
sometimes, i just yearn to go back to the past.
where I could do better as an elder sister.
I could love her more and stuff.
*sighs*
Am I the only one not growing up?
Im pretty peeved though, about this..
"growing up too fast" thing.
*sighs*
After this few short hours together.
She will go home and I wont see her for another while.
Funny,right?
So close yet so far..
Now she's the vice head of the student council.
Doing things that I always lament about.
All those proposals and stuff.
I wonder what I was doing during secondary 2.
Partying and rebelling.
yes,that was what I am.
I am just amazed and stuff, really.
Would I say i regret?
I wont nor I will.
(in academic ways, probably yes)
But thats was how I grew up.
I grew up knowing these people...
Shaping me and stuff.
It is just another way of growing up.
----------------------------------------
Comparisons are meant to improve one.
But how can I see improvements when biasness was intended?
You always said "its ok.."
But you must be hating, I could see it in your eyes.
Cynicism.
You just pretend..
Everytime when I fault,
you never seem to reprimand..
Only to use snide remarks.
You said it was not,
but who can you lie to?
To yourself?
I can see and sense everything.
Every emotion around me.
You never seem to conceal them when you are with me.
Always stating that you are in pain,
I am forced to blame myself.
Only to look back and see myself crying.
I am in ruins, you never seem to care.
The best was to keep, the losers were to weep.
was that what you thought of me?
You were never on balance with your scale.
Tilting to the left,
only to get bitten.
Here, you run to me.
Cooing that I was worth.
But when you are up again,
I am deemed worthless in your eyes.
Tell me the truth.
I rather not pretend to see you like this.
Hating and Loving.
Black and White.
Lying to myself till the grave..
Is this what you want?
I will return you my soul, just release me.
I am better off dead when I am with you.
Only to be killed and revived when needed.
Keepsake, I dont belong to you.
I will stop trusting you..
---------------------------------------
emo.emo.emo.
yea, i have my emo days too.
I am feeling emo.
D:
--------------------------------
I saw what yenxi wrote about friends.
very touched. :D
tyty.
Labels: emo, freda, friends, sisters, stayover
words spilled @ 9/06/2009 01:17:00 AM /
> leave goosebumps here ⋄
»Persistent ignorance
Sunday, January 18, 2009
"those people whom I shared beautiful memories with in W15A.
Be it the guys when it comes to CS or cards.
Or be it the girls, when we group up talking.
or the whole bunch of people, lively and nice.
it may seem that this class is seperated.
but i doubt it.
I love this class.
It gives a feeling of family.
where brothers and sisters have fun.
im getting attached to this class.
really..
i love these people."
Thank you, W15A..
' give me strength, give me the silence of the power you hold in me..
bestow me with the strength that will overcome all obstacles.
i love you all,so..'
Show you the nice nice pictures.
^^
We had a full attendance on Enterprise module.
and it was great, so CLASS PHOTO!...
Take One..
(a lil disorientated)
Cos everyone dunno what to do.
Take Two.
(neater then previous)
Mizi trying to put everyone at right position.
Kudos to you Mizi!..
Be it the guys when it comes to CS or cards.
Or be it the girls, when we group up talking.
or the whole bunch of people, lively and nice.
it may seem that this class is seperated.
but i doubt it.
I love this class.
It gives a feeling of family.
where brothers and sisters have fun.
im getting attached to this class.
really..
i love these people."
Thank you, W15A..
' give me strength, give me the silence of the power you hold in me..
bestow me with the strength that will overcome all obstacles.
i love you all,so..'
Show you the nice nice pictures.
^^
We had a full attendance on Enterprise module.
and it was great, so CLASS PHOTO!...
Take One..(a lil disorientated)
Cos everyone dunno what to do.
Take Two.
(neater then previous)
Mizi trying to put everyone at right position.
Kudos to you Mizi!..
Take Three!.
(Perfect!)
'Say CHEESE!'
Take Four
(Pretty,all..)
- Guys, see you in school in the future!... -
Take care, and be well!...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
"thou shall ignore what is happening.."
bleed, my love.
this is what you can give me..
gosh.
im feeling really restless today.
I woke up feeling upset, unwilling to do anything to heavy.
I just lay at my parent's bed hugging ele,
while i slip into sleep or get awaken by alarm;
which sounded so far away.
i thought of options.
different types.
those mild ones to those extremes ones,
that probably will make u start scolding me.
or probably chastise me.
but after the 6th ring of my snooze alarm,
i came up and brushed my teeth.
tried to organize my thoughts, but no avail..
So..
I started tidying up the house.
sweeping from room to room.
And I finally realised;
doing another thing really will block out unwanted thoughts.
and it did!...
