EUNICE

Nostalgic

2012-01-09T14:56:00.002+08:00

"A new beginning starts at every end"

My cousin got her results back!

I have 3 younger cousins that are taking their O levels results.

She was upset that her score wasnt up to standard.

It was great (as compared to mine)

But I did see..

She studied really hard.

If I did previously, maybe I would have did better.

This brought back memories.

Sad memories.

4 years ago, it was I.

I remember the first time I took my results.

I was telling myself..

Please.. dont fail

But well..

Apparently, Heaven didnt want me to faint or die of heart attack.

It allowed me to see my O level results.

An exaggerated version.

I dreamnt of 29 points.

Then on the day itself, I opened that letter.

And I started bawling.

First, I was relieved that it wasn't like the predicted.

But then it was no better.

I got a RAW score of 26.

After my **CCA points ,

it was 25.

THE.SAME.NUMBER.LIKE.MY.BIRTH.DATE.

what the fuckery fuck?

Ok la, die.

The first things through my mind is..

I cant go any school.

Because my paper only states limited school.

I was devastated.

I cried.

Then my mom called.

Well, it was horrid.

She was like "well, it was expected."

Oh well then.

I was heartbroken.

My teachers were kinder, nicer and gentler.

Psssh.

Ohwell, my own mom.

How nice.

But well, its her la.

She is always like that.

her sarcasm can burn through walls.

Aiya.

Then have to hide results from relatives.

Hide here hide there.

but in the end, still kena shoot.

Ok la,

i give up!

I just went my way into RP.

Met good friends there.

Friends.. smart ones.

Very thankful to them too.

Because I could freely tell them whats my L1R5.

Without feeling embarrassed.

With my family.

Its like a pride there.

I think i must be adopted.

But fuck, I look too much like my dad.

~~Maybe I got a different mom.~~

ah, what the fuck.

But also..

I think I must do better in the future.

Because I always have a mind set thats states..
"Can pass, can already."

Now must strive better!

JIAYOU!

Maybe I should be like my cousin.

Go take up course.

JIAYOU!

Controlling emotions

2011-07-22T18:08:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, to control one's emotions takes power.

Abusing my blog again.. by ranting.

Im sorry, this makes me looks like I am filled with angst at all time.

But im not..

Im just having my bad days today,

and I have taken in too much negative comments from others..

But also, im harboring negative thoughts lately.

Its difficult not to, because I tend to repeat those negative stuff people says to me.

And it kinda leads me to think about other negative stuff.

xue(3) jia(1) chen(2) shuang(1)

cant type chinese here, so put pinyin.

It means, add snow become a blanket of snow. (or smthing like that)

Yeaa, so im pretty upset about things I hear.

And seriously, i have low self esteem..

My self esteem is like a lizard,

but I tend to mentally boost myself to look like a frill lizard.

Go google whats frill lizard.

So yeaaaa, I am not exactly someone who is confident.

But I know how to feign it at times.

Especially when things are going my way, and whenever im happy.

I tend to feel confident.

But deep down low, I have very lowwww self esteem.

lol, damn sad.

Thats why im not one who can withstand psychological taunting or comments.

Regarding.. my weight and size and appearance..

And these few days, these has been coming out from someone I dont like.

Im close to hating this person but not yet.. (soon , i think)

And it hurts.

Hello, Im not made of steel, wood, or any inanimate object in this universe.

Im a damn human, who (over)thinks, emotional and really sensitive.

Also, I have very low self esteem.

(Dont freaking abuse the knowledge that I have low self esteem)

You can gtfo of my friendship, if you are like that.

And fuck you.

So, yup.

I was feeling really raw from all this comments chaffing the past few days.

And it didnt help that he had to rub my wound again.

Laughing at what I eat, how i do things, my size, my skin condition.

Ohplease, DO I NOT FUCKING KNOW THAT?!

I have someone close to me CONSTANTLY reminding me that I have my dad genes.

Yea, my mother.

So I dont need to have you shooting bullets through me.

Thank you so much.

I dont know, I am filled with angst and stuff.

But cannot be helped, cos I cant UNTHINK all these upset stuff.

And fyi ; things said to a child..

Will always remain with a child.

Trust me, it takes constant reminder/praise (not excessive) that a child is good..

To make this child grow up strong in his cognitive ways.

But all it takes, is ONE 1 negative comment..

And you will be gunning down those self confidence a kid tries hard to develop.

Why am I so sure about this?

Been there and done that.

Im so upset about this.

Really.

Dont need to add to the stuff I face at work.

I still have half a saturday to go through.

I wanna request alternate saturdays off. ):

Please, 3 months probation.

Please hurry up.

Ok, ranting completed.

Trying to calm down now.

Time to delete teh cookies from the desktop.

Ciao. <3

Oh, yenxi..!

I MISS YOU ALOT. :D

I cant wait for november/december.

XOXO girlfriend~!

History repeats itself..

2011-06-18T00:02:00.003+08:00

"It's happening again.."

What is?
My friendship woes..
It sucks, really..
Maybe it was my fault..
But I'm too obnoxious to admit that..

Well, I lost her as a friend..
It's sad..
We kicked off pretty well..
Then it crumbled when I took her for granted..
Bad habits die hard..

Maybe if I start thinking deeper..
It will help?
I really don't know..
I want to go back to when we first started..

The first time we went shopping,
And I realized how much I love you as my friend..
That I thought u finally had such an awesome friend I can click with..
And I thought I could have that selfish thoughts having you as my BFF..
(ok, BFF is a taboo word..)
I try not to use it because bad things happen when you label your friends as BFFs..
-shudders-

(wait.. I want to clarify or make something clear before I continue..)
I have a handful of best friends..
I did some housekeeping to my friendships..
All my friendships are different..
They are all different experiences to me.
The differences in that,
is the experience I have experienced with that friend..
but ALL my friendships (close ones) are very important to me..
So, please understand that the way I handle my friendship with different people are different..
I may have not used the right method to handle our friendship..
That was failure in my part..

Allow me to continue..
I have never, ever dreamed of having a friend like you.
I was really very happy when I was with you..
Because I felt that I could connect with you..
And I told you things I felt I could pull out my mouth with others..
I trusted you, I still trust you..
Because you are still that friend I know..
But you have took up the role of being another person BFF..
That is my loss..

honestly, I really miss you.
Pride has taken me over..
But partly, the reason why I'm not going to patch is up.
Is because I know I have already lost the friendship we once had.
It's going to be different now..
Especially, what you told me that day..
Your friendship with your ex best friend no longer felt the same.
That is what I fear..
Because being the selfish me..
I would want the friendship to regain to what it was before this friendship died.

I'm a spoiled person.
Spoiled by you..
For always being so nice and attentive to me.
Texting me and being worried..
You know, rarely anyone gives me a shit.
Maybe they did once, then they gave up..
But you didn't give up..
Thank you for being such a gracious friend..
Because you are always forgiving..
I'm sorry for not working hard on this friendship..

I miss you, my friend.
It sucks to have lost a friend like you.
I should have known that I should have held on.
But sucks to be me, isn't it?

People would never know how to treasure before they lose it.
It always apply to me.
Maybe I have shit loads of friends who have been worrying..
But I just thought they would be there for me , cos they just would be.
An obnoxious thinking..

I want you as my friend again..
Can we go back to what we were in school..?
My friend, I miss you..
曾经拥有。

I'm sorry.

Hurrrhurrr

2011-06-04T23:25:00.004+08:00

" Sometimes the smartest person can be pretty dumb.. "

Ok, so the first post after i changed my blog link. (:

weeee!

~~ok, so many things changed!~~

I am employed.. and life still kinda sucked.

So yea..

But i have this nagging feeling in me, and its very hard for me to talk.

And now, as in talking to my family has been..

INCREASINGLY HARD.

I dont know.

Maybe it was like that since last time.

Then I created a fantasy in my head thinking that everything was pretty fine.

And my mom was cool and so on.

(yea, she is cool.. and scary)

So its pretty much nonsense thou.

Pfffft.

Kinda sucks.

Cos I feel as if I am going throu the '16 year old' phase again.

Nobody understands what you are saying.

Sigh, and sometimes people around you can be such jerks.

Esp brothers.

Sigh, he can be sooo nice.

But sometimes it feels as if he suddenly had his period and starts PMS-ing.

Its really annoying.

Also, the worst thing is he's pretty smart.

(As compared to me)

Sidenote: I think my IQ has dropped rapidly these days

So whenever we quarrel on something, its difficult to have something smart thrown at him.

Even if its smart, he will just throw it back at you and make you look stupid.

Urgh, fuck.. right?

Interacting with him is like interacting with a timebomb.

With no indication when it will blow.

It is easy to have a conversation with him.

But when he gets cranky, oh man..

I avoid his path.

So its dangerous.

Thats a reason I interact very little with him at times.

He can be very nice and very nasty.

But at least he isnt 2 faced, cos he can be super duper straightforward and stubborn.

The worst side of a human being.

The nice and the nasty

Ooo, ok.

im done ranting.

I FEEL SO GOOOD!

Sigh, I so do not want to go work on mondays. ):

it sucks.

The worse thing is to handle something which they said to set an expectation for.

Siao.

How can I??!

Sian sian sian sian sian

Milestones

2011-05-13T01:18:00.000+08:00

"A step at a time. A milestone "

So, im officially left without the strings of freedom

and am not allowed to make any excuses for not working.

How dreadful.

Yeahyeah, I know.

'Stop being a lazy bone?'

Cant help it, I AM a lazy person.

Sigh, but staying at home is something one should not do.

Its bad for the health, it strains on your friendship (some) ,

your mental states gets wayyy twisted.

Its horrible.

Something I tried and experienced,

but I 'die-die' dont want to snap out of it.

Now I am questioning myself daily..

'Whats wrong with you, you lazy-as-hell woman'

Sigh, its bad.

On one side; moaning and dreading of working.

while the other ;

moans too about staying at home and getting grilled for not getting a job.

Its not cool when you get grilled in this manner.

It sucks, ALOT.

So, why is staying at home (for too long) not a good thing.

Here's why ;

1. Sleep late, wake up late.

Why do I sleep late?

Because I am doing something unproductive

like watching shows or staring at the TV for hours.

Ask me what am i good at..

I can sit at the TV for hours and still watch reruns of anything

that involves good looking guys and interesting plot.

You see?! UNPRODUCTIVE.

*strangles self*

So I can watch and surf the net for hours till wee mornings or mornings.

6am to be precise.

Yea, ship me off to America.

I think I would do ok there.

So to compromise the lack of sleep my body thought is needed.

It makes me sleep additional time, as compared to what I require.

Prolly 7 & 8 hours is enough.

Nope, my body makes me sleep till 3 0r 4pm.

You see, half of my day just goes 'poof'.

And the cycle begins again.

Im gonna look like a grandma by the age of 30.

I better sleep early.

(Oh, surprise. It's 1am and im still typing away.)

So,yeah. That's number 1 for u.

-----------------

2. Your cognitive thinking goes awry.

The 'thinking' department has never been under my forte.

Never,ever, ever,ever.

I cant think straight at times, even when im sober.

Sometimes, I dont think before I speak.

I take a long time to think through decisions.

But,never ending up making a wise one.

So, adding up what has been said in number 1.

Not enough sleep + someone who lacks brilliance in the thinking department

= haywired mess.

Results are proven to be horrid.

Need not mention horrid twice, because its already is.

Hah!

(You see; NOT THINKING)

gosh.

Plus, studies showed that people

lacking sleep or having too much sleep will cause health issues.

1. You die early.

2. Your cognitive areas kinda starts to get haywired.

(These terms are not textbook terms)

Oh, and another..

Your memory starts failing you.

You see, this is 'bollocks' and ridiculous.

So, you see..

This and that adds up to the current anxiety I posses.

I think too much and at times think too little.

But either ways, its causing me ALOT of trouble.

So yea, Im turning into an emo nemo or emo bitch.

(minus the slashing, unless thinking of doing it is included)

3. You social skills deteriorates (in a landslide manner).

Previously, I get awkward.

Now, im horridly awkward.

I cant find the right words for the right time.

And whenever I get the hint of awkwardness,

I wanna kill myself.

This is also the dark side of being at home for too long.

You do not interact much, you stop going out and have a life.

Its horrible.

And you think about weird stuff.

----------------------------------------

Sigh.

(Have been sighing alot lately)

Grandpa told mum that bad luck follows when you sigh.

Hmm..

So I have another cycle.

I sigh because i think im in a bad situation, then bad luck tags along..

So another bad situation, and another sigh, and another bad luck.

Never ends.

So, eunice stop sighing.

----------------------

Well, permit me to sigh again.

This is necessary.

I have come to see that some of my friendship webs have gone down south.

Well, it happened before and it happens again.

So kinda its my fault.

But,allow me to defend myself..

(2 hands to clap and make a sound)

But that was in defense, so I shall not be charged.

Why would I say that?

Im not finger pointing, I do admit Im in the wrong.

And well, just leave it to that.

But one thing is to be sure,

Its the old drama with the new twist.

Hate it when this happens.

The jibes, the taunts, the sarcasm.

Something im overly familiar with.

Well, let bygones be bygones.

If im still your friend, i will deeply appreciate it if you stop the taunts.

---------------------------

Ok, at least the dark mental state of mine is slowly fading as I type.

It always helped when I write or blog (in a personal manner) ,

it calms me down and makes everything lighter.

But writing makes my hand ache, and im more attuned to typing now.

(Oh god, what am I supposed to do when i enter uni?!)

-fml-

S0, i read a letter a friend wrote to me previously.

(i love handwritten letters, thats why I like writing them.

pardon the handwriting thou.)

I was deeply touched by what she wrote in it.

Even though she wrote it long before my birthday,

but I hope she's not wrong.

That I have not change drastically or turned for the worst.

Because I slowly think I am.

It hurts horribly when you think you are getting worst,

when you start getting over paranoid and such.

Like you get scared whether can you fit into the social circle,

without feeling awkward.

Because my 'fight or flight' system comes up, and I choose the latter.

I run, like a rhino... from these situations.

Hide or cover things up with white lies.

To save my awkward ass from burning.

Its dreadful.

Now, my blog posting sounds like a confession.

-chuckles to self-

Oh well, transparency is the policy.

"Be honest with others and yourself."

-----------------------------

To sum things up..

I have to pull up my pants and my socks..

No matter how dreaded I may be with going forward into the future.

I have to do it.

(Im unwilling to move out of my comfort zone.)

So, its going to take alot of effort to pull this off.

I would have to keep moving on even if it with trepidation.

Im just so worried what the future holds now.

So worried and afraid, that I wouldnt take another step out.

I need to coax myself to 'dip my toe' into the cold waters,

or someone please just shove me in.

Urgh.

-----------------------

For now, I have to live with the constant naggings.

Bless me.

resuscitate.

2011-05-07T02:23:00.002+08:00

"Prove to me otherwise."

