"You whispered. But I hear nothing.."

The class is freezing.
Bleah.
I started class on Thursday.
Cos I have been on MC.
Sucks to be me.

These few days have been very hazy for me.
Coughing, blowing my nose, eat medicine, sleep.
That's like a routine for me.
I think it was that indian girl who sneezed at my face in Compass point.
If not, I wouldnt be sick.
(Lol, I am super certain.)

On one point, I think tuesday..
I woke up to see 96 msg. Mostly all tweets from MobiTweet.
It was crazy. haha.
I was super uncomfortable, because my throat swell from the inflammation.
And I cant sleep for nuts sake, my nose keeps getting blocked.
sucks to be me, lol..
I wont say FML. It isnt so bad. :D
I am positive, ok?

But when i think about the assessment on Friday (tml)
I really go FML FML FML x 1000.
haha, its crazy. ):
And Bodynits, ahh.. FML too, about them.
DISLIKE ttm.

Anyway, since I am back in class..
And well,suay suay in project management.
Urghh, got the myanmmar dude.
No, I dont hate him.
Just a lil irritated.

So, I am going to work hard?
Uhh, I was late for class.
So pretty much, this facci hates it.
LOL, he didnt see me early for 2 weeks.
whatever.
I prefer designing rather PM.
Suckssss.

Sigh, bad thingy is that.
He's not in school too.
It suckssssss, so badly.
Come back in a jiffy, alright?
I am already missing you.
And whats funny, I just smile like some idiot on the mention of your name,
Be it notification or what, but I just go crazy over you.

But sadly, after talking to sam.
I kept questioning myself.
Is my 'face' more important than liking you?
I dont know, maybe you are just a crush that doesnt go away.
Maybe till another 'target' comes into view.
But depends; cos I think..
What I am seeing is only you.
For now? Maybe..

Not only my heart is missing you.
I am grieving to the possible loss of a friendship.
Because, I feel like the distance between me & amanda is really growing.
Even with me in school, the bad thing is..
I didnt even want to find her now.
Maybe its because i know she would be with siyun.
Well, because after psycho-ing myself to 'like' siyun.

Erm, still a little bit difficult.
I couldnt help but to go 'awwww shit, i really dislike her'.
Thats why sometimes, I am very nice to her or I dont talk to her at all.
Hahah, a hugeeeee variation.

When I am nice to her;
- is when i find that she is nice
- is when I try very very hard to be friendly, so we wont be awkward
- when i dont see her and her boyfriend hugging.

When I dont talk;
- i am too tired to play nice.
- i am sick or im bored
- or im trying very hard not to scold her.

--------------------------------------------

Sigh, my nose is RUNNING! T_________T

Labels: friends, i am sick, im missing him

"I could hear your beating heart.."

Labels: friends, im missing him, stayover

My mood is back to a pendulum swing.
So easily swayed from being happy to becoming sad.
Small comments from friends or family can tick me off.
I know this is really unreasonable.
But I just dont know why am i so susceptible to all these things.

Even your sudden login can be a huge blow to me.
If I see you away, I just get fidgety and upset.
This is a terrible addiction.
I really want to revert back when i thought you were just a snobby guy.
My first impression for you was like;gone.
Didnt know why did I have a change of my mind in this.

Its funny; when I think about giving up, disliking you , distancing myself away from you.
You would ALWAYS be the first to surprise me.
But whenever I think of you, it just doesnt click.
You dont talk to me & you go offline.
It's so frustrating.

If I would to illustrate this, it would be ..

When i am hoping you would talk to me;
2 'North' repelling away from each other.

When i am trying to get away from you;
'North & South' attracts.

Why cant it be simpler?
Like when I chase you, just stop.
Turn around and talk to me.
Not when I am about to quit, you pull me back in.
Hello?!

长痛不如短痛,
If wanna give up.
We give up together.
I dont want to give up half way,and then you come over talk to me.
It's like bringing a donut to a girl who is on diet!
You're such an asshole.

People are telling me, "Wait..Wait.."
I am already guessing whats going on.
I am jumping into conclusions.
So I would be hurt one hellagoodtime.
And I wont turn back again.

You said it, if the old doesnt go, the new doesnt come.
Just hope the 'new' comes FAST!
So i can ignore the 'old'.
Pleasepleaseplease.
be it some new kpop group or something.