But, when it comes to alone time.
it doesn't work.
especially when you are listening songs with strong lyrics.
sentimental lyrics with affecting power.
But my day was great..!
Went to buy my pants for CNY,
had dinner at a korean restaraunt.
really great food served there..
^^
and boy, im lucky to see korean tourists there.
seeing those korean tourists, i recalled those silly things i did.
really silly things, like embarassing ourselves infront of others.
esp, to people whom are foreigners.
such an embarassment..!
and well, came back home.
then daddy went for a dinner.
I bathed and here i am sitting,
using Shandy's hand cream.
I love it dearly, my friend!...
The room slowly filled up with a peachy smell.
nice.. ^^
ahhh, tomorrow is the last day i can see all my friends.
well, people..
lemme show you one nice song that represent the time when edward left bella.
Just Surrender - Forgotten Not Forgiven
I'm watching your eyes move slowly
Up and down my silhouette,
And I wonder if you get it yet.
This is the last time I crawl away on these broken knees,
And don't you wish it all would be okay?
“Promise me you'll forget me,”
You said as you walked away.
“Don't hold on… please… let go of me…”
You make it so hard to leave.
And I can't breathe without you here
For fear I'll catch your scent.
And we both know how bad I get.
I don't do well or dwell in change.
And don't you know that
Three small words could make this all okay?
“Promise me you'll forget me,”
You said as you walked away.
“Don't hold on… please… let go of me…”
You make it so hard to leave.
You promise me
You'll never forget me.
You promise me
You'll never forget…
“Promise me you'll forget me,”
You said as you walked away.
“Don't hold on… please… let go of me…”
You make it so hard to leave.
“You promise (YOU) me (PRO) you'll (MISE) forget (ME) me,”
You said as you walked away.
“You promise (YOU'LL) me (FOR) you’ll (GET) forget (ME) me.”
Ok people,im gonna sleep alr.
TIRED. ):
(Pretty,all..)
- Guys, see you in school in the future!... -
Take care, and be well!...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
"thou shall ignore what is happening.."
bleed, my love.
this is what you can give me..
gosh.
im feeling really restless today.
I woke up feeling upset, unwilling to do anything to heavy.
I just lay at my parent's bed hugging ele,
while i slip into sleep or get awaken by alarm;
which sounded so far away.
i thought of options.
different types.
those mild ones to those extremes ones,
that probably will make u start scolding me.
or probably chastise me.
but after the 6th ring of my snooze alarm,
i came up and brushed my teeth.
tried to organize my thoughts, but no avail..
So..
I started tidying up the house.
sweeping from room to room.
And I finally realised;
doing another thing really will block out unwanted thoughts.
and it did!...
But, when it comes to alone time.
it doesn't work.
especially when you are listening songs with strong lyrics.
sentimental lyrics with affecting power.
But my day was great..!
Went to buy my pants for CNY,
had dinner at a korean restaraunt.
really great food served there..
^^
and boy, im lucky to see korean tourists there.
seeing those korean tourists, i recalled those silly things i did.
really silly things, like embarassing ourselves infront of others.
esp, to people whom are foreigners.
such an embarassment..!
and well, came back home.
then daddy went for a dinner.
I bathed and here i am sitting,
using Shandy's hand cream.
I love it dearly, my friend!...
The room slowly filled up with a peachy smell.
nice.. ^^
ahhh, tomorrow is the last day i can see all my friends.
well, people..
lemme show you one nice song that represent the time when edward left bella.
Just Surrender - Forgotten Not Forgiven
I'm watching your eyes move slowly
Up and down my silhouette,
And I wonder if you get it yet.
This is the last time I crawl away on these broken knees,
And don't you wish it all would be okay?
“Promise me you'll forget me,”
You said as you walked away.
“Don't hold on… please… let go of me…”
You make it so hard to leave.
And I can't breathe without you here
For fear I'll catch your scent.
And we both know how bad I get.
I don't do well or dwell in change.
And don't you know that
Three small words could make this all okay?
“Promise me you'll forget me,”
You said as you walked away.
“Don't hold on… please… let go of me…”
You make it so hard to leave.
You promise me
You'll never forget me.
You promise me
You'll never forget…
“Promise me you'll forget me,”
You said as you walked away.
“Don't hold on… please… let go of me…”
You make it so hard to leave.
“You promise (YOU) me (PRO) you'll (MISE) forget (ME) me,”
You said as you walked away.
“You promise (YOU'LL) me (FOR) you’ll (GET) forget (ME) me.”
Ok people,im gonna sleep alr.
TIRED. ):
Labels: dreaming, emo, fears, sleepy, stressed
words spilled @ 1/18/2009 09:50:00 PM /
> leave goosebumps here ⋄