BLOG,
WHY ARE YOU SO DEAD?

i havent blogged about anythang at all.
its so sad.
Anw, I went to taiwan during march..
with my best friends.
Well, it was close to perfect.
They were the ones who were perfect.
Not me. :/

Anyhoo, im gonna graduate soon.
Blah, having interpersonal relationship problems.
its bad. -rawrs-
but ohwell, gonna take it slowwww.

im rotting.
pssssh~

ok, im gonna change my blog address.
yay yay yay!

and it all goes down again

2011-01-12T22:42:00.002+08:00

"And it goes down from here..."

Ahh, as I am blogging this.
I am slowly edging to the end of Week 11 of my 3rd year.
So fast.

I still remember I was complaining and contemplating of quitting school in year 1.
I was asking "wtf, did i come this school. Should I just go ITE?"
Then, things became positive.
The people I met, the things I was learning.
I was counting down by days.
During year 2 sem 2 I was saying..
"I wanna graduate.. FAST!"

Now I am pretty much thrown off guard.
Because I am going to graduate in a few weeks.
Then thats my next step in my life.
Work? Studies? Or what?
Confusing and really daunting for me.
(I never plan. Always impromptu)

Bad habit that must be kicked.

So, just I kinda went to see my results.
and bla, i still failed my science.
waste my money and time.
Sorry mommy. ):
Remind to self; email Rowena about it.

Anywhoo..
I am getting really frustrated.
I do not know whether is this frustration directed to my self..
Or directed to people who caused this frustration.

You know what I am always trying to please you.
Trying to make conversations, (I try hard not to make it awkward)
But!!! In the end, I feel as if I am talking to myself.
Very angry and upset at the same time.
Its funny how I want to talk and understand you people.
Yet, I just can bite my lips.
To prevent any more awkward moments.

Seriously, I felt really exhausted once I left.
its the same feeling I felt previously.
Always this suffocating and unbearing tension.
I feel, I rather go alone (and I did feel better when I was alone)
How contradicting.
I seeked for companionship, but I felt so much better alone.

I just have to remind myself,
its ok. I do not need to please everyone.
Let it be.
So, inner me..
Please dont feel upset when you feel left out.
Its not really that bad anyway.

Enough of my ranting..
Anywhooooo!!!
I am learning how to play the guitar, AGAIN!!
:D
Bro teaching me power chords, and apparently..
Those chords can be used for different songs~
Awesome much?!
Learning how to play Dashboard Confessional's
Belle of the Boulevard.

From verse 1 to chorus is done.
Just need to get the hang of the finger placement and long pauses.
lol~
Hopefully, by some time..
I can know how to play a full song~
:D

Indeed, my dog (pudding) and music (guitar) calms me down.
Because after hugging Pudding and practising on my guitar.
I felt so tired that I slept for 3 hours~
Thats why Im blogging at 11pm now.
Very energetic now.
But after this, I need to revise psychology (P6-10)
so i can coach a friend.

Like WTFBBQ, right?
Eunice is teaching people. -.-
I hope i dont screw up neither screw my friend's grade up.
Please!

ok la, gotta go revise.
Ohya, I miss my eyecandy~

Funny how humans acts

2011-01-10T14:10:00.003+08:00

" Funny, how we are.. "

Bad habits, that are too hard to kick.
I am filled with flaws, countless I mean.
I cant speak perfect english, I have acne (bad case) , I dont look proportionate,
neither do I look healthy, I dont have..
Wait, why am I hogging about this issue when,
I was supposed to blog about something else.
- chuckles and shakes her head wryly -

But the things I was supposed to blog is kinda related,
to what I wrote.
One thing to add to my growing list;
I have issues.

Like,honestly.. I think I do.
Sometimes, I do not know what to tag that feeling that overcomes me.
Sadness, rage, jealousy?
(It only happens when there's negative emotions)
But, I daresay.. I shun negative emotions really fast.
Like ASAP.
I would force myself to think about other things.
Call it escaping, but I am not strong to face it.
I have been running.
But lets leave that topic for some other post.

It happens to me, I can tell you.
I aint any saint.
I cant hold my temper, I cant hold my feelings when I feel jealous or hurt.
But sometimes, I try so hard.
To hold it all in, so others wont feel bad.
I question myself; am I doing this for them or myself?
The lines between this 2 has blurred haphazardly.
I just get so upset thinking about this.

True enough, when i get good grades..
I feel really good..
But when I hear others getting better grades..
Something just overwhelms me.
This is that feeling that i cant name.
Am I angry?
Why cant I be happy and GENUINELY happy for them?
I honestly feel I am a very selfish person.
This is something I have been fighting since secondary school.

But in the end, I always end up running away.

Now all I can chant in my head;
"You can do better and try harder next time"

But really, will I?
Can I?

Bad or good

2010-12-20T02:12:00.002+08:00

" the weigh of the bad and good. "

I dont know.
I am having that feeling of being exasperated and upset,
yet I want to come upon as i dont give a shit.

im so frustrated.
damn

Remember me

2010-12-06T14:10:00.003+08:00

"Remember me?"

I am feeling so troubled right now.
So many things going through my mind today.
I didnt expect my monday to go this way.
Well, its Monday though. So, who would expect otherwise?
Hur.

Actually, its funny that my blog is so restricted now.
I dont know, I am not exactly blogging the truth
Like yea, Blog is created for people to read and update..
Right?

But at times, i just want to treat this as my electronic diary.
And omit post concerning of who and whatsoever, so they wont see it.
Funny, heh.

------- inserts grumpy expression----------

I am quite messed up right now.
Like messed up in generally and currently.
Currently, I cant sort my thoughts out nor collate them.
There's so much to handle..
Like alot, in different aspects..
People around me, final year in school, and etc..
Worst, myself..

I am losing it.

Sometimes there are things, you cant say.

2010-11-13T01:34:00.002+08:00

" There's so many things.. "

I havent been blogging for a while now.

I just didnt have the 'feel' to blog.

Whereas now, I have something to blog about.

Or maybe just rants.

I dont know.

Sigh, I just realized I am sinking into mud again.

At first, I thought it was just plain fun to joke and act all delirious.

But I had just set the trap for myself.

I pushed myself into it, and tadaa..

I am in trouble now.

I have been constantly worrying and thinking about this person.

I didnt expect this to actually happen.

I thought, this would blow over.

Maybe its in my system that I have to someone to dream about,

or maybe i would just collapse.

Since secondary school, it was pretty alright.

But after reaching poly, esp Year 3.

things are getting out of hand.

Sigh, I am worried for myself.

Living in self delusional lies was not what I was hoping for.

This is worrisome.

Also, I realised...

That I am becoming a really bad person.

A bad friend, especially.

I am slowly turning into this 2 faced creature that I have always hated.

My tongue has been wagging viciously at whatever that I wasnt happy about

I am a bad person. ):

A bad friend.

Wary

2010-10-29T19:12:00.003+08:00

"A thin line between fun and offensive"

Ok, chemistry was plain shitty.
I dont know how to do.
FAIL LIAO.
F9 liao.

Procrastination became my best friend. ):

Physics on Monday.
-prays hard-
Ok la, even burn paper and drink also wont work
I never study, how to pass?
You tell me?

But please please, give me the strength and encouragement to study.
I really need it.
Oh Buddha!! ):
(Sorry, I get really superstitious when it comes to this)

Anyway, MY FRIDAY IS BORING.
We're supposed to go Night Safari (Halloween) one.
Then.. sigh...
All in the soup (direct trans please)

Ok lor, study lor.
(As if, I will..)

HAIYO, Can give me something to do not??
Hands so itchy and painful (cos pudding bit me)
That PUDDING. -.-

looks harmless, but once his teeth lands on ur skin..
GONE CASE.
sibei pain.

But he's been play biting recently.
cute to the max.
how can a puppy looks so cute ah?

Especially when he's exhausted.
So awesomely cute.
(: keke

-----------------------------

Anyway, your little prank may look fun.
And I dont mind playing it for a while.
Nevertheless, thank you for bringing such a playful surprise today.

But enough hor, keke.
If you love me and treat me as a friend (I hope u do)
Please dont continue with the texts, k?
Cos I will 'fan lian'..

1 day - mini happiness is enough for me. (:
Thanks anyway.

"Am buying a harness, in case I fall to my death"
-touchwood,touchwood-

Friendship

2010-10-13T23:59:00.002+08:00

"Let's always make sure our Friendship never sinks.."

This was what I told my Primary 3 friend.
We used to draw cards and wear matching outfits when I go her house.
We would write long paragraphs on each other's book to remind that,
we will still be friends.
But soon, after I left Rosyth with horrible results..
We lost contact.

That goes to another friend of mine.
During Pri 5, I looked like a freakish giant.
(I still am, just vertically challenged now.)
But I had this awesome BFF who would come my house to play with Roy.
Oh, roy is my Pomeranian.
And in class, we would sing Jolin Tsai's 72 changes.
I miss my friend. ):

But I know, things changes.
When you grow older, you change too.
I dont even know if I would to go forward to say 'Hi', would they ignore me?
-sigh, I miss Cheryl & Rachel..-

Then, next came secondary school.
School was fun, ok.. kind of..
I was always creating trouble.
But I met good company and friends, which was awesome.
I still couldnt believe that in those 4 years..
I managed to hang out with Buzzard's seniors, talk to them and spend time there.
Also, if I am not wrong..
I may have ripped some of senior's clothes when we played catching.
I am always too rough to be a girl. -.-

Running around in school, staying late then go around.
Awesome. (:
But the friends I met there, esp those whom i had closest memories with.

First; Grace..
She was my first best friend in YYSS.
We hung out VERY often, and my parents always drove both of us to eat and such.
Our brothers even met before. haha.
Then she would teach me how to do cute stuff and etc.
Ahhh, she's someone I treasure alot.
Because whenever I got a tantrum and fights with my father.
(Oh ya, I am a damn rebellious kid when I was in Sec 1 & 2)
Then the first person I would call, while crying..
Would be Grace~ (:
Hanging out with her, allowed a brief moment of happiness when I hung out with her friends.
XY & WJ; a brief friendship.
And I am always her lightbulb when she par tor.
To me; she's like a sister.

Then next, Samantha!~
We hung out together because Grace was our common friend.
Then we became closer and closer after Grace got boyfriend.
Also, because we like korean boys. (SUPER JUNIOR)
lol.
We began to hang out, talking about SJ and even having quizzed on SJ.
lol, epic.. right?!
She is also the one whom made me believe in building friendships.
Because when I said "Friends didnt matter" during sec 2 , all of my friends was furious.
Including sam. hahaha.
We would play catching in school, hang around HDB void deck and etc.
Slack our time away.

Next was mingyan and amanda.
It was nice to hang out with them.
Whenever sam + both of them and me tgt; we are called the KIMLEEs.
We would do kpoppish stuff together.
Have fun, go crazy.
Drink, play cards..
We always laugh and do epic stuff together as 4.

Then, soon...
Sam, grace and me had vanessa in our group!
It was quite a surprise when grace got closer to van.
Sam & I werent pleased, lol.
Sorry hor, I love grace too much to share.
But then we became good friends too.
(:
Plus, vanessa used to live near me.
hehe, the fair skinned friend of mine.

Then.. during sec 3 and 4..
(For now I realised, I had lots of friends..But I didnt know how to preserve them)
I had 7 wives. LOL.
Good galfriends; like Shimin, Alyssa, Zhenling, Peiqi, & Gladys.
2 more left, cant remember who. HAHA.

We always fool arounf and such.
Not serious at all.
And I seriously, seriously.. miss alyssa..
Dont know why.
She makes me feel very calmed but hyper at the same time.

But as you know..
if you dont take care of your friendship..
And if it's nt strong.. Forget about it..
It will break.

Sigh..
I just wanted to say..
I really miss Amanda & Alyssa + shimin and chloe.
But after some time, you realised..
It is not possible to grab on something you are not suitable with and what you've lost.

But also!!
For my current friends from RP.
You guys know who you are.
In case you dont, READ HERE!!

RP Peeps that I love with my heart.
Jazreel
Shandy
Yenxi
Ruth
Kayla koala
Eileen
Amanda sim

( I am never really super close with boys, got barrier leh.)

RP Peeps that I miss
Haopeng
Ika
Heidi
Pishan
Charlotte
Jing Jing
Kino
Keith
*Hockey
*Ziheng
(I put u* here, cos I dont know where else to put)

And not forgetting friends not in RP.
I MISS YOU TOO AND LOVE YOU AS MUCH.
Grace, Sam, Sihui & Chloe + many of u~

Okthxbai. (:

Puppets.

2010-10-10T16:39:00.002+08:00

" Pull my strings, and command me.."

:D
i love grace, samantha and sihui.
awesome people.
damnit, why didnt we have sihui in our group in secondary school?
She's so nice.
T--T

anyway, its awesome to hang out with the people I love.
i have them to thank when I am happy.
sigh, schools starting soon.
bleah.

time to priorities.
becosssss, lots of my friends are back from their attachment.
hell awesome.

ok then..
now comes my wraith..
im still having sour grapes.
its a bad habit i cant kick.
-moans-

but i was silly enough to think we can be bffs.
pffft, u just wanted another 'friend'..
thank yeah. (:
no matter how much it sucks, i still have to see u.
shit.

Blogging is a chore

2010-10-08T02:26:00.006+08:00

"Blogging is a chore, esp when u are as lazy as me. :D "

Listen to FOE (friendsorenemies) radio.
They have lots of awesome alternative punk/pop/accoustics english songs.
- mega likes -

Ok, I havent been blogging.
and its shitty, cos i need to recap almost everything.
Based on my memory, its gonna be a failure.
Why?
I can forget how a person look like after not seeing him for 10minutes.
my brain cells are diminishing rapidly.
- pardon me ; if i start gibberish in the middle of our conversation. -
(:

Here goes nothing then,
so... since the last I blogged.
I just had our newest addition; Pudding.
(He's almost 4 months now.)
His birthday falls on the 26th of October '01
Heheh, im hinting for presents.. k? (:
Apart from 25th feb (me) . kekek.

He's an itchy mouth toy parti-colored poodle.
naughty and playful.
he likes to tag people around the house.
kaypo kia; kind.
He knows how to sit when I tell him to.
(SMART OR WHAT?!)
Toilet trained - in progress.
lol.

Ok, enough of my baby.
Here's a pic of him. (:
Say hello to my Pudding.
- more pics on Facebook -

So, these 2 months or 1 month plus..
Has been my holiday.. a very sluggish holiday.
I think if I am to go USA now..
I would adapt fast.
You know why?
I sleep latest at 6am, wakes at 3pm.
Or earliest, 4am.
My body is in a mess.
Bleah.

But holidays, right??
Best time to meet friends.
I have met up with / went out with..
- W54N clique (barrage,movie,mind cafe)
- Kayla (countless)
- Shandy
- Jazreel and Yenxi
- Grace and sam, plus sihui.
- Yimei (chloe) ; she left for germany. -tears-

Pic Spam

Group photo after our picnic

JUMPSHOTS!

Hanging out with YY (turns u insane)

My present that yenxi brought from thailand

My good buddies.

Settlers with jaz and yen

Date with shandy

Hockey's bday

His brownie = cake

Awesome much?

And, plus..
I celebrated Mid-Autumn festival with my parents.
The DSLR is a very essential tool. hahaha.