Off and away with thinking of having a boyfriend.
I will just keep dashing my hopes.
lol.
I kept thinking; "Maybe this, Maybe that.."
I didnt know there was the 'other side'.

it was always only me.
thinking this, thinking that..
Hoping this,hoping that.
you know, i have always wanted to certain things with my boyfriend.
like buy him clothes or anything.
And whenever I pass shops with awesome shirts or polo tees.
I will think of you.

I keep telling myself..
"Hey, he would look nice in this.."
At certain random times, I will think of you.
What are you doing? Are u at school with ur mate?
When I see your mates, I will exclaim to my girlfriend..
"Hey Hey hey, he might be in school too!"

Then it goes in repeat mode.
Like when I was in secondary school.
Stalk,stalk stalk..
Exclaim with my friends..
"This is his table & etc.."

But now, i am running to only the place u and ur mates hang out at.
Looking, hoping, pretending.
Then when I go back empty handed, I pretend everything is alright.
And start chiding myself..
"stupid, stupid stupid.."

I told mummy, my friends about u.
All mummy said was "Dont get hurt.."
I understand, but love is sweet and bitter.
So, im willing to suffer.

But well, hahah..
单恋 always seems to be my best friend.
From liking Kevin, then you..
When I am not serious, everyone treats me like I am serious about this.
When i am serious, it just doesn't happen. -.-

And, 单恋 is never sweet.
You will never expect what will come next.
Your friend liking the boy you like.
It sucks.
Especially, when you didnt mention to her whose that guy.
Then she likes the guy too.
Now, I cant blame anyone.
I can only blame myself.
Because I couldnt trust her to tell her whose the guy.
And she wouldnt have like him.

Can we no longer be friends?
The more I see you, the more upset I get.
The more you interact with her.. the cuts gets deeper.
I am afraid.. everyone will know whats going on.
I wont let you know anything.
I cannot.

But if you and her were to get together..
I would need someone to cry on.
Dont ask me qustions, why was I crying.
Please, dont tease me anymore.

If that day ever comes..
I would cry my eyeballs out first.
Then munch on Ben & Jerrys.
And forget you.

---- Sorry people.. this is getting abit off-hand.----
Really need my bros around.. ):
KEITH! where are you bro?!!
*sighs*
* I dont want any misunderstandings, I treat keith as an awesome friend, no more!!*

Anyway, Siyun.
Dont know you know my blog or not.
But I really want you to know.

I would not apologise for the things I have done.
Except, some really nasty remarks.
I have told you once that you changed into another person after you got into a relationship.

You really did.
Sorry to say this..
But it makes me really uncomfortable and to the point of really wanting to barf.
You talk like a princess, dress weirdly and I dont see you inside you anymore.
Not that 'OK!' giggly siyun. Not that friend of mine who have lunch with me.
The girl who eats slowly and walk home together with us.

Honestly, you are an awesome friend during Year 2 Sem 1.
You were so DARN awesome.
Remembering whats going on, and I could hear sincerity
and truth in your voice when you talked to us.
I was even happy that your friends were jealous because we hung out too much.

You were you. Such an awesome friend.
But what happened?
Did you store that part of you, when you started dating?
You talk as if you were talking to a group of dying people.
So lifeless and too gentle.
It disturbs me so much!
Because my opinion of you.
The chatty girl, not the reserve and the one who talks too softly.

I understand, dating blinds you
You only see Hafiz. I can understand.
Afterall, its honeymoon period!
Or maybe you just love him so much.
But do, occasionally throw Hafiz away.
Let him join the guys.
Then allow yourself to join us.

Remember Cedele?
We said we were going TOGETHER.
Gosh, how nice.
Amanda & I went together.

Sometimes, I ignore you.
Because I am too disturb and I dont see Siyun anymore.
I see another girl.
Some girl I would not make friends with, because I know she's too pre-occupied.
Also, the problem is you and Hafiz interacts TOO much.

Really, its abit gross.
Not only, I am unattached right now.
So in facts, it does make people whom are single sad!
Not only that, you touch him too much.

It gets very icky.
when u stroke him or whatsoever.
Some flirting is perfectly all right.
Not 24/7.
Especially not in front of us. Whom are your friends.
Its difficult to look away.
As there is no other thing to look away to!
You are stroking, giggling.
Urgh, PDA too much!!!

