"life is too short to hate.."

i had my cousin staying over tonight.
but only tonight.
unlike when we were younger.

more time..

now, we rarely even have time to go out.
its so sad.
TT__TT

i wish I can just spend more time with her.
like how I could previously.
lunch with her and stuff.

I have to admit, I hate growing up.
(i know im talking like a kid..)
but i really do wish.

sometimes, i just yearn to go back to the past.
where I could do better as an elder sister.
I could love her more and stuff.
*sighs*

Am I the only one not growing up?
Im pretty peeved though, about this..
"growing up too fast" thing.
*sighs*

After this few short hours together.
She will go home and I wont see her for another while.
Funny,right?
So close yet so far..

Now she's the vice head of the student council.
Doing things that I always lament about.
All those proposals and stuff.
I wonder what I was doing during secondary 2.
Partying and rebelling.
yes,that was what I am.

I am just amazed and stuff, really.
Would I say i regret?
I wont nor I will.
(in academic ways, probably yes)

But thats was how I grew up.
I grew up knowing these people...
Shaping me and stuff.
It is just another way of growing up.

----------------------------------------

Comparisons are meant to improve one.
But how can I see improvements when biasness was intended?
You always said "its ok.."
But you must be hating, I could see it in your eyes.
Cynicism.

You just pretend..
Everytime when I fault,
you never seem to reprimand..
Only to use snide remarks.

You said it was not,
but who can you lie to?
To yourself?
I can see and sense everything.
Every emotion around me.
You never seem to conceal them when you are with me.

Always stating that you are in pain,
I am forced to blame myself.
Only to look back and see myself crying.
I am in ruins, you never seem to care.

The best was to keep, the losers were to weep.
was that what you thought of me?
You were never on balance with your scale.
Tilting to the left,
only to get bitten.

Here, you run to me.
Cooing that I was worth.
But when you are up again,
I am deemed worthless in your eyes.

Tell me the truth.
I rather not pretend to see you like this.
Hating and Loving.
Black and White.

Lying to myself till the grave..
Is this what you want?
I will return you my soul, just release me.
I am better off dead when I am with you.
Only to be killed and revived when needed.

Keepsake, I dont belong to you.
I will stop trusting you..
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emo.emo.emo.
yea, i have my emo days too.
I am feeling emo.
D:
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I saw what yenxi wrote about friends.
very touched. :D
tyty.

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Tutorial:
I will think of what I wanna say when I think of it. PEACE OUTTTTTTTTT.