Big star

I hart u, kay?

Also, this holiday..
I have seen, heard and finally realised things.
Its awesome and sad at the same time..

Ohya, those that are dissing me cos of my long holidays.
Cease ur diss, school's starting soon.
damn.
A new class. SHIT.

I need to turn into a good person.
pronto.

and fuck, need to study chemistry and physic.
fuck my life. ):

2010-08-29T23:40:00.002+08:00

"Puppy over at my house.."

Ok, my family have a new addition.
Its Pudding~
We just got him in the afternoon today.
He's a parti coloured poodle.

I love him.
But now.. he have to be confined in the cage.
Cos need to get him to get used.

But..
I am so stressed.
I am getting cold feet.
Which is not good.
Cos got so much responsibility.
Stress ttm.

Need to feed him, bathe.. and etc.
Omg..
siao liao la.
how how how?

bleah

2010-08-16T23:41:00.003+08:00

"Is time really a solution?"

People always tell me..
" As time passes, all would be well.."
" Time heals all wounds "
"All you need is time..."

Waseh..
Everything all time.

But have you ever wondered..
The duration of your 'time'...
Does it best reflect your solution?

If you were to apply any of those 3 phrases/statements above.
There would still be a problem.
Example..

"Time heal all wounds.."
How long will it take you to heal all the wounds.
During the duration of 'healing' ...
there is a possibility missing out the good stuffs.

ARGH.
I dont even know what I am saying now.
Feeling so pent up and frustrated. D:

Compare

2010-08-08T23:53:00.002+08:00

"Pale in comparison"

Sometimes, I dont really know what lies under your words.
You come on as sarcastic at times, but I am ok with it.
After all, how long.. have I been through it..

Sometimes, I am really proud of myself.
Because, I can stand there without tearing or feeling sad.
As your remarks are no longer much of a threat to me.

I read from somewhere..
Pisces tend to be very specific in small details,
and when you hurt them they will remember it.

Well, that fits me.
Because nothing escapes my ears, the underlying sarcasms in your words.
Or the praises/love you have for him.

When I was a kid, this really hurt.
And I regret.. why am I not a boy too?
So you would love me more.
I do not know why..
Am I always trying to please you.
Going out with you..
Making myself look like a clown..
That now, it no longer feels embarrassing whenever I make a fool of myself.

I dont know.
I really dont know anymore.
But i really hope one day, you would know..
I love you so much, that I wished I can do something to make u happy for me.
Because, you never seem to be soft to me.
I wonder...
where has my childhood gone to..

I am so fucking deprived of your love.
But i do not dare to say.
Maybe I am just scared you would hate me if I do.

my life

2010-08-04T22:30:00.002+08:00

"Do you know what you are living for?"

For me, I am not sure.
I dont have any goals at the moment.
I see my friends having their own goals and targets.
They have their own lives to live.

I am still sitting on the fence, unsure and afraid of whats about to come.
I dont even know whether the next step I take, will lead me to anywhere.
I constantly evade my self-evaluation.
I do not know, what if once I evaluate my life..
And I know there is no way for me to go, what would I do.

I have a feeling, I am no longer using my mind.
I am just following the constant pattern.
Do what I was programmed for.
I no longer think.

That maybe the reason why the way I speak and write have dropped in standards.
I no longer have the correct word to describe how I am feeling.
I will instead use the word 'awesome' , 'great', 'fine',
even though I know I am not feeling the same.

It gets really horrible when I get angry at petty issues.
I would start to suspect what people are doing behind me.
I get paranoid, and I start thinking.

I am really losing my sanity here.
Maybe I am losing myself as a person.
The worst of it all, I do not want to move away from what I am doing now.
I feel perfectly fine even I screwed my life up.
Only a tinge of fear engulfs me when I think of whats going to happen for the moment.
Was I either going to get a scolding down?
Or would the cane come out of the cupboard like my childhood nightmares.

Then, after a short moment.
The fear goes away, but instead its taken over by defiance.
Anger, and hatred takes over my fear.
I wanted to defy, to fight back.
Scream, shout, throw things, punch or fight.
If I was beaten, I would fight back.
Thats what I would think.
My fear has escalated into anger and fury.

After the anger and fury dissipates, remorse and sadness takes over.
Normally after a small action or followed up chains of actions.
For example, like what my mother did.
She didnt scold, like usual.
Only to appear normal, talking to me in that soft tone.
At that point, I rather she came into my room to scold me.
Instead of pretending that everything is alright.

Right after sadness, it would be the 'self-talk' phase.
Where I would reason with myself.
Like to do better next time, and not let this happen again.
But when I think about it, other thoughts gets into my head.
The defiant thoughts would creep back in.

So, when the self talk phases gets settles.
I would temporarily be encouraged and tell myself;
"I would do better tomorrow"
But in the end, I do not do it.

Which takes me back to the unhealthy circle back there.
I repeat my cycle once again.
I wonder, what can end my misery..
And end the misery of others..?
Because I am seriously, tiring everyone out.
Including myself.
I am getting tired of myself that I am pretty much convinced at times, where ending is good.

-------------

I am too difficult to maintain.
I am too difficult to understand.
I have many faces, you haven't seen.
Maybe those weren't what I wanted you to see.
I am so different.
Different in many different people's eyes.

I need to end this.
Because, I have already seen people giving up on me one by one.
One day, when I give up on myself.
Dont pull me back up anymore.
I am tired.
Maybe I just want to sleep forever.

---------------

If i left, my parents wouldnt be so upset.
At least, my brother is here.
He's better, smarter, popular.
He isnt much of a trouble
Cos, I am the trouble maker.
I dont produce results efficiently.
I cant be smart, neither hardworking.
If I left..
They wouldnt need to spend so much money on me.
They wouldnt need to split their attention.
Even though, the attention for me is minimal.
But..still
They could leave it for him.
Cos even in the animal kingdom...
The best offsprings always lived.
I know, I dont belong to the 'Survival of the Fittest'
I never will.

And maybe when I leave, I would know..
Then, how many people would weep for me.
And maybe then..
It would be all too late.

I do not know, if writing this piece will cause me anything.
Maybe, writing this isnt good.
As it maybe unlucky.
But this is how I feel now.
I seriously, do not have anywhere to let this out now.

I could only talk to silence with written words.
Thats all I was here for.

boys

2010-07-31T22:51:00.002+08:00

"Boys are idiots"

Ok, not in general.
But, seriously..
-_-

So, i received a text from a friend.
And well, apparently..
the guy she likes was 'giving' her away to his friend, who likes her.
Why so?

My friend hinted the guy that she likes him alot.
Then, that guy seem to have shown the same.
But!!
All of a sudden, a rumor saying that guy's friend likes my friend too.
Dramatic?
Damn dramatic, machiam korean drama.

So, what did my friend's prince charming do?
He got very generous and kind, he gave my friend away to his friend!!
OMG.
That is like; wtffffff.

So, did he just pull the 'bros before hos' saying?
Yes, he OBVIOUSLY did.
So your bro is more important than the girl la.
wtf, please hor.
My friend is NOT a ball.
She dont need you to push her to ur friend.

Because she likes you.
-sigh-
No matter how much your friend likes her,
she still likes you best.

Can't you do the same?
Like, I know your friends are gonna say.
"You betrayed xxx because of a girl?"
Waseh, please lor.
If you did, just proudly say.
"Cos I love her too.
Too bad for xxx."

(no need to be too mean though)

Tsk!
My friend feels so heartbroken.
Cos all that guy do is to mention;
"eh, you see .. xxx looking at u."
" you should like him back too."
asshole, u not charity hor.

No need to DONATE my friend away.
That guy one, he can come and woo my friend.
NO NEED TO ask you to DONATE her to him.
If he still wants, he's a freeloader/ horny bastard.

Sigh, for me to actually know you.
You know, you freaking disappoint me.
My friend is a 'gift' from god.
And, whenever you recieve a gift, you should NEVER give it away.
Cos its rude.

You are horrible.

--- enough of my rants alr--

so, today is a sat.
tml is august, and im bored.
):
ok, bai.

Sorrow

2010-07-29T23:03:00.002+08:00

"Oh, the dismay.."

I am just upset, and all I need is a listening ear.
I need a person who doesnt know the situation just yet.
Neither does that person know who is involved.

Because I really need to get everything out.
Everything means everything.
Like, how i feel about whats happening.
But the sad problem is, I havent found the exact person yet.

Really, I was really stupid enough to
rant my nonsense towards someone that 'know' what's going on.
All I need is for you to hear, not say anything about it.
Because it actually made EVERYTHING worse.
I almost felt insulted and ready to cry when you said that.
- but as usual, i wont fucking cry unless i burst-

Besides, it would give you the 'kick' out of it, right?
To see me crying.
Yeayea, bitch. i wont!

Ok, so the reason why I need that type of person..
is because they wont freaking judge!!
I need you to stop judging me, cos I get really upset when you do.
And when I am upset + MORE upset = I lose and u die.

I need you to ;
1) Listen
2) Dont Judge
3) Let me finish what i am saying.
4) Allow me to bawl.
5) Allow me to preserve my dignity.
6) Let me bitch about anything and everything.

So, the above list is the difficult one.
Where the hell can i find this person, you tell me?!

Ok, I am being a spoilt bitch.
Since young, i dont get what I want.
I will get really upset and I will whine, moan, cry about it.

Thats how I feel about the Melbourne trip.
I know its my own careless mistake, but I am just 不爽.
(Accommodate me for this paragraph or so)
Because my friends are going for it.
Worse, the ones who said they are not going are going.
(another excuse for me to get angry)
Well, and seeing the happy faces on my friends..
Just get me really jealous and sour.

(I know, you must think I am really horrible)
Yes, I am horrible.
But I have already admitted it that I am 'spoilt' and unhappy.
- If you are horrified of me, u can leave my blog immediately -

So, I am jealous.
yes, but I am not going to 泼冷水 on my friends.
because they are really very excited about it.
And, i cannot be even more horrible.

But I am just upset, because of the fact that I missed such a chance.
Because of my own fault.
Stupid right?

Ok, now i have to suck it up.
or someone should scold me.
cos wo de pi hen yang.

anyway, im beginning to get irritated with someone again!
hello, leader.
you girlfriend doesnt mean she recieve priority emails only.
PLEASE BCC US ALSO.
Thank u, and you guys can find a room to make out.

Anyway, I wonder..
To what extent would i go to get my boyfriend's attention.
Cos I am a real attention seeker.
I really like attention alot.
haha, horrible bad habit.

So, maybe...
I would be like the same as her?
i think?
Cos she was doing that infront of the WHOLE 2 team.
sit 1 corner emo, let her bf see.
ok lo.
I think i will also like that.
As in im nt being sarcastic.
just being honest about it, maybe i will act that way too.
):

Ok, enough la.

And really, crying helps.
haha~

anger

2010-07-27T22:48:00.004+08:00

"I see red"

Gosh, I have SO much negative energy in my body these days.
I am getting angry really easily these days.
maybe I am going to pms soon.

Anyway, I am pissed about 2 things.

1)Why didnt you email me back, letting me hang there wasnt a choice for me.
Thanfully, I am trying to keep my cool without emailing you something sarcastic.
I can do that, when i am really upset or nasty.

2) wow, congrats. I kinda expected that from you.
Come on, time will tell everything.
And obviously, I have seen what you are capable of.
Nasty, serious.

anyway, I am going to be really realistic.
Seriously, there is NO one friend that you would always be pleased or seen no flaws about.
Honestly, dont lie.
Unless, you haven't been close enough or you are what I was previously.
'Close 1 eye, Open 1 eye'

I was like that, till I realised..
Why not open your both eyes and look at it for yourself
I dont deny it.
I have ALOT of faults.
Come on, it would be HARD not to bitch behind me.
I have seen it, and survived/surviving.

The point I am trying to bring about; friends will have flaws.
And sometimes, I really really have the intention to tell them straight into their faces.
I just want to go "You know, you are..."

For friends whom I know long enough, like 7 years+
I mean, really close friends.
I have decided not to say anything about it.
I realize I have grown accustomed to you guys.

For friends whom I have known for a few years like 3 years..
Also, I have seen it.
But I too, have grown accustomed to it.
Because the thoughts..
" I accept you for who you are.."
Also, if I didnt liked you..
I would have followed..
"Dont be with the people, you dont want to become.."

And for friends whom I know less than 2 years;
I am still learning to know what comes under my list.
I am still filtering, learning, watching, observing..

But..
I have seen some that i really love to treasure.
But at times, it becomes the love/hate friendship.
"I freaking hate what you are doing, but I am still considering the fact we are friends."

Also, for those newly formed frienships..
It is really succeptible to lots of nonsense.
Like trust issues, its difficult not to think about what the person is doing.
The feeling of doubt.
I know its horrible.

I go through that phase ALOT with people whom I am slowly accommodating to.
I doubt them at times, at sometimes afraid to use the word "best friend"
yea, that word..
has really deep meanings, but in the surface.
It's a title only.
Nothing much.

Now, I am still in dilemma about this tweet I made today.

I said
"Less is More. It doesn't necessary states that more friends = more happiness. I am glad I have found that portion in my past."

It's horrible, right?
But I really am exhausted at times..
like during secondary school, i didnt feel that it was that friendship was important.
I will just go "whatever la" and "hi - bye" *smile*
But slowly, I began to realise how important my girlfriends are to me.

I love u guys, seriously.
secondary mates ; sam and grace.
I cant lose both of you.

my lil family;
lao ma vanessa teo, lao po shimin and baby chloe.
i realised, they cared.. they still do!

--------

sigh, how uh..
I really wanna go back secondary school again.
I miss those 'sui bian la' days.

bleah, no need think about
friends ganging up to bully u
backstabbers with malicious intentions
shit loads.

anw, I still do treasure u guys as friends.
even though there are rough times.
we will see whether do we take the challenge up for being friends?
or maybe just become a memory in each other.

maybe now, just give me time to get used to it.
i need that time.

---- Also, BGR is a horrible thing --
it tears u from the inside.
I will never forget you, but I will just need another to think about.

bye guys, i still love you guys.

P.S ; thanks grace.
for calling me. it mattered alot.

silence

2010-07-26T13:52:00.002+08:00

"Silence sounds like a good idea right now"

Maybe it would be best not to know.
maybe it would be better if the word and happiness didnt hang around me.
i feel terribly upset.

I am not stating I am angry.
but it would really help if everything was quieter.
because i know thats what I would do.
I just hope it was done for me.

please, dont mention to me about this.
I feel really horrible.
I didnt know why you had to do this.
Its just really upsetting.
it looks like it was done on purpose.

Just keep quiet, for the respect of my feelings.

Life

2010-07-20T01:02:00.004+08:00

Read the lyrics, its really well...
Understandable?
I like the lyrics alot.

Liking a guy who doesnt have feelings for you.
So sad, right?
What's worse, I have told that person so much about myself.
So silly of me to do that.

Thai songs are good, I like Ten Mic Idol.
Their vocals are one of the soothing ones.
Boys arent good news.
I seriously, should stop myself from getting affected.