Your PDA (what I have been seeing) is MUCH gross..
Then me watching a couple making out for straight 2 minutes.
rather watch the couples make out, because I know they will stop.
And I would never have to look at it ever again!

That day at attachment.
It was a joke and also a notice.
To tell you that, "erm.. you're not alone, but you're with a room full of talking rubbish boys and crazy girls."
If you are pissed, just tell me.
Said "My leg pain leh!" and just get a lil away from each other.

Its call being considerate.
My mummy always tell me..
"If you date, and wanna do anything. Always think of whats going on. People are always looking at you. Must remember, girls need to have an image. What if you're parents catch you doing it? Imagine how they feel? Also, what if your aunty/uncle see? What will they think of you?
Must always respect others. Cos not everyone likes seeing touchy couples."

If really wanna touch, can give a slight peck or a bear hug. (Not stroking!).
If u really need to do something else, do it when you are ALONE!!
Even though we are young (open-minded) but its gross watching people touching and kissing each other.

Ok?

If its needed, I would really trade the time you hang out with me.
Just not to see you touch each other.
But well, someone told me.
You can never change the person's character.
because you;re doing it for Hafiz.
You're his baby and gongzhu.
Totally understand.
Just minimize when you are with us~

As for me, I will try to shut my mouth.
If I dont verbalize, I would really wanna puke.
I would control, because I know I can get very nasty.

It's alright if you dont wanna be my friend.
But, as a team mate and an ex-classmate.
I really hope, that you can help minimize everything.

But from the start, I have never opposed to you and hafiz.
or else, i would have stopped indefinitely.
You guys; happy also good.
We cant do much.
But it's uncomfortable to ignore further.

I dont hate you.
I just dont know why u are acting like this.
Anyway, sorry about the nasty facebook posts.

Labels: friends issues, im missing him, talk

"i wonder..am i bringing you happiness or bringing you boredom?"

*sighs
its all over.
baby..
all over..

well..
except the science practical.
we have to wait till 1.30?
*screams.
im like gna rot my ass off..
sighs.
he's on shift 2..

ahhs.
went to eat pizza after our papers.
Amanda treat
HAPPY NOT? AMANDA?
then walked all the way from kovan to amanda house.
that really sucks sia.
my legs hurt like hell.
inclu amanda's scratches..
on my hand..
i shall post the pic nxt time.
amanda's bad traits!~
i shall name that topic.. :D

met rubbish and ding at kovan.
both going home.. :)

walked to her hse,
we tricked the guys and they were slow as slugs. :/
reached amanda hse,went up.
hailmi..
was acting weird..
and it was kinda cute thou. haha.
sat in her hse then watch snakes on the plane,
disgusting sia..
although watch a lil before..
but really..wabiang..sickening!

then walked all the way to the playground which
sam and mingyan played on the way while walking to my hse.
* i was sick by the way..
Was emo-ing all the way.
alwee walked with me,
while playing with me.. haha.. :D

played the weird weird rides in the playground.
almost peed in my pants when i saw alwee and hailmi playing arnd.
then walked to the bus stop.
finally,something to sit on!
sam and hailmi walked.
hailmi was dizzy.
he has a lil weakness,
shall not exploit it..

Alwee,amanda,neelam,i
reached my house first..
alwee cuz stay there. :D
the boys 'booked' the court.
amanda and i, walked to my house to get water.
and balls. :D

tried pumping the volleyball,
but the pump got a lil sot,
finally,with my maid's help,
the ball got inflated! yay!

met the guys at the bball court.
sam and hailmi havent reach..
till we played arnd with the balls.
not long after,they arrived.
it was said that the lost their way while taking a shortcut.
Moral of the story: dun take shortcuts,it dont work..
Sam dirtied her shoes and was grumbling arnd.
lol.

played arnd with them and started playing dodgeball.
we kept winning..
was teamed with amanda and neelam.
i kept going out first. :(

then alas,
neelam went with alwee.
amanda,sam,hailmi and i stayed and played ABC.
left after playing till i almost went mad.
i either had airball or missed.
was moving back and fro. lol

went home after that.
rested.
i miss him when i was alone.
and he said that im weird..
to act cold when im with him,
but starts to get sick when im far away from hhim. D:
yea,
i feel that im weird.
really..
sighs*

28.08.07

11:25pm end oenning down my notes.

Labels: im missing him

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