»Nostalgic
Monday, January 09, 2012
"A new beginning starts at every end"
My cousin got her results back!
I have 3 younger cousins that are taking their O levels results.
She was upset that her score wasnt up to standard.
It was great (as compared to mine)
But I did see..
She studied really hard.
If I did previously, maybe I would have did better.
This brought back memories.
Sad memories.
4 years ago, it was I.
I remember the first time I took my results.
I was telling myself..
Please.. dont fail
But well..
Apparently, Heaven didnt want me to faint or die of heart attack.
It allowed me to see my O level results.
An exaggerated version.
I dreamnt of 29 points.
Then on the day itself, I opened that letter.
And I started bawling.
First, I was relieved that it wasn't like the predicted.
But then it was no better.
I got a RAW score of 26.
After my **CCA points ,
it was 25.
THE.SAME.NUMBER.LIKE.MY.BIRTH.DATE.
what the fuckery fuck?
Ok la, die.
The first things through my mind is..
I cant go any school.
Because my paper only states limited school.
I was devastated.
I cried.
Then my mom called.
Well, it was horrid.
She was like "well, it was expected."
Oh well then.
I was heartbroken.
My teachers were kinder, nicer and gentler.
Psssh.
Ohwell, my own mom.
How nice.
But well, its her la.
She is always like that.
her sarcasm can burn through walls.
Aiya.
Then have to hide results from relatives.
Hide here hide there.
but in the end, still kena shoot.
Ok la,
i give up!
I just went my way into RP.
Met good friends there.
Friends.. smart ones.
Very thankful to them too.
Because I could freely tell them whats my L1R5.
Without feeling embarrassed.
With my family.
Its like a pride there.
I think i must be adopted.
But fuck, I look too much like my dad.
ah, what the fuck.
But also..
I think I must do better in the future.
Because I always have a mind set thats states..
"Can pass, can already."
"Can pass, can already."
Now must strive better!
JIAYOU!
Maybe I should be like my cousin.
Go take up course.
JIAYOU!
Labels: memories, nostalgia, o level, rants
words spilled @ 1/09/2012 02:56:00 PM /
> leave goosebumps here ⋄
»Controlling emotions
Friday, July 22, 2011
Sometimes, to control one's emotions takes power.
Abusing my blog again.. by ranting.
Im sorry, this makes me looks like I am filled with angst at all time.
But im not..
Im just having my bad days today,
and I have taken in too much negative comments from others..
But also, im harboring negative thoughts lately.
Its difficult not to, because I tend to repeat those negative stuff people says to me.
And it kinda leads me to think about other negative stuff.
xue(3) jia(1) chen(2) shuang(1)
cant type chinese here, so put pinyin.
It means, add snow become a blanket of snow. (or smthing like that)
Yeaa, so im pretty upset about things I hear.
And seriously, i have low self esteem..
My self esteem is like a lizard,
but I tend to mentally boost myself to look like a frill lizard.
Go google whats frill lizard.
So yeaaaa, I am not exactly someone who is confident.
But I know how to feign it at times.
Especially when things are going my way, and whenever im happy.
I tend to feel confident.
But deep down low, I have very lowwww self esteem.
lol, damn sad.
Thats why im not one who can withstand psychological taunting or comments.
Regarding.. my weight and size and appearance..
And these few days, these has been coming out from someone I dont like.
Im close to hating this person but not yet.. (soon , i think)
And it hurts.
Hello, Im not made of steel, wood, or any inanimate object in this universe.
Im a damn human, who (over)thinks, emotional and really sensitive.
Also, I have very low self esteem.
(Dont freaking abuse the knowledge that I have low self esteem)
You can gtfo of my friendship, if you are like that.
And fuck you.
So, yup.
I was feeling really raw from all this comments chaffing the past few days.
And it didnt help that he had to rub my wound again.
Laughing at what I eat, how i do things, my size, my skin condition.
Ohplease, DO I NOT FUCKING KNOW THAT?!
I have someone close to me CONSTANTLY reminding me that I have my dad genes.
Yea, my mother.
So I dont need to have you shooting bullets through me.
Thank you so much.
I dont know, I am filled with angst and stuff.
But cannot be helped, cos I cant UNTHINK all these upset stuff.
And fyi ; things said to a child..
Will always remain with a child.
Trust me, it takes constant reminder/praise (not excessive) that a child is good..
To make this child grow up strong in his cognitive ways.
But all it takes, is ONE 1 negative comment..
And you will be gunning down those self confidence a kid tries hard to develop.
Why am I so sure about this?
Been there and done that.
Im so upset about this.
Really.
Dont need to add to the stuff I face at work.
I still have half a saturday to go through.
I wanna request alternate saturdays off. ):
Please, 3 months probation.
Please hurry up.
Ok, ranting completed.
Trying to calm down now.
Time to delete teh cookies from the desktop.
Ciao. <3
Oh, yenxi..!
I MISS YOU ALOT. :D
I cant wait for november/december.
XOXO girlfriend~!
words spilled @ 7/22/2011 06:08:00 PM /
> leave goosebumps here ⋄
»Hurrrhurrr
Saturday, June 04, 2011
" Sometimes the smartest person can be pretty dumb.. "
Ok, so the first post after i changed my blog link. (:
weeee!
I am employed.. and life still kinda sucked.
So yea..
But i have this nagging feeling in me, and its very hard for me to talk.
And now, as in talking to my family has been..
INCREASINGLY HARD.
I dont know.
Maybe it was like that since last time.
Then I created a fantasy in my head thinking that everything was pretty fine.
And my mom was cool and so on.
(yea, she is cool.. and scary)
So its pretty much nonsense thou.
Pfffft.
Kinda sucks.
Cos I feel as if I am going throu the '16 year old' phase again.
Nobody understands what you are saying.
Sigh, and sometimes people around you can be such jerks.
Esp brothers.
Sigh, he can be sooo nice.
But sometimes it feels as if he suddenly had his period and starts PMS-ing.
Its really annoying.
Also, the worst thing is he's pretty smart.
(As compared to me)
Sidenote: I think my IQ has dropped rapidly these days
So whenever we quarrel on something, its difficult to have something smart thrown at him.
Even if its smart, he will just throw it back at you and make you look stupid.
Urgh, fuck.. right?
Interacting with him is like interacting with a timebomb.
With no indication when it will blow.
It is easy to have a conversation with him.
But when he gets cranky, oh man..
I avoid his path.
So its dangerous.
Thats a reason I interact very little with him at times.
He can be very nice and very nasty.
But at least he isnt 2 faced, cos he can be super duper straightforward and stubborn.
The worst side of a human being.
The nice and the nasty
Ooo, ok.
im done ranting.
I FEEL SO GOOOD!
Sigh, I so do not want to go work on mondays. ):
it sucks.
The worse thing is to handle something which they said to set an expectation for.
Siao.
How can I??!
Sian sian sian sian sian
Labels: rants, sian, upset, work
words spilled @ 6/04/2011 11:25:00 PM /
> leave goosebumps here ⋄