It takes time, certainly.
Ohwell.. Just sharing.

P.S UT 2 IS OVER.
which means UT3 is coming.
dread it. -.-

ohwell,ciaos.

Boy, you're the whole package

psst, im so into bella and jacob fanfics now!
thank u taylor lautner, hot as i dont know what..
mega love!~

edit-

ok,someone totally sprang this qn on me just now.
yea gal, u know who u are. lol.
u stalker! but i love u for reading and caring!~

So me and (lets call her rachel) were talking just now.
About guys, cos she STALKED my blog.
lol, eh.. I didnt know u read blogs lor!
tsk!

Once i posted up this post, she talked to me about it.
So, we talked till this part; where she asked..
'Will you date a poor guy?'
I was like *stunned*

Me; ehh. why u ask qn like this sia?
politically right answer or truthful answer?
Rach; either.
Me; *pauses* - at that point, i thought like suuuper hard-
Rach; aiya. I tell u my opinion first. Maybe can influence u. :P
Me; uhh, ok. *nods* -still thinking-

Rach; Yes, I will. Cos I like him alot.
Me; uwah, thats a politically right answer leh!
Rach; No leh. Cos I love _____ alot ma!

I was pretty much scratching my head.
So easy to choose meh?
Then she started explaining that;
because loving him means encompassing his everything.
Good or Bad, just take! (lol)

Well, I am still pretty stunned la.
I dont know what to say.
rach, u change alot leh!
but no, my love remains the same. I mean for u.
LOL

so now, lemme ask myself.
but im sleepy.
maybe the answer will be given next time? :D
-avoid avoid-

hello number 500

2010-07-15T00:35:00.002+08:00

Pretty right? I love blue skies!
It just brightens my mood whenever I see the combination of,
fluffy clouds and blue skies. (took this on the way home)

Goshgosh, I haven't been blogging.
I am so sorry.
Really, my life is dramatic right now.
Fights with friends and friends that aren't really my friends.
But overall, even though it's filled with nonsensical drama.
My life is pretty bland.
Bland is the word.
lol.

Ok, so surprise surprise.
I've found out that I have a wrong impression of a close friend.
Well, he's actually really studios.
that surprised me a lil.

next; 3 ut modules are over.
left with my theory module.
heh.

ok, ut sucks.
i cant study, believe i will do worse. ):
there goes my drastic gpa.
i suck at everything.
congrats, found myself a new name. Loser.

ok, well lets skip to the happy stuff.
so woke up at 9.30; studied a lil for UT.
texted amanda that i would be late and asked her to head to school first.
took my time, walked to the bus stop.
boarded a single deck 161.

i sat opposite this bulky guy from our school.
never seen him before and went into my world.
then, got a call from amanda..
which surprisingly is in the same bus as me.
haha.

dozed off like a log and reached interchange.
when getting down the bus, i saw his name sewn onto his shirt.
and well, his name got printed on my brains.
Only just..
I told myself to recall whats his name, and went to check facebook.
ok, im a stalker!

but cute guys are stalkable. lol!

and ahhh!!
found that we have mutual friends.
and our mutual friends is my close friend!~~
machiam so good. :D
lol, wrong use of machiam.. i guess?

major like!

ok, so round up my day.
fyp meeting
ut
ut over
heartland mall kovan with amanda
accompanied amanda to buy bible for her sis.

went home for dinner
an awesome dinner.
(mum cooked herbal chicken; ehh. shiok ttm!~)
watched wipeout, almost peed.
so damn lol-worthy!
use laptop, send advisor my summary.
stalk ppl on facebook.
haha
gg to sleep soon.

but a few notessss;
1)i just knew amanda's church was beside selegie soyabean!~ :D
we have been so close, yet i dont know her!! omggg.
2) ruth,eileen,yy and i were talking abt our secondary school photos.
lol
had sooo much fun with them!!
3)i have another eyecandy! such a wonderful distraction near home mega like!
4) there are glue sniffers popping near my area. -.-
5) i very tired, and i think my ut all cui
6) need to get a sport to destress!! volleyball? :D
7)i wanna go back dancing!~ i miss miss miss
8)where to get hiphop clothing uh?
9)im gg off to sleep
10) i love my friends. heh

2010-07-02T00:34:00.002+08:00

"Maybe this will be the last time that I'll cry for you."

I am still trying to come in terms with the psychological loss.
Do you know how it feels when suddenly..
You realise that the time you spend with that special person is decreasing.
And the signs comes out.
Maybe I am reading too much into this.

Sigh, I wonder what is wrong with me.
At times, I am crazily attracted to you.
But at some point, I get cold at you. I ignore you.
Sometimes, I am a complete fool infront of you.
Whereas, at times I want your attention.
Sometimes, i wish the spotlight wasnt on you.
Sometimes I wish you would go away.
But sometimes, I want you there; so i could see you.
Sometimes, i want you to say something.
But sometimes, I want you to say something substantial.
Sometimes I wish I was not crazy over you.
Sometimes I wonder, why did I even like you.
You are no where close from what i like.
(Ok, maybe somewhere there too.)

Sometimes, I wish you were more like the person i thought you were.
But sometimes, seeing you being like that; is pretty cute.
blah.

What am I actually saying?
Ohyes, sometimes..
I wonder what the hell am i actually doing.
-.-

Also, i have been sprouting the fucks,ducks,chickens from my mouth.
Bad bad habit.
CUT IT OUT.
Why am i even acting like this?
So i can get attention.
total fail.
ok, eunice..
JUST BE YOURSELF LA.

I totally suspect I have split personalities disorder.

Ok, I need to finish VSM, pass it up.
Then enjoy the weekends.
Ohno, forgotten about UT 2.
SHIT, study study study.
Not scoring well.
shit sia.
Work harder!

P.S
I hope one day I wake up, and wish you didnt step into my heart.

Hush

2010-06-30T23:22:00.003+08:00

" I just wanted to tell you; I miss you."

Ok, FYP sucks. ):
We are completely put in ' fast-forward' mode now.
Yes, you guys want ALOT from us.

bleah.
Ok, I need to work harder though.
and i am still always wishing; ~~an earthquake will bring bodynits down.~~
lol.

stressed.
I havent finish my 2 other VSM.
I AM DEAD.

Ok, beside that..
I am feeling sad about something;
yadayada, i am always sad abt something.

Its just that I was really close with my cousin when i was younger.
Ok, when she was younger too.
So now, she's in secondary school
I feel sad, because there are gaps between us.

We can no longer hang out together,
have sleepovers and chat till the dawn.
Or we also couldnt go shopping for pretty letters.

I treasure bonds alot.
Especially, when you mean alot to me.
Well, in her case.
She means a portion of my heart;
a big portion.

So, I feel sad when we meet..
And we dont have anything to say! ):
Sometimes, i really wonder..
Maybe everyone is all grown up.

I am just the one, whose unwilling to break from the shell.

I dont know what to do.
What can I do now?
Inter-personal relationships are so confusing.
You just need alot of communication.
Sigh, I am such an idiot and a sucker in this.

Fail.
I wonder where's my reset button. ):

FOX HOLE

2010-06-29T21:35:00.003+08:00

"Sometimes, some things are better left unsaid and left unknown."

Seriously, am I really making so many people worried?
People have been coming forth; asking on how am I.
I am perfectly, really fine!

Maybe I should stop tweeting; lol!
Ok, I wont! I am such a big blabbermouth.
I cant stop talking or expressing myself.
But maybe I need a private twitter.

Cos sometimes, i don't want the attention.
I just needed a place to vent everything and anything.
(Thats what a private blog is for.)

Bleah.

Okay, so a quick recap of what happened.

FYP meeting ; not a blast.
But we managed to get out advisor stressed up.
His ears were red and his veins were popping.
We were just stating the facts.
10 hours in office = waste time.

So, we talked ~~argued~~ , and well.
At a point of time, I wanted to cuss.
Not at facci, but the bloody problem.

Ohwell, my temper is haywired.
I am pms-ing, i guess.
sheesh.

After FYP, took bus to compass.
slept like a log, i was so tired. ):
I always get stressed when it comes to FYP.

Had dinner with fam at the restaraunt; betted for tonight's match.
hoho.
i cant watch, cos..
1) comp spoiled
2) tml need wake up ass early.

So, now...
I am going to close all my internet thingy.
And do my summary, rj and whatever need to be done.
K, thanks, bye! (:

P.S.P.S ; I need to fcuking buck up!
Cannot score another bloody grade.
Where has your brains gone to, dumbass.

- I ALMOST FORGOT to post something -

Reasons why most people say “Nothing” when asked “What’s wrong?”

They don’t feel like explaining because they’re afraid you won’t understand.
It’ll make them feel worse if they do because the subject is just being brought up again.
They don’t know what’s wrong.
Privacy / Personal space
Afraid of being judged.
They don’t want anyone worrying about them.
Tired of hearing the lie that “It’ll be alright.”
its obviously about you.
They just don’t want to talk about it

by ; juvenilejunkies

Yea, totally. (:

Tears

2010-06-29T14:29:00.005+08:00

I dont have e link of whr this pic came from, sorry!

"Sometimes, you appear in my dreams."

Laaaawl.
I really have to agree to this picture.
You always come into my mind whenever I listen to songs when I am on the way home.
Sometimes, i tend to think so much.
That I forgo the chance to have a nap in the bus.

Well, I am learning to let go.
It hurts, but its ok.
I am ok, really.
Ok, not really.
haha.

A friend texted me last night.
"No matter how much you cross your fingers or toss coins.
Whats yours would be yours, if you cant get it.
You wont get it."

I know where that phrase came from; Tumblr!
I am touched that she actually did that.
Thanks babe; really. (:
Sometimes, I really need a tug to pull me from this depth.

Naww, its ok.
I am thinking about it lesser now.
I have friends who are struggling too.
Let's fight this through,shall we?

And its funny; the more you crave for that relationship.
You wont get it.
Well, a spoilt kid like me..
Who gets what she wants since young.
This is very much another lesson to learn from.

And eh, I think I am going to create a playlist.
And put all chinese songs into it.
No, i am not a huge fan of chinese songs.
Just that, i got intro-ed into it.

And major spam or maybe boycott that playlist.
Hahah.
Ok laaaa, I am going back to KPOP soon.

At least I am much familiar to that;
"I know the hell I cant get you, but I will still support you."
"I can go crazy over you without people saying that i am nuts."
Ya, KPOP guys.. Been there, done that.
Not new.
ahahaha. (:

talk less, think less, hurt less.
so much better.

Grace yeoooo!
i cant wait to meet you and have super long talks.
well, and maybe cry infront of you.
Whenever I think back to secondary school, you are always the one i run to.
Your school uniform, always got my tears. LOL

I wanna escape into another place.. for now

Updates on school; class - 3 teams.
So boring.
Tried dried ban mian; I keep burping.
SO MALU! ):
And when having lunched,
I choke on the food and turned into a strawberry colour.
So malu ttm.

And FYP meeting at 4.30
NOT LOOKIG FORWARD TO IT.
Tml, FYP meeting.
SHIT AGAIN.

ah, fml fml fml fml! ):
sucks.

-updates-

I saw this from ruth blog.
She reblogged from a tumblr.

I love it.

"I’m sorry I constantly want to talk to you. I’m sorry when you take long to reply I get sad. I’m sorry if I love hearing your voice. I’m sorry that I love getting missed calls and waking up to texts from you. I’m sorry if I can come off clingy, but it’s just me missing you."

-judychau

Naiseeee,right?!
Super naise, i like it. (:

And eileen sent me this link; a really pretty braccelet.

Indiesin

Click 'Indiesin' to see it! (:

Sigh, prettttttty.
Ohyes, cant help feeling guilty again.
I want to say, but i cant say. Sorry! ):
But well, some of them knew whats going on.
Sorry guys, REALLY! ):

KACHINGZ

2010-06-29T00:07:00.006+08:00

"his old jacket, her old heart."

I am getting emo; again.
I am shaking this feeling off now.
So, I shall start doing something i love and do best at.
Write.

-Beating hearts, broken.-

Her eyes glanced at the boy to her right.
She was new here, the awkward turtle stage creeped into her.
No, she was alright.
She knew some people here, wait..
There's a few friendly face.
She told herself to breathe, she did.
Inhale she goes, and exhale she went.

Her heart suddenly broke into a sprint as someone barged through the door.
What a fright did that person gave her.
But wow, what a person.
She looked at that new boy who hurriedly took a seat,
another new awkward turtle.

But didnt she expect.
he was her awkward turtle.

------

They peered into each other eyes; his breath stroking her lips.
She was so sure, this was a dream.
It didnt feel real, but it doesnt matter now.
He was there.
His eyes curved into inverse moon, and planted a kiss at her forehead.
He murmured his heart was beating for another reason.
It was her.

She wasn't unaware, she knew he loved her.
She wasn't sure before, but now..
She was, and she heard his steady heart beating to each breath.
Her heart trembled and the butterflies came alive again.
Her stomach fluttered.
She didnt remember this to happen.
They said this was chemistry, wasn't it?

No words could explain how her body reacted to this.
She felt as if she left her body to an angel.
The feelings muted at one go, and unleashed at another.
These feelings were secondary when he pressed his lips against hers.

---------

In the midst of the morning, she opened her eyes.
Her heart was still beating fast, but where was she.
And ah, she realised.
It was a dream.
A dream, so sweet that as if honey replaced the blood pumping through her veins.
Suddenly, the overwhelming feeling rushed into her body.
No, this time.
No him, it was her alone.
In her room, hugging her legs tightly to her body.
She rocked back and fourth.
There was no love to receive those overwhelming emotions.
Only those unexplainable tears.

------------

RAWR.
Ok, Ignore the upper part.
I get into a system overload when i get upset.
yesyes, I really think I need a psychiatrist.

And whats funny, it was just that little thing that sparked this system overload.
Naw, I am not going to say it.
Its just that.. LITTLE THING!
Heh.

Ok, I am currently contemplating privating my blog.
Lol, but friends are going to complain.
but hell, who reads my blog.
Especially its so long-winded!

And, I dont know.
I have sorted through my memories these few days.
I recalled what happened last time.
I shall just be straight.
Anyway, he wouldnt be reading this too.

Well, there's this very nice friend of mine.
A friend whom I terribly thankful to.
Someone, I believed is very hurt from how I act.

Actually, we were like buddies. Really close buddies.
I am so thankful to him because I was special to him.
He even said that he enjoyed reading post that my best friends rarely read.
As I mentioned above, its TOO long.

He said, he understood from my point of view.
He would always give me a smile whenever we meet or see each other.
Honestly, he's probably one of the guy that I have ever webcam with at wee morning.

To me, he's such a caring older brother to me.
The guy who treated me with respect and always encouraging me.
Note; he behaves like a gentleman.

But after a small incident, or maybe..
I became too rude, or neglected some people.
I stopped contacting him.
How rude can I be?
He was such a nice person! ):

Now, remembering what happened.
I DETEST MYSELF for actually allowing this thing to happen.
I really hate it.
I lost a special friend.

