"I see red"

Gosh, I have SO much negative energy in my body these days.
I am getting angry really easily these days.
maybe I am going to pms soon.

Anyway, I am pissed about 2 things.

1)Why didnt you email me back, letting me hang there wasnt a choice for me.
Thanfully, I am trying to keep my cool without emailing you something sarcastic.
I can do that, when i am really upset or nasty.

2) wow, congrats. I kinda expected that from you.
Come on, time will tell everything.
And obviously, I have seen what you are capable of.
Nasty, serious.

anyway, I am going to be really realistic.
Seriously, there is NO one friend that you would always be pleased or seen no flaws about.
Honestly, dont lie.
Unless, you haven't been close enough or you are what I was previously.
'Close 1 eye, Open 1 eye'

I was like that, till I realised..
Why not open your both eyes and look at it for yourself
I dont deny it.
I have ALOT of faults.
Come on, it would be HARD not to bitch behind me.
I have seen it, and survived/surviving.

The point I am trying to bring about; friends will have flaws.
And sometimes, I really really have the intention to tell them straight into their faces.
I just want to go "You know, you are..."

For friends whom I know long enough, like 7 years+
I mean, really close friends.
I have decided not to say anything about it.
I realize I have grown accustomed to you guys.

For friends whom I have known for a few years like 3 years..
Also, I have seen it.
But I too, have grown accustomed to it.
Because the thoughts..
" I accept you for who you are.."
Also, if I didnt liked you..
I would have followed..
"Dont be with the people, you dont want to become.."

And for friends whom I know less than 2 years;
I am still learning to know what comes under my list.
I am still filtering, learning, watching, observing..

But..
I have seen some that i really love to treasure.
But at times, it becomes the love/hate friendship.
"I freaking hate what you are doing, but I am still considering the fact we are friends."

Also, for those newly formed frienships..
It is really succeptible to lots of nonsense.
Like trust issues, its difficult not to think about what the person is doing.
The feeling of doubt.
I know its horrible.

I go through that phase ALOT with people whom I am slowly accommodating to.
I doubt them at times, at sometimes afraid to use the word "best friend"
yea, that word..
has really deep meanings, but in the surface.
It's a title only.
Nothing much.

Now, I am still in dilemma about this tweet I made today.

I said
"Less is More. It doesn't necessary states that more friends = more happiness. I am glad I have found that portion in my past."

It's horrible, right?
But I really am exhausted at times..
like during secondary school, i didnt feel that it was that friendship was important.
I will just go "whatever la" and "hi - bye" *smile*
But slowly, I began to realise how important my girlfriends are to me.

I love u guys, seriously.
secondary mates ; sam and grace.
I cant lose both of you.

my lil family;
lao ma vanessa teo, lao po shimin and baby chloe.
i realised, they cared.. they still do!

--------

sigh, how uh..
I really wanna go back secondary school again.
I miss those 'sui bian la' days.

bleah, no need think about
friends ganging up to bully u
backstabbers with malicious intentions
shit loads.

anw, I still do treasure u guys as friends.
even though there are rough times.
we will see whether do we take the challenge up for being friends?
or maybe just become a memory in each other.

maybe now, just give me time to get used to it.
i need that time.

---- Also, BGR is a horrible thing --
it tears u from the inside.
I will never forget you, but I will just need another to think about.

bye guys, i still love you guys.

P.S ; thanks grace.
for calling me. it mattered alot.

" Black is beauty "

I have always thought I was special to you.
Because you are special to me.
I have told my girlfriends about you.

They said, I am infatuated about you.
Whenever your name comes up, my heart leaps.
As if you are near me.

But, today.. All this changed.
Remember the day you asked me?
Why was I sad.
It was because of you.
I brushed it off, saying that I was under the weather.

And I caught you looking at me.
Suddenly, from that point.
I fell again, I fell into the thoughts that you cared.
That I was special to you.
The way you talked to me.
I became dependent on you.

You became the decision of my moods.

But again, I over-assumed.
I assumed you were talking to me.
I was thinking; this time round I could have someone special.
But I have thought too highly of myself.

I keep giving myself more hope.
Keep telling myself, the signs were clear.
Maybe I have already lost, when I thought there was a start.

How do I pick myself up right now?
How do I face you?
When I the harder I try, the sadder I am.

-Now, I just wish that we have never crossed path.-
I would see you so often, but no matter how much I try to avoid you.
The higher the chances that I will see you.

Do I have to be thankful that this isnt blow out of proportion?
Thank goodness, not many people know who you really are.
I dont need too many people to know who you are.
Because it would be harder for me to get over.

Goodbye, to the boy I liked so much.
Hello, to the friend whom I love so much.

"Expect lesser, so when something is given. You would be happy with it."

I didnt follow.
I expected too much.
So I am disappointed.

"This has never started, It was only me.."

I sat there alone, thinking about the smallest things.
And I cried.
I need to let go.

P.S ; I thought of this song.. All of a sudden..
“會痛的石頭- 箫敬腾”

Actually, these few weeks..
After knowing he likes chinese songs , i have been spamming chinese songs.
so weird.

p.s.p.s; gal, u asked me..
is sebastian and nate the same person.
yes, they are the same.
2 different name because of a reason.
*actually its a private joke, lol.

Ohwell, it doesnt matter anymore.
It doesnt.

"this pain has to stop, but it shouldn't have even started..."

im bored bored bored.
well, not really.

I dont usually have any headers, so here is one.

I guess listening to 'Remembering Sunday' can make one really emo.
im emo now..
kinda.. upset,weird, and really confused.
tired too.

something is bugging me,and i dont know what am i supposed to do.
i have been telling myself to get it sorted out when i was walking from the interchange.

but..
am i able to..?
I will, and I have too..

I might be able to and I will be able to.

It's just temporary.
But I really hate it..
It shouldnt have started.
It wasn't supposed to start..

So wrong...!

I hate this type of fucking problem.
damm it.

Tutorial:

Tutorial:

Tutorial:
I will think of what I wanna say when I think of it. PEACE OUTTTTTTTTT.