ยป"im sorry"
Sunday, August 05, 2007
"i wished it didnt happen,yet it did."
ohgosh,
all im feeling now is jumbled up.
its really heart wrenching to think abt that.
Anyway..
this blog name is gone for good.
if there's a will,there's a way.
i wna experience solitude now.
im feeling apologetic,sad and just..
really sad.
i've felt this countless of times,
even when im with people.
i feel lonely,sad and empty.
i've told this to people around me.
yet..
their reactions were the same.
or some even just changed the subject.
"am i that..annoying..?"
i asked myself.
yet i only could picture myself nodding my head sadly.
are 2 better than one..?
or 3 better than 2?..
the first one is thou..
but 3..
is just triple trouble..
"that's what is see now."
i cant help but to feel left out.
"should i just take myself out from this..?"
i asked myself again.
only to feel really upset and frustrated.
i cried that day,because of you two..
i had told myself once.
never to get upset over a mere friendship.
i've seen many examples of people crying over a friendship.
"they're weird.."
thats all i could hear myself say..
till i was in one situation,
where i said;
"friends are not very important.."
and their reaction was huge.
thats where i began to feel needed.
i felt really happy,
to feel wanted by you guys.
but yet,
this feeling had turned into rage and jealousy.
it begin to fade into depression and a burden.
i have turned to being alone.
i thought..
"probably,im the one neglecting them.."
i tried to join in..
in futile,
it made me see more things which hurt me more.
i wanted to step back and pretend nothing has happened.
yet..
i felt really upset and tight inside.
my emotions swayed hard.
swinging from happiness to sadness,
then depression..
i tried interacting again,
yet i only brushed my hands on pain.
why..?
why do you make me feel so lost and sad..?
all i wanted,
was that i could interact properly with you two.
but..
i just cant.
the misery is flooding.
its just too painful to look at now.
shall i cry last..
for this friendship..?
i hope this would be the last.
E.L.F ;
"im sorry,
i know from your presence,that im important.
but it hurts me when im alone..
i wish that we could have a stand off period,
before i wish for us to continue as friends."
Anyway,
i would have to stop on that topic.
yesterday,
i felt terrible..
i've known of a truth that i dread of.
all i could,
is to apologise..
"i didnt know that it was so soon,
im really sorry..
i thought..that what you said;
a little meant a little..
i didnt think that it would surge till that it was full.
i dreaded for that to happened..
to me..
you two are my siblings..
and to tell you the truth..
she is also bleeding inside.
i known and i have felt.
that this feelings was not just infatuation.
she told me before..
' i would have chose him,but i cant.
It's all too late.. and we cant be together,
i do not want to lose this friendship. '
Now..
all i can is to stay away.
i do no want to see you two getting hurt again..
Because you two are just heartfelt people that makes me feel very comfortable.
please..
accept my apology..."
"im just confused now and lost."
Labels: its just another chilly fall.
words spilled @ 8/05/2007 10:31:00 AM /
> leave goosebumps here ⋄