I am so sad.
*sits at the corner & draw circle*

EMO LAAAAAA.
WAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

Silence sounds so good now.

2010-06-28T16:24:00.004+08:00

I have never been very close with boys.
Unless, we have common friends or common topics.
If not, I wouldnt hang out or talk to them.

I am always the 'awkward turtle' when I am with boys.
Sure, i have guy friends.
But not much.

The guys normally I can talk to, are soft spoken ones.
Or those who are as loud as me.
Or crappish people.
And no offense, but I communicate better with malay guys.
Like it feels that they do not judge,
so it feels very comfortable for me to talk to them.

I usually have the thoughts that I may have the pheromones that attracts girls to me.
Like pretty girls, so I am usually friends with cute and pretty girls.
But mostly to those who are really nice in the inside.
(LOL, i watch too much anime. Hahah..)

But sometimes, I really secretly wished;
That I was those types of girls who can talk to boys without;
Feeling or looking awkward.

I do have ALOT of friends who are like this.
They are really close to boys.
Their best friends are well; boys.
haha.

I have once imagined if I was like that..
Then I would be dead.
Hahah, cos I am a very sensitive person.
Not forgetting, emotional.
I tend to fall for people who are nice to me.
Like, if you helped me or something.
I will like you.
LOL.
(I am totally exposed right here!!)

So, if thats the case..
My friendships wont last.
Wouldn't it?

Thats why sometimes, it really bugs me.
As I remembered what my secondary school english teacher said (Ms Jasmine Lee),
Guys & Girls rarely have PLATONIC friendships.
Its pretty much like rubbish.
Girls and guys come together.
Or maybe guys?

For one reason, just to date.
Hahah. Its true.
Based on my past experience and what I see from the friends around me
; this is pretty much true.
Once they realize they cant date you, they just fly off.

Maybe not ALL boys.
But most cases happens like this.
Isn't it.

-Sigh-
i hope this wasnt counted as an emo post.
Cos I said I want to lessen those posts.
haha.
Been having the tumblr-ing sessions.
Love the pics.

Anyway, Monday is well.. the day where you have the blues.
I am having them. Bleah.
And how I wish; I was more truthful to the people who cares for me.

but sometimes, i just dont want to say.
Because, there is a risk.
Even though good friends we may be, but..
Secrets tends to get slipped out.
So, I will keep this mum..
Among the circle.

Sorry guys. ):
I will tell you guys 1 day.
I would! But not now..

So lessons were boring as usual.
Facci, another new one.
but better than previous week, lol!
I just didnt have the mood.
I just kept tumblring.
I know i am procrastinating.
Cant help it.
(SUCH AN EXCUSE)

Saw him today, but...
What really happened?
I just pretend.
Bullshit la.

Pssh, nonsense only.
Cos I am getting jealous over nothing.
They were just chatting, so?!!!!
wtf, I believe im the 'possesive' type.
lol.

Just now in bus, was showing the pictures from tumblr to amanda.
She likes it too!
There is a quite a few pics we agreed on.
lol,
Like the one I posted in top.

"Friends we may be. But can we dont be friends?"
Cos I think I love you.

P.S even though we had a long talk.
The longest one ever!!
Like compared to our other conversation.
Yesterday night, so far..
Was the longest!

But sadly, sometimes..
my heart just goes to a 'force close'
I dont know, in my eyes..
You are just so almighty.
You are a tree that wont be uprooted,
no matter how strong the winds were.
But we are all humans, arent we?
*sigh*

Even Amanda thinks that because 我得不到你;
that's why i crave so much for you.
I am scared, once I have gotten what I want.
I will just throw you away.
And break you once again.
You look strong, but inside..
Lays a porcelain heart.

Maybe for the benefit of me and you,
I have to make sure I really really will treat with you care.
And not have any issues with how you look, how you talk or how you act.
Its silly of me to think like this.
but i dont want to hurt another person.

Sigh, but for now.
I just know..
I am craving for you really badly.

I like you, you silly doofus.
I like how you care about how I feel.
or how am I feeling.

Even though I know it might just be a lie. (:

Brushing past

2010-06-27T02:37:00.004+08:00

I have realised, I am very unhealthy.
Especially the state of my mind.
After reading through my friend's blogs, I have realised.
How I pale in comparison to them.
Especially with my recent emo postings.
Argh, even reading my post makes me feel horrible.
I will try to cut down on those!

So, here comes the updates.
On Thursday night, I had a nice surprise from a best friend of mine.
(Actually, more of a friday morning.)

Grace called me!
I didnt know she called me though,
till I went to my room to take something.
And I saw, a missed call!

Apparently, I get worried if a best friend calls me late at night.
As, she doesnt do that at all.
Ok, who in the right mind will call someone in wee morning.
Unless something happened, right?
So I immediately called her back; (it was around 1am+)

And; guess what..?
What she did was endearing!
She asked what happened to me,
as her (neglected) twitter was filled with emo-ness from me.
And we talked for around 15minutes plus.

That 15minutes ; was precious..

I thank her, because she called as she was worried about me.
I was really touched.
Thanks gal, thank u!
I love u alotttt! ok?~!
Like what you said, i am just a few missed calls away. :P

But beside her, there are many people who were concerned about me.
Especially with my shaky psychological state.
My friends from my class were heartwarming, as usual.
My friends from other classes too.
Even friends whom I didnt meet; comforted me.

Thank you!!

So, that was friday wee morning.
As for the rest of the day, at 8am.
Singapore once again had lots of rain.
I heard the rain pelting on my windows, so I decided to snooze my alarm.
And go back to sleep.

Weird, I woke up at 10:45 because I needed to pee.
And the sky lightened,but there was still rain.
So, I washed up and changed my clothes.
because eileen texted me. heee.
So i went for school.

reached school at 12 plus.
did some work, had ban mian for lunch.
and ohyea! eileen..
I owe u money!
I realised I was broke when I opened my wallet.
really, I am broke.
not even a coin!
Spendthrift.

Had lunch, and well..
Presentation for 3 teams were pretty fast.
JB helped me to tell facci, that i did work and etc.
Thanks dude!

After 6P,go through UT answers.
Sighh, I hope I dont get another D!
PLEASE! NO!

Then end of lesson..
Talked to friends on MSN.
Suddenly, my hand started itching.
Draw on the board and I thought of an idea.
Play HANGMAN!

My favourite game. hahah!
And the class, I mean (remaining) classmates;
were pretty enthusiastic! haha.
I really had so much fun!
thanks guys. (:

Lol, I kinda remembered the scores.
CK - 2
Yenfi - 2
Wan - 1
Amanda - 1
Eileen - 1

I think thats all? hahah.
Ok, actually..
During the game I screwed up.
gave wrong descript for 'Prodigy'.. LOL

Haaa, had so much fun.
Thanks to amanda too.
she stayed back. (:

So, walked to interchange with the usual gang.
And we were talking; me and amanda were.
I said about nate and etc.
Cos I admitted, I told another person.
because i needed someone who can see whats going on..
And tell me what to do.
*sigh*

Then ziheng and amanda said; it was a wrong move.
because, I will just make it harder for me to forget.
BLEAH!

But so far; the responses I have gotten are pretty wide ranged;
- Dont give up, fight for it.
- Forget him, he maybe playing arounf
- Forget him unless u are really serious abt it.
- Dont give up, unless hes taken.

Sigh, how?!
You tell me how??!!
Now I have to make a decision amoung these choices.
Woah, hugeee man.

I need time. *sigh*

Ok, off with emo stuff.
Let me update u on saturday! Today.
Went to JB with my family.
I love family days.
I am a super family oriented girl, alright?!

Before heading to JB, went to compass point.
Buy toto and world cup matches.
And I saw the water bottle I like gg for $11~~ WAAA.
I like! (Y)

So, today was the first time I went JB.
Went to the causeway link, drive there..
Went to a market place for lunch; super yummeh!
The crayfish there is , like 2 or 3 times bigger than Singapore's.
yet so much cheaper.
Singapore; NO QC!!

After that, headed to a plaza.
Cant remember the name, went shopping!
hahah.
But the prices of the things in JB is almost the same as Singapore.
Sometimes, much more expensive.
not worth.

But bought a lil something.
Gotten myself fake nails, makeup and a hair clip!
Plus, I bought discs! :D
Gossip Girls, ahah!

Well, then had dinner at the Jap restaurant.
HORRIBLE FOOD; I tell you.
Damn gross.
After that, go home..

So now I am here blogging, and I have found out that;
the command of my english language has dropped drastically.
I am not speaking properly english.
Let alone type it.
Urgh, time to cut down on nonsense!

Another few points I want to make!

- Facebook sucks; keep having weird problems.
Such as telling me people commented on my status.
And when I check, all the comments are gone!
(Even previous comments from others!)

-Tumblr is an awesome and cheap therapist!
Love the quotes and pictures.

-I have a USB internet thingy from SIngtel.
Love it to bitssss.

- I thought of you alot, but I covered u with other stuff.
Sigh, I miss you. But its alright. :D
I am ok!

- I am dead tired, nights!

I will still like u! (I DONT KNOW!)

Expect less

2010-06-24T10:13:00.005+08:00

" Black is beauty "

I have always thought I was special to you.
Because you are special to me.
I have told my girlfriends about you.

They said, I am infatuated about you.
Whenever your name comes up, my heart leaps.
As if you are near me.

But, today.. All this changed.
Remember the day you asked me?
Why was I sad.
It was because of you.
I brushed it off, saying that I was under the weather.

And I caught you looking at me.
Suddenly, from that point.
I fell again, I fell into the thoughts that you cared.
That I was special to you.
The way you talked to me.
I became dependent on you.

You became the decision of my moods.

But again, I over-assumed.
I assumed you were talking to me.
I was thinking; this time round I could have someone special.
But I have thought too highly of myself.

I keep giving myself more hope.
Keep telling myself, the signs were clear.
Maybe I have already lost, when I thought there was a start.

How do I pick myself up right now?
How do I face you?
When I the harder I try, the sadder I am.

-Now, I just wish that we have never crossed path.-
I would see you so often, but no matter how much I try to avoid you.
The higher the chances that I will see you.

Do I have to be thankful that this isnt blow out of proportion?
Thank goodness, not many people know who you really are.
I dont need too many people to know who you are.
Because it would be harder for me to get over.

Goodbye, to the boy I liked so much.
Hello, to the friend whom I love so much.

"Expect lesser, so when something is given. You would be happy with it."

I didnt follow.
I expected too much.
So I am disappointed.

"This has never started, It was only me.."

I sat there alone, thinking about the smallest things.
And I cried.
I need to let go.

P.S ; I thought of this song.. All of a sudden..
“會痛的石頭- 箫敬腾”

Actually, these few weeks..
After knowing he likes chinese songs , i have been spamming chinese songs.
so weird.

p.s.p.s; gal, u asked me..
is sebastian and nate the same person.
yes, they are the same.
2 different name because of a reason.
*actually its a private joke, lol.

Ohwell, it doesnt matter anymore.
It doesnt.

Let go.

2010-06-23T10:23:00.004+08:00

*PALM-SLAP*

"It's Wednesday, and Hoooo; SCREW BODYNITS."

I am late for office again. AS USUAL.
Anyway, I need to start being punctual for class now.
My grades sucks badly.

Damn, everything is in chaos.
For Bodynits, VSM to be submitted in a week.
Si liao Si liao.
UT grades sucks too.
2 D+ ; wa! BEST.
How to go Uni?
Private uni also cannot make it.

How? Now already week 8 of Sem 1.
I dont have much time to buck up.
And the bad thing, is that QC is going to be in the hands of some new guy.
How?!
Good teacher = i score badly.
Bad teacher = can jump down.

Siao.
So, I was suggesting to Amanda.
Need to study with her frequently, and i told her about his grades.
So, she was like ; "You go study with him la!"
Wow, funny.

I am always jumpy when he is around,
Its impossible for me to study with him.
I go into a spasm mode when he is near.
I cant be myself, its that bad!

Bleah, I really hope time slow down.
Because i dont know what am I even doing.
I need to sort everything in order and make it right.
Just like in lean process.
Hwaiting, eunice.
Jiayou.

I was pretty messed up yesterday night.
Was procrastinating because I did not know how to do my RJ.
And my internet is even more messed up.
_|_
Shiok, right?!

I was also wanting to talk to him.
but I didnt want to be a nuisance with the signing in and out.
bloody annoying.
So, I decided to appear offline.
sad ttm.

whats even more sad, i know he's talking to other girls.
ok la, im super possesive! I admit!
Oh well, I just 'sian off' when he talks to other girls.
Its not good, so unhealthy for me.

Anyway, I am really glad.
I have talked to siyun today, and well..
The atmosphere was good, it wasnt hostile.
I really like that feeling.
Probably, I have stopped being mean.
- PROBABLY ONLY, OK?! -

I cannot promise my horrible mouth wont say anything.
But I really kinda like her, better than previously.

So, I had a great day today! (:
I have talked to siyun and I managed to get approval
or acknowledgment from michael and serene.
phew..
I am sooo happy when we left the company.
- glows -

So, brought ammy to buy pancakes.
durian pancakes, and dinner.
So, I just finished dinner and bathed.
Now i am chatting online.
But my internet keeps crashing.
it sucks so badly.
bleahh!

Its worse than Bodynits internet!
My house internet really stinks.
And well, daddy changed the plan to Singtel.
Bro said the speed would be slower.
*cries*

Sian, now..
I again dc-ed from the net.
How awesome.
I cant talk to people in peace without interrupting their chats.
With that status thing.
So horrible.
Starhub, can go fuck urself!

Anyway, I am happy when I talk to him.
But I am no longer as ecstatic as I was previously.
Now, my heart leaps a little when he talks to me online.
Its always a nice surprise to see his chat window there.
I likeeee.

Ok, for the next few para..
You can skip, cos it would be a bit gross to handle.
What I want to say is, I keep thinking..
What will happen if we really get together.
I think of the things we could do.
haha.

But sadly, when I think about it.
I dont want it to happen.
but when I get bored, I will want it to happen.
So horrible. T---T

I like you, but I may just kill you once again.
haaaa.

Ok la, I see whether can I log into MSN or not.
if not, I go sleep! :D
byessss. (;

TUESDAY

2010-06-22T14:26:00.004+08:00

"Whenever I look away, I think of you.."
(i took this from tumblr; i will remove it if u want to.)

I am really sleepy. *sigh*
and FYP at bodynits again; so bloody boring.
class is slow today.
so slow.

and I am late as usual, i dont know why my eyes (contact lens)
is getting so blurry since the morning.
hate being handicapped with this contact lens.

And guess what; laptop got dead pixels..
My charger is close to being spoilt.
Why?
Cos it makes the popping sound when I tug at it.
Siao alr.

Later what if a fire breaks out?
(TOUCHWOOD).
CHOI CHOI CHOI!

Today is warehousing; so sian.
bleah.
EFF WHYY PEE = FML.
sian man.
Really, if wanna bomb.
Please bomb Bodynits.
Damn sian.

Ohwell, hope wednesday can be over with.
FASTERR.
Cant wait for friday.
grace's performance. heee.

Ahh, can i remove wednesday from my life?
it really sucks.
anyhoo, my leader keep forgetting the paper.
shit la, u want me to fail is it?!
):

ZZZZ, anyway.
Siyun has officially dropped the 'cold-war' bomb.
Sureeee, you wanna post that on Facebook?
Yea, I was feeling a little guilty before I read you post.
Bleah, I did treasure you too.
Wanted to be nice, TOO BADDDD.
12 years of friendship was just a quantity.
No quality in the friendship at all.
I was stupid enough to get happy of that sum.

And my facci say he smell smoke, lol!
cos the fire alarm ring just now.
-.-
And my classmates are laughing at him.
Poor facci.

I cant smell anything, because my nose is dripping.
so sian.
I am still a little sick.
Dripping nose.
*yawn*

Signing off.
P.S ; i miss u & ur such a cutie. (;

- UPDATES-
LAWL; I really cant stop but to type his name over and over again.
Its such a bad habit!
Terrible!

Anyway, I dare say..
When people get comfortable, they really will tell you anything and say anything.
tsk!
Hello, I know you regard me as a close friend but..
there are actually limits to my patience and nice-ness!
I can accept ur teasing, oh come on!
I am not NEW to teasings alright?
So, I would really prefer you to shut up.
And stop trying to get close to me.

I told you, I have my limits.
I want us to be FRIENDS only
Not close friends.
Get it straight, dude!

Anyway, I was lol-ing at some pictures.
Really cute ones! Gosh.
Ok,yes.. Him...
Hahah! I know, i am totally INFATUATED with this guy.
Bleah, its madness.

Even though UKISS came, I didnt go loco.
He was more important than UKISS!
Its crazy, but I kinda like it.

But there is a problem..
The sad problem is, I dont know why am I reacting in such a way at times.
I act as if he's not important, when he is! ):
I know, it hurts him.
Like in an ego way.
But when I think he's important, he runs away.
Hellooo?!
Am I fishing or what?

People did say that you can 'fish' a wealthy guy and etc,
but I didnt know love became fishing!
urggh, so confused.

Alright, need to do RJ.
BYE!

p.s p.s; girlfriend said that 'A' was trying to 'fish' more information from me.
O rly? -sigh-
So she kinda suspects uhh. *SIGH*

I always think

2010-06-17T13:15:00.004+08:00

"You whispered. But I hear nothing.."

The class is freezing.
Bleah.
I started class on Thursday.
Cos I have been on MC.
Sucks to be me.

These few days have been very hazy for me.
Coughing, blowing my nose, eat medicine, sleep.
That's like a routine for me.
I think it was that indian girl who sneezed at my face in Compass point.
If not, I wouldnt be sick.
(Lol, I am super certain.)

On one point, I think tuesday..
I woke up to see 96 msg. Mostly all tweets from MobiTweet.
It was crazy. haha.
I was super uncomfortable, because my throat swell from the inflammation.
And I cant sleep for nuts sake, my nose keeps getting blocked.
sucks to be me, lol..
I wont say FML. It isnt so bad. :D
I am positive, ok?

But when i think about the assessment on Friday (tml)
I really go FML FML FML x 1000.
haha, its crazy. ):
And Bodynits, ahh.. FML too, about them.
DISLIKE ttm.

Anyway, since I am back in class..
And well,suay suay in project management.
Urghh, got the myanmmar dude.
No, I dont hate him.
Just a lil irritated.

So, I am going to work hard?
Uhh, I was late for class.
So pretty much, this facci hates it.
LOL, he didnt see me early for 2 weeks.
whatever.
I prefer designing rather PM.
Suckssss.

Sigh, bad thingy is that.
He's not in school too.
It suckssssss, so badly.
Come back in a jiffy, alright?
I am already missing you.
And whats funny, I just smile like some idiot on the mention of your name,
Be it notification or what, but I just go crazy over you.

But sadly, after talking to sam.
I kept questioning myself.
Is my 'face' more important than liking you?
I dont know, maybe you are just a crush that doesnt go away.
Maybe till another 'target' comes into view.
But depends; cos I think..
What I am seeing is only you.
For now? Maybe..

Not only my heart is missing you.
I am grieving to the possible loss of a friendship.
Because, I feel like the distance between me & amanda is really growing.
Even with me in school, the bad thing is..
I didnt even want to find her now.
Maybe its because i know she would be with siyun.
Well, because after psycho-ing myself to 'like' siyun.

Erm, still a little bit difficult.
I couldnt help but to go 'awwww shit, i really dislike her'.
Thats why sometimes, I am very nice to her or I dont talk to her at all.
Hahah, a hugeeeee variation.

When I am nice to her;
- is when i find that she is nice
- is when I try very very hard to be friendly, so we wont be awkward
- when i dont see her and her boyfriend hugging.

When I dont talk;
- i am too tired to play nice.
- i am sick or im bored
- or im trying very hard not to scold her.

--------------------------------------------

Sigh, my nose is RUNNING! T_________T

was it what I said?

2010-06-15T00:10:00.001+08:00

you didn't listen.

yea,I like you.
now I'm wondering why the fuck I do.
I like u when ur serious.
not acting like a kid nor a parrot.
gosh..
please someone throw me a guy who loves me and have the capability to make me love him too.

I have told my Mon about it.
and well,another realistic question.
How well do you know him?
not a bit.

really.
enough..

Friendship & Petal of the sakura

2010-06-14T16:56:00.002+08:00

"I can see our bonds thinning.."

No, this isnt a story. lol!
But well, I think maybe getting sick has made me got a little bolder.
Also, the fact of the people in this issue do not read my blog.

I guess, well..
from my previous post, i kinda have some problems with siyun.
yesyes, no.
We didnt clarify the problem.
Well, my FYP team mates said that its best not to.
I have already came clean with her on my blog.
So it does not matter anymore, right?

I do not really bother with how she looks at me.
It does not matter.
And if i mentioned in my past previous posts.
You may know, the group consisted of 3.
Siyun, Amanda & Me.

Pretty much, after siyun dated hafiz.
Amanda & I were close.
I thought we were.
Hahah, I always tend to assume my friendship is stable.

But well, and the sad truth is.
We aren't.
I can say that she's a really really good friend of mine.
But not to the extent, where we became bffs.
Naw, bffs do not exist anymore.
It's such a 'superficial' term.

I have awesome best friends.
No, I dont dare to put bffs.
Because, I know forever is kinda unrealistic now.
So, yea.. It sucks.
But nonetheless, I love my friends.

Back to the topic, of me and amanda.
Maybe, we are just making use of each other when we are alone.
Or maybe, me, eunice cheung is going into another phase..
The jealousy phase.. maybe..
will explain why, later..

Why making use of each other..?
Amanda had siyun previously, and well..
Listening to how they talk, they are very close.
And sadly, all my buds are not in RP!
They are out in other schools or having attachment,
So, I sticked with them.
So, after siyun and hafiz got on.

I was always with amanda.
I am happy she;s there, cos I have company.
And well, maybe I was a company to her as well.
When i needed advice, she was there too.
So it was really cool.
But well, recently..
Air cleared between them.

I wont say that I am utterly pleased.
(I am a person who's pretty much territorial of my friends, HAAA.
Bet you didnt know that..)
Cos I get miffed when my friends are 'stolen' from me.
But yeaa, siyun needs her fair share of buddies too.
Since everything is all about hafiz.
And she doesnt have gfs.

lol, im really bitchy at times.
like, when she's with hafiz.
Amanda and I would talk animatedly about them.
I know, I am horrible.
But I cant help it.
I was trying the "want this? then leave hafiz for a moment to join us." tactic.
Didnt work, I guess.
It backfired.

So now, amanda is close with siyun.
And well, I must be a little less selfish.
Cos, afterall she and siyun were pretty much close during year 2.
I shall not be jealous and mean.

Ok, why the title..
It because, I just felt jealous and I find that we were just using each other..
I dont need a full time best friend, but I just want you when I need you.
wtf am i even saying.

and as for nate..
Boy, i like you alot.
and i have kinda suspected whose your ex-girlfriend.
i was wrong for the 1st guess, hope I am wrong for the 2nd too.
but well, she fits ur criteria..
i think.

And ahhh,I read up a quote..
"Dont say I have changed. All I did was to find myself"

Well, everytime I will go..
"Ohh, you changed. and i find that we dont match as friends.."
But now, I cant say that.
Cos, well..
You are once my closest friend.
But now, you are another.
I love you still.
I have to admit, not as much when we were kids.
But sometimes I wonder..
Is it because of me?

Maybe everything started because of me.
I cant handle stuff properly.
I really need someone to guide me.
And I wonder where is that person..

GOSH..
my life is really fucked up by my own hands.
I really want to make everything right now.
Be as hardworking as Amanda..
Be as strong mentally, like you..
I just want to grow up and be more sensible.
Maybe the heavens have already gave up on me.
The fail blog eunice.. ):
OHSHITTT, it sucks..

You are my pretty boy

2010-06-07T23:13:00.003+08:00

YOOO!

Ok, so recently..

I have started a fic. LOL!

And its pretty much; yea..

About Nate!

Amanda read it today, so i recieved pretty crazy comments.

She said I was mad.

No, i am not.

I have been like that since secondary school.

Writing fics is my hobby.

And well, since I have been madly thinking about him..

I started a fic.

Cos I kinda know, once I start writing what I want in the fic.

I dont crave for it anymore!

Yes, I am not craving for it sooo badly now.

Actually, its funny to say.

I always have this mindset.

'Once written, it never happens. Because it's fiction.'

And why am i posting now?

Because suddenly, im not shivering with excitement when im talking to him.

Maybe my crush is over.

lol, fast eh..?

I am not a flirt, cos we have never started!~

Maybe i am saying this right now, but i may be another in the next.

haha, maybe?

Alright, time to get back to business.

Really need to pia for fyp alr.

*sigh*JIAYOU! :D

i dont wanna lose nor score badly..

The first step

2010-06-06T00:25:00.004+08:00

"I could hear your beating heart.."

Currently at Grace's house; overnight

Using her VAIO to blog. So difficult, totally not used to the keyboard.

So,YEAAAA, finally saw my besties. ):

Met grace at AMK Hub and was late for an hour.

Sorry darling!~

Treated her KOI as a 'pu chang'

(I havent paid her for dinner yet,though. :/)

So, we had dinner t MOS.

Took 25 to her house.

Went to her house to place my bag, before we headed to her grandma's house.

Sat there watching some crime show.

Then there came the Magnum Gold Advert, and she said she wanted it.

So we left her grandma house, and went to Cheers.

Sadly, cheers didnt have Magnum Gold.

So we took Cornetto.

Cornetto, you suck.

Walls, its time to remove Cornetto.

It taste awful.

Bad quality..

Wonder how did such bad QA lead to such a huge corporation?

So,after taking HUGE bites out of the $2.40 ice cream.

Both of us threw it away.

And we went to the senior corner to use their facilities.

Grace took the running, I took the rowing.

After fooling around, we sat down to talk.

Talking to her, makes me feel really really good.

I feel very comforted.

Then, we remembered Sam!

(called her when we were in AMK.)

SHe was on the way home,and tadaa..

There was John..

Fetching her back..

(When is it ever my turn to have this experience. -.-)

So Grace suggested a small talk for 3 of us.

And we went up to Sam's crib.

Sam and stick man, super cute.

They did the goodbye thing.

And awww, they look really sweet together.

Be happy, both of u.

Be very happy.

Grace and Raymond too!

Be happy together. :D

So, we talked about where Grace could study at.

And yea, both of them having their MST.

Sadded.

Discuss, and sam showed us something.

Really sweet of her BF.

(SIGHHHH, getting emo)

*I totally feel, I dont use my brain to think at all.

Stupid.

I always talk without thinking.

Damnit.

Idiot.

Well, when we met up.

Grace kept pushing..

So I said Hi and etc.

Yeahyeah, Nate.. haha.

We talked abit, and she pushed further.

She asked me to text him,since my phone was dying.

Bad phone! But you created an opportunity!~

So texted him, and urghh.

Sigh, I just dont think I am going anywhere.

Maybe I have been too 'available'.

Yea, make urself, 'unavailable' sweety.

I need to. ):

I seriously sucks at 'playing games' with boys.

Sam said; you know anything about him?

Uhh, Not sure.

No, I dont.

Yea, hurrah!

I LOSE! ):L

Big L for meh.

Ohwell, see how it goes la.

Just remember, I cannot confess.

I cannot.

So malu.

Anyway, it sucks to be in RP.

Cos our vacation dates are totally messed up.

Other polys start their holidays 2 weeks later.

SHIT MAN.

I HATE YOU,friggin RP.

But I love how I can study in school that way.

So,please.. AMEND your dates. :/

Or NEVER amend it.

Since I am leaving school in a year or less.

You, make me part with my friends.

I DONT LIKE. ):

I wanna see my gfs...!!

Hang out with them or something.

Screw u, fyp.

*I think i got kissed by a mosquito.

So itchy. ):

Aww shucks, I miss you ttm. :/

And Bro is coming back!

Yea, no more empty house.

I want MORE holidayssss.

Sucks to be back in school.

Esp, QC is going to be a biatch.

Hooo, and FYP assessment.

Ahh, shit shit shit.

Not good.

I dont like.

SUCKS MAN!

Urgh,whatever.

I am going to sign off.

Yea, I miss u; ALOT!

EDITS

Just finished studying MST with grace.

went through the notes with her..

after gg through all the notes, she played the piano.

(no worries, her piano got headphones, so i used the headphones.)

she played 'shuo zai jian' by jay chou and yiruma river flows in you, and another song.

so beautiful.

asked her teach me wedding dress.

ruth wanna listen. haha.

sigh, hw i wish i know how to play piano.

has been/and i am thinking of getting a keyboard.

good or no good?

my house no place to put piano. ):

sad!

jiayou jiayou!

gg to use toilet then sleep.

need wakeup early.

"i hope your ears were itching, cos i miss u"

Losing Grip

2010-06-04T11:56:00.003+08:00

I seriously need to get a grip on myself.
I feel myself slipping away.

Its FYP,yet I feel that I am not doing my all
sigh, I really need to focus on my FYP.
I know I am worried, but I am not doing anything
Why so? I am not sure too.

All I am concerned is to talk to you.
I dont see you, I go insane.
When i see you, I get insane too.
Everything is you,you,you.

I dont know what to do right now.
I miss you so easily.
Now I really need to focus on FYP.
im distracted so easily!! ):

CANNOT!!
FYP FYP FYP
My HOD too busy, to teach me.
sigh.

"I pray for you, whereever you are and whatever you are doing. I will always miss & love you."

Youur happiness is as beautiful as the skies that are overlooking us.

Let me hear you shiver.

2010-06-03T01:17:00.002+08:00

My mood is back to a pendulum swing.
So easily swayed from being happy to becoming sad.
Small comments from friends or family can tick me off.
I know this is really unreasonable.
But I just dont know why am i so susceptible to all these things.

Even your sudden login can be a huge blow to me.
If I see you away, I just get fidgety and upset.
This is a terrible addiction.
I really want to revert back when i thought you were just a snobby guy.
My first impression for you was like;gone.
Didnt know why did I have a change of my mind in this.

Its funny; when I think about giving up, disliking you , distancing myself away from you.
You would ALWAYS be the first to surprise me.
But whenever I think of you, it just doesnt click.
You dont talk to me & you go offline.
It's so frustrating.

If I would to illustrate this, it would be ..

When i am hoping you would talk to me;
2 'North' repelling away from each other.

When i am trying to get away from you;
'North & South' attracts.

Why cant it be simpler?
Like when I chase you, just stop.
Turn around and talk to me.
Not when I am about to quit, you pull me back in.
Hello?!

长痛不如短痛,
If wanna give up.
We give up together.
I dont want to give up half way,and then you come over talk to me.
It's like bringing a donut to a girl who is on diet!
You're such an asshole.

People are telling me, "Wait..Wait.."
I am already guessing whats going on.
I am jumping into conclusions.
So I would be hurt one hellagoodtime.
And I wont turn back again.

You said it, if the old doesnt go, the new doesnt come.
Just hope the 'new' comes FAST!
So i can ignore the 'old'.
Pleasepleaseplease.
be it some new kpop group or something.

Off and away with thinking of having a boyfriend.
I will just keep dashing my hopes.
lol.
I kept thinking; "Maybe this, Maybe that.."
I didnt know there was the 'other side'.

it was always only me.
thinking this, thinking that..
Hoping this,hoping that.
you know, i have always wanted to certain things with my boyfriend.
like buy him clothes or anything.
And whenever I pass shops with awesome shirts or polo tees.
I will think of you.

I keep telling myself..
"Hey, he would look nice in this.."
At certain random times, I will think of you.
What are you doing? Are u at school with ur mate?
When I see your mates, I will exclaim to my girlfriend..
"Hey Hey hey, he might be in school too!"

Then it goes in repeat mode.
Like when I was in secondary school.
Stalk,stalk stalk..
Exclaim with my friends..
"This is his table & etc.."

But now, i am running to only the place u and ur mates hang out at.
Looking, hoping, pretending.
Then when I go back empty handed, I pretend everything is alright.
And start chiding myself..
"stupid, stupid stupid.."

I told mummy, my friends about u.
All mummy said was "Dont get hurt.."
I understand, but love is sweet and bitter.
So, im willing to suffer.

But well, hahah..
单恋 always seems to be my best friend.
From liking Kevin, then you..
When I am not serious, everyone treats me like I am serious about this.
When i am serious, it just doesn't happen. -.-

And, 单恋 is never sweet.
You will never expect what will come next.
Your friend liking the boy you like.
It sucks.
Especially, when you didnt mention to her whose that guy.
Then she likes the guy too.
Now, I cant blame anyone.
I can only blame myself.
Because I couldnt trust her to tell her whose the guy.
And she wouldnt have like him.

Can we no longer be friends?
The more I see you, the more upset I get.
The more you interact with her.. the cuts gets deeper.
I am afraid.. everyone will know whats going on.
I wont let you know anything.
I cannot.

But if you and her were to get together..
I would need someone to cry on.
Dont ask me qustions, why was I crying.
Please, dont tease me anymore.

If that day ever comes..
I would cry my eyeballs out first.
Then munch on Ben & Jerrys.
And forget you.

---- Sorry people.. this is getting abit off-hand.----
Really need my bros around.. ):
KEITH! where are you bro?!!
*sighs*
* I dont want any misunderstandings, I treat keith as an awesome friend, no more!!*

Anyway, Siyun.
Dont know you know my blog or not.
But I really want you to know.

I would not apologise for the things I have done.
Except, some really nasty remarks.
I have told you once that you changed into another person after you got into a relationship.

You really did.
Sorry to say this..
But it makes me really uncomfortable and to the point of really wanting to barf.
You talk like a princess, dress weirdly and I dont see you inside you anymore.
Not that 'OK!' giggly siyun. Not that friend of mine who have lunch with me.
The girl who eats slowly and walk home together with us.

Honestly, you are an awesome friend during Year 2 Sem 1.
You were so DARN awesome.
Remembering whats going on, and I could hear sincerity
and truth in your voice when you talked to us.
I was even happy that your friends were jealous because we hung out too much.

You were you. Such an awesome friend.
But what happened?
Did you store that part of you, when you started dating?
You talk as if you were talking to a group of dying people.
So lifeless and too gentle.
It disturbs me so much!
Because my opinion of you.
The chatty girl, not the reserve and the one who talks too softly.

I understand, dating blinds you
You only see Hafiz. I can understand.
Afterall, its honeymoon period!
Or maybe you just love him so much.
But do, occasionally throw Hafiz away.
Let him join the guys.
Then allow yourself to join us.

Remember Cedele?
We said we were going TOGETHER.
Gosh, how nice.
Amanda & I went together.

Sometimes, I ignore you.
Because I am too disturb and I dont see Siyun anymore.
I see another girl.
Some girl I would not make friends with, because I know she's too pre-occupied.
Also, the problem is you and Hafiz interacts TOO much.

Really, its abit gross.
Not only, I am unattached right now.
So in facts, it does make people whom are single sad!
Not only that, you touch him too much.

It gets very icky.
when u stroke him or whatsoever.
Some flirting is perfectly all right.
Not 24/7.
Especially not in front of us. Whom are your friends.
Its difficult to look away.
As there is no other thing to look away to!
You are stroking, giggling.
Urgh, PDA too much!!!

Your PDA (what I have been seeing) is MUCH gross..
Then me watching a couple making out for straight 2 minutes.
rather watch the couples make out, because I know they will stop.
And I would never have to look at it ever again!

That day at attachment.
It was a joke and also a notice.
To tell you that, "erm.. you're not alone, but you're with a room full of talking rubbish boys and crazy girls."
If you are pissed, just tell me.
Said "My leg pain leh!" and just get a lil away from each other.

Its call being considerate.
My mummy always tell me..
"If you date, and wanna do anything. Always think of whats going on. People are always looking at you. Must remember, girls need to have an image. What if you're parents catch you doing it? Imagine how they feel? Also, what if your aunty/uncle see? What will they think of you?
Must always respect others. Cos not everyone likes seeing touchy couples."

If really wanna touch, can give a slight peck or a bear hug. (Not stroking!).
If u really need to do something else, do it when you are ALONE!!
Even though we are young (open-minded) but its gross watching people touching and kissing each other.

Ok?

If its needed, I would really trade the time you hang out with me.
Just not to see you touch each other.
But well, someone told me.
You can never change the person's character.
because you;re doing it for Hafiz.
You're his baby and gongzhu.
Totally understand.
Just minimize when you are with us~

As for me, I will try to shut my mouth.
If I dont verbalize, I would really wanna puke.
I would control, because I know I can get very nasty.

It's alright if you dont wanna be my friend.
But, as a team mate and an ex-classmate.
I really hope, that you can help minimize everything.

But from the start, I have never opposed to you and hafiz.
or else, i would have stopped indefinitely.
You guys; happy also good.
We cant do much.
But it's uncomfortable to ignore further.

I dont hate you.
I just dont know why u are acting like this.
Anyway, sorry about the nasty facebook posts.

OFF AND AWAY

2010-05-30T15:37:00.003+08:00

"Take that, Bitch!"

Holidays are here.
and screw my holidays with FYP.
why in the world am i supposed to be attached to Bodynits?
really, i dont appreciate being in there.
do nothing.
watch people walk around.
sleep in staircase.
hello? what u freaking want me to do?!!
that is so BORING.
cant i just go school fror a few hours.
and pop back home?

why am i asked to go atw to expo.
wtffff.
FML; totally.

never mind, screw u fyp.
fuck u to the deepest pits of hell.
and my advisor; is not helping.
other team advisor damn chiong (ok; he is a fucking chionger)
u just be nice and do nothing. *CLAPS*

urgh.
well.. im in a new semester. (YEAR3SEM1)
meet familiar people, new people.
some people, really damn irritating.
and pain in the ass.
some are nice; actually most are.

my grades are f-up.
want get A; equivalent must chop head.
damn diff.

UT is alright.
friends are alright.
I just dont know are we still as close or what.
but nvm.

and me; yea.
always BOY problems.
but never mind again.
am resisting to see his fb page .
MENTAL RESISTANCE.

and yea, my life.
my hols are gone.
im gonna skip fyp
hellyeah.

simplest number.

2010-04-03T11:21:00.001+08:00

sometimes,I just envy how simple the love given to others can be seen in a varies of ways through the eyes whom is loved.

but in another way,exaggerated love are not always seem si simple. its so complicated that you are always left trying to figure out.
Wheter does this 'love' have anything implied.
"Am I loved because people want something from me?"

Sometimes,I just dont understand.

FYP = FML

2010-04-03T11:15:00.001+08:00

Haaate it! ):
so fuck up..
don't like Fyp ..

stupid..
have to wake up then reach there.
Walao,fuuuuck la

):

so bloody far..

mama's boy

2010-03-27T21:04:00.001+08:00

Like what the fuck, seriously..
In this Asian society,they always say never to wash ur dirty laundry in public.

But sometimes,I've gotta say I wish at times like this.. I wish I was like xiaxue.
Say everything out and fuck care what others think about me.
But sadly,I was bred to abide to rules and conform to boundaries.

So,I will just blog in my own way. Crying about the horrible stuff I meet.

So to adhere to my title. I always have problem with mama's boys. (You don't hear about 'Mama Girls' right?)
I know you love your mum,boys..

But you ae not your mum's puppy. Following your mother's order

what I was thinking a few nights ago..

2010-03-24T19:17:00.001+08:00

Can't sleep,don't know why.

Therefore,I make a list of my friends. And state how and what they meant to me.

No jealousy inducing purpose intended!!

Each of u hold an important place,even if I didn't mention it!!
I will,from now on still want to know u girls further!~

^^ Shall start now, hee..

Grace; the first best friend I had in secondary school.
Did a lot if things with her. Learnt from her，had lots of fun with her.

*What she means to me: she's like an older sibling.. she makes me feel at peace when she's around. Also,she calms me down. Even if I don't talk to her , I don't feel weird! (: that's why she hold a special place in my heart!

Samantha; a lovely friend I have met after meeting Grace. One of my best bud too. A really fun person to be with. She's a loyal friend;helps u when u need her.

*What she means to me; She's like an orange. Filled with zest. Very bright and sour. Hard and sour on the outside, but sweet and sour inside. Depending in situations.
Need some cheering up? She's always there. A person who can make u smile . P.s; she's also like a playmate to me.

Jazreel; met her in poly year 1 sem 1..
Very sweet and nice person.
She has the ang moh feeling about her. Esp when she talks. Like potatoe. Hee.
She don't seem like one who gets angry easily. She's very cool and relaxed. Nice personality.

*What she means to me: she's like a mother. A very caring person to start with. She listens and rarely judge u. She talks demurely and present herself very coolly..
A good listener. Someone who listens well

Shandy; I can use the word joy and fiesty to describe her. Small size but exploding with energy and joy. She's really pretty and sweet. She thinks fast,an adult in a child's body. Has tons of advice. A sweetheart. Someone who walked with me at the toughest time. Someone who I can bitch with. The big sister who I look up to.

*What she means to me; an advisor. Someone who I look up to and adore. She is a bff material. Think about sex in the city type of bff. Someone I spazz about boys with. Q shopping partner. An awesome sweetie..

Yenxi; met her through jaz. A real body , gag spazzer. We can go crazy and have tons of selca at random places. We spazz tgt, listen to random stuff and talk about random stuff!

*What she mean to me: spazzer friend and someone who u wanna throw a party with. She can think up a lot of things .

Wanna have long long friendships with them..
I treasure them a lot!!

Ok,its 4am. Goodnight.
Sia la,take 40 minutes to write this.
Nights,will continue with more..
On the good friends list!

P.S very 心痛 for ny brother.
Poor fella,he study till 3am just now.
Actually,just completing and revising his homework. Sia la,so hardworking. Heartpain.

5PM are all buttholes

2010-03-05T03:28:00.003+08:00

"Should have known"

Utterly disappointing.
I should have known that..
I am glad that Jay is out..
Because the horrible 2PM group is not a place for him.
AOM; protect and heal this baby.

AOM; ur awesome.

Now, i really hope..
Khun will take care.
I cant bear this..
My heart hurts so badly..
To see khun getting ignored.
Baby, I really wish you can get out of this.

It's a deathtrap.
I was tricked.
I am hurt.
I really think im foolish to support the 5boys.

Gross shit.
Hate them.

Khun & Jay.
Be awesome.
be very awesome.
Soar higher!!

Taec is such a fucker.
Wooyoung is fucking bitch
Chansung, shut ur fucking trap.
Junho ; fuck off asshole.
Dont u hurt Khun!
Or else im gonna do voodo on u guys.
Junsu; whatever.

Rants

2010-02-23T00:25:00.005+08:00

miffy euniced

HELLO?!
like what the banana milk is going on?!!!
its mean to make use of banana milk to replace a bad bad word.

i know its a bad habit to rant where your unhappy.
Esp on the blogs my friends read..
but!!
i really need to spill these bad things out.

I cant believe im turning 19 soon on the 25th!~
yay!!
ok, im slight happier right now.
haha.

my brother kinda comforted me a lil.

but waiiiit!
its time for u to watch what u do, missy/mister.
*does KARA's 'Mister' dance*

Oops.
hehehe.
anyway, nothing defers me from getting snappy.
i've been snapped at once for pissin people off.
but ohwell.
Apparently, we didnt have any fate to be friends.
whatever.
tsssssk.

So,I am it again!
But let me say clearly.
I dont care what are you going to portray me as to your friends.
Because apparently, you have no longer treated me like one.
I admit, I feel sad and its a waste.
But to hell with it.

I always try to be nice.
Ok, I am not very nice all the time.
I am not your pretentious BFF.
But I do have BBF.
big bitch fit.

- what the hell am i talking?! -
tsk.
loco me.
-_-

Anyway, I love Da Endorphine's 'Dai Yin Mai'
Hell, i love this song.
Ohya, its not korean.
It's thai.
lol!

but hey, its hella nice.
im in love with the singer's voice

Ok, lemme intro a phone im tempted to get.
even though its specs doesnt meet my requirements. ):

but hell,cute right?
its previous sibling LOLLIPOP.
Yes, the one BB and 2Ne1 endorsed in 2009.
it is OUT in Singapore.
as expected, the specs is disappointing. ):

Sigh, i guess I require Sony Ericsson better.
haha.
Camera function and etc.
Love yeahhh.

And I think I cant remeber about my rants.
tatas!~ :D

(that dont mean i am NOT angry!)

Invisible..

2010-02-06T00:34:00.003+08:00

"I really need a heartwarming hug and some soothing words.."

I am feeling terrible.
Emotional repercussions, I mean..

My presence is getting dimmed each time I appear.
Soon, I will become invisible in people's eyes.
I am thankful to my family for being able to 'see' me.

Sometimes, I dont feel I am there at all.
I just want to find a space alone and sit there.
If I dont need to talk.
I wont..

So, it wont be so uncomfortable.
Not for you or me.

I am being judged.
Everyone apparently has their score book ready in their hands.
Ready to strike off marks when I make a fool of myself.

I dont care what outside think of me.
But I just feel so scared and timid that I am judged over and over again.
I am going to disappear.

Another obstacle..
Another fearful time..

오빠를 사랑해

2010-02-02T01:07:00.003+08:00

"Oh, oh, oh, 오빠를 사랑해 Ah, ah, ah, ah, 많이 많이 해!~ ♥"

♥JJANG, isn't it.
Definitely loving SNSD's new hit; Oh!
TAEBUUUU!~

Taeyeon looks amazing!~
keke, our Jelly.
Just went to register for a Soshified account.
I love them, awesome!

And SHINee, haah.
Dont talk about it.
Spent $30 for a maxi cab ride..
Nothing seen.
Sad,isn't it?
Also, I hurt my knees.
I have a horrible bruise on my kneecaps now.
Pssh!

Bleah, compared to others.
They dont ecven spend a cent.
They got to see Minho, TaeMin & Key.
Minho ever waved, shit right?
Injustice or just NO fate.
lol.

I hope I can send them off at the airport.
*Prays*
Hope my FYP thing dont clash!
Pleaseeee!!

Well, if SHINee is coming..
I am going to buy the tix.
Whatever, i wanna see them! (:

Love these boys to miss out on them.
Next time, really book maxi with loads of people!!
Cheaper. keke.

Ohwell, gotta sleep.
Anyway, today was the last lesson for Facilities Planning
*tears*
So sad!

Tomorrow, Manufacturing's last lesson too.
So on and so forth..
Ok, I am sleepy and am awaiting for Hello Baby S2. Ep3!~ :D
Also, MBLAQ Idol Army subbed!~

lol, but exams. T_T
nevermind, after exams!!

PS; i heard Yoogeun came here with SHINee to Singapore.
To film Hello baby!~
I wonder is this true??

:D

OHKAY!
GOODNIGHTS, lovelies!~!
And, today was the start of SHINee's perf!~
Wonder what did they sing.. ♥

destructive.

2010-01-29T10:59:00.003+08:00

DYNAMITE; explode

ohshit, seriously.
Like even though I may have a horrible temper at times.
Yes, I admit.
I can be a big bitch and screw people around.

But I would always try to hold my tongue on my friends.
Like I wont flare up with my friend unless im pissed.
Pissed definition : fucking angry.

I will also try to avoid using sensitive words.
But sometime they just piss me off.
Like with stupid stuff..
So, I still can get a lil snappy and mean.
lol.

So..
after beating around the bush..
I shall reveal.
I am here; because i want to RANT!

Ok, so...
What ticks me off..
You ask me to choose the thing I deem fit.

Now, I am getting a rather simple complain.
You dont like it when I give it to u.
-_-

Urgh.
I am feeling mad.
And i guess its around the month soon.
damnit. ):

RINGDINGDONG

2010-01-28T23:23:00.004+08:00

SPASMS

i know i know i know..
FT Island came today,rights??
and shit, i didnt go..

But; to my surprise..
Van's friend went.
But apparently FT went by the backdoor.
Boohoo.

That stinks. ):

But fret not!
Tomorrow is..
SHINee!~

RING DING DONG YO!

Honestly, I am just so HAPPY to see korean stars in Singapore.
Previously, when I was in Sec 2..
I always lament why Singapore is so deprived of KPOP.

Well, at that time..
I was going crazy for Super Junior.
Yes, to those girls who like them AFTER the hit SORRY SORRY.
MUAHAHAH!
u lose! xD

Because I was crazy over them when 'U' came out.
Then I loved them.
Bought EVERYTHING about them.
(which is DAMN limited and expensive)

But now, you see.
Comic connection is EXPLODING with cheap korean stuff.
laminated cards and etc.
-_-

Not that I complain,
but when I was still in Sec school.
That was a gift from heaven
haha!~

I still think back..
People like Mingyan,Samantha,Amanda;
we were the hardcore korean lovers.
Mingyan = DONG BANG
Sam, Amanda, Me = Super Junior.

I guess,we were also the people among us to appreciate korean pop.
I got introduced to FT through Amanda.
When they sang LoveSick..
haha.

-seriously, if i keep going on..
This will go wayyy over-

But to summarize everything;
I miss the old times.
haha!~

Ok, so!!
Let me continue..
I am going to get
Ring Ding Dingy...
tomorrow..

Yes, I am going.
With Vaneh and Chelsea!
Woooo!!

OK!
READY SET GO!

Goodnight!~ :D

Oh!~ Oh!~

2010-01-27T23:59:00.002+08:00

Never Tired Of Waiting

Ohmygod.
It's 2010 and hell!
This blog was pretty unkempt till now.
lol.

Shandy kinda notified me that this blog was dead.
So I ought to give some updates.
Nahh, im just tad too lazy to do this.
^^;

Ohwell, many things happened..
As in the transit from 2009 to 2010.
This is just.. 미쳤어 (crazy)..

Will update soon enough.
Met up with my GFs today.
Yes, you got it right if you said;
Samantha the fishy head
&
Grace the Carrot.

lol. Oops.
I cant think of anything.
And im going haywired.

Yesyes. SHINee is coming to Singapore.
And im in a dilemma of whether to stalk them or not.
keke.

LOVE & RESPECT,y'all!~ ♥

- u can never have enough friends.
but u will never have a lot of best friends.
because they're are rare like gems. -

Sweet Vacation

2009-12-04T02:36:00.002+08:00

"Someone needed.."

I have school tomorrow, and I am here blogging. :/
Ohwell, just wanna encourage myself lol. :D

5 - 6 days to holidays mania!~

And shandy, good luck to your PP presentation.
Not forgetting Vanessa teo, GOOD LUCK! :D

Ok Taecyeon; I likey this boy!
(no link, I know..)
Ok, I am so anticipating the trip to Thailand!
RAWWWR!

And I am kinda sad that some friends are really distancing away.
why does it always have to be the number 3 for me?
TT--TT

starstrucked.

2009-11-30T22:58:00.002+08:00

"All I need is a short friend with a megawatt smile to make my day."

Girls,will always be girls.
Girlfriends, will always be girlfriends.

Met my bestie; Shandy to walk to the interchange.
We haven't met in a while since like the previous, previous holiday.

So, before meeting her.
Class on monday + OPII = horrible
Ok, if you ever include slackers and weird facci.
I do not know which adjective will suit my Monday.

So, my day started pretty well.
wasnt really VERY late.
9plus. :D

Class looks a lil bit teeny weeny difficult.
But went for break anyway.
kinda pissed siyun off at break. :/
sorry siyun!

Went back class, do worksheet.
No one cares, but I do lo.
So I did it..

Next was PPT.
Didnt know how to do.
Went to disturb Vanessa teo. :D
She taught me todays problem!
v.teo, wo ai si ni le!

------------------------

Also, chit chat a lil with yimei and sam.
lol
havent talk to sam for a long time.

Ohya; sam ah.
Study Hard!~~

Yi mei, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :DD

-----------------------------------

And now, they still.. bo chup..
But thank god, one member tried helping.
^^

So, after rushing PPT.
assigned slides.
yet!!
I kept recieving the sighs and pitiful look.

I out in hard work, so dont give me that attitude when u did not lift a finger!

Class ended for me, but I have to wait for shan.
So, went walk walk with siyun to collect her laptop.
her laptop is gorgeous. T--T
(dont get jealous, eunice! u got a new laptop!!)

So went back class and packed my bag.
Headed down to W1 with amanda, siyun and hafiz.
Waited for shan, then walked to the interchange.

So while walking, we talked about class and stuff.
So many things were stored up during those time we didnt meet.
T--T

So we headed to CWP, and now..
I told her whats going on with my life and stuff.
After she transferred her funds, we went to snack at Mac.

Thank goodness there got Mac cafe.
So I bought a caramel frappe, while she got a fudge brownie.
We shared the drink and brownie while talking.

Told her some stuffs. (lol, inside story..)
Then she told be about New Moon.
Spoilers lor!
she went to watch it TWICE!
hmphs!

Then we both spazzed about Taylor lautner,
and shandy ahh.
You look damn cute sia, when u squeal.
Like a kid!

We just kept squealing and crapping about Edward.
Edward, looks HORRID.
WHITE body and hairy..
Taylor = chocolate (keke...)

She told me she wanted to watch Avatar.
The movie looks really cool.
Blue and stuff.
I like!~

Also, she told me prawn kept stealing her veggies.
Not real veggies.
But veggie from a FB application.
She said she wanted to steal his tonight, but!!

---BUSTED--

Shandy's veggie got stolen again.
LOL,but she got coffee beans?
(she say very valuable..)

I am just super greatful for shandy to be here!
I am not licking ur boots, but I am very honoured to find u!~

Such a small person who actually has such a fiesty character.
Yet,she understand and feels for me.
Also, we seem to be on the same frequency.
So its pretty cool. :D

Thanks shan for today.
And yes, ur still a perv in my eyes!

forgotten...

2009-11-29T00:39:00.003+08:00

"Turn back and look at me, cos u aren't the same anymore."

Was reminded by Siyun that my blog was well;
unkempt and forgotten.

forgive me, my life has been busy for the previous month.
and Twitter kinda became my best friend. :D
I didnt even have time to hang out on Facebook.
Sometimes, I am too busy to even think of FB-ing.

So, why was I so busy?
First, my personal profiling report..
That was tough, I had to keep focusing. T--T

Next, my personal profiling poster.
Had to make a poster and print it out.
Apparently, my poster isn't really pretty.
Plain and white.
*roll eyes*

Third, poster printing.
Hunted the streets of Bencoolen,
and we found Sunshine Plaza.
Quite cheap.. :D
2 A1 = $20.

Fourth, my UTs!
Crap, sometimes...
Studying for test arent as easy as you think.
So, I had to cram super hard.

Fifth, Poster presentation.
I had to prepare the notes and well.
It was judgement day on the Saturday (21st Nov)
I was super freaked out.
Kept stuttering, but yay..
I passed!~

Mingyan wished for my success too.
Am grateful to her. (:

-- That is why, I was so super busy... --
November was a busy month for me.
T--T

Anyway, many good things happened and bad things too.
But as usual, my brain capacity tends to leave me blank of my information.
So, I will try as hard as I can to fill you guys up!~ (:

So, ~~new~~ class ain't so bad now.
Especially with siyun around and new awesome team mates.
(:

I esp, love Thursday class.
There's yongsoon, haopeng,ruth and xixi.
Great bunch to work with.
What's even better?
A facilitator who gives good grades. (:

Ruth and Haopeng are always squibbling.
That's why it never gets boring.
We always talk alot, mostly about Haopeng.
(hahah...)

We always tease him but thankfully he's quite a carefree person,
so he doesn't take it to heart.
I wish all SNSD lover's are like that.
Yes, Haopeng is a YoonA fan from Girls Generation.

Likewise, my brother has fell for the charms of long-legged beauties, of SNSD.
hehe, who says kpop is stupid now?
nehh!~

Monday's class, well..
designing, I like that.
I think I like beautifying my surroundings.
That's why I like to do designs. :D
But, I only like to do it with AutoCAD.
Simplest, yet the best program!

Tuesday class; JAD's class.
JAD is my previous sem facci.
So nothing much to talk about..

Friday... is the WORST class
That facci, is long-winded as an old recorder can be.
Always talks about Russian Theories. -_-
(his lessons are shifted to Mondays, CRAP!)
But his grades aren't that bad.
Thats what I am relieved of..

So, these were about the faccilitators.
My classmates; are so-so..
Quite an ok bunch of people.
Except those, who DO NOT do their work and think they know everything.

Ohya, to angmoh lovers.
There's a russian guy in class.
Not very hot, but still worth looking.
Afterall, he's the only blonde in class.
(dont like his attitude though.)

------------------------

Special happenings;

1.
Met a HORRIBLE bus driver;very rude.. D:
I think it was a month ago.
He yelled at a malaysian girl, who couldnt pay her fares.
No need to yell, idiot!

2.
Had dinner with a complete stranger.
But she became my company for that evening.
Was having dinner at MOS, after getting notified that mum wasnt cooking.
Had problems fending for a seat and ordering my food,
without getting worried that my bag and laptop get stolen.

So I asked a lady to help me look after my stuff.
Well, some people wanted my table.
So the lady offered to share tables with me.
Had a good conversation with her.
Really nice lady, to share her experiences to me.
She was once in SP, studying IT.

thanks to her, i didnt have a lonely dinner. (:

3.
Went to watch 2012 with siyun.
My friend of 12 years. (:
Both of us kept crying in the cinema.
lol.
A great movie, well deserved to watch!

4.
Went to SITEX with Siyun and Amanda.
And guess what, I was EARLY..!~
ehehe!!
SITEX wasnt as bad as yesterday.
(I went there with my parents to find my brother..)
Bought 2 8GB memory stick pro duo. :D
For my trip to Thailand, so I wont miss 2PM so much.

5.
Yes, I am going Thailand!~
On the afternoon of Christmas; hehehe!~~
Will be back, I think on the 30th. (:

6.
No, I am not yet over 2PM.
2PM released their new album.
Stated 01:59pm. (i believe u know what is it..)
Awesome songs in the album.
Love 'Tired of Waiting' & 'Heartbeat'.
Currently, learning the dance steps of 'Heartbeat'.
And polishing the dance for AAA. :D

7.
I went for the FLASHMOB!~
Time stop flashmob in Orchard.
Met many good HOTTEST!~
Esp, the dongsaengs!!
Ika, Farah, & Dayang..
Also, not forgetting the unnies!~
(i seriously, feel like MYSELF when I am with them.)
I dont need to be worried when I speak korean.
haah!~

8.
MY HDTV is awesome!~!
I kept plugging in my Hard disk to play GOMTV ver. of MVs.
my brother really enjoys the SNSD ones.
lol.
for me, to look at my boys in HD.
is like giving a thirsty guy ice water.
LOL!

9.
I can't find my XBOX cable.
T---T
Thats means I cant play my xbox!
T x T

10.
I find that people around me are changing into different people,
that I no longer recognize and understand.
I thought it wouldn't be that bad.
But now, its horrible.

Its like I no longer knew you,
and it terrifies me to call you a friend.
When I no longer understand you, also when you no longer needed me.

It hurts to know that, you no longer have things to tell me.
Only to call me when you need me.
After these years, I came to realise this.
When others had moved on..

Gosh, also..
Why are you trying to be not urself..
Only to try to fit in with people you dont know?
Crap, you act like you know them.
and now you're changing ur religion over it?
I just dont understand you.

No, I dont want to be friends with you anymore.
It just worries me whether will I explode on you one day,
and cause fatality..
Yet, friends were bonded for a reason.
I am now, currently searching for that.

For every friend I bonded with, how did I managed that?

emo, i know...

Silent and Demanding

2009-10-26T14:38:00.002+08:00

"Hold no strings to steer the horse"

Ok,this is something that i came up with.
When your cooped up in a team full of different types of people.
Which I can split for you.
1)Lazy people
2)The nose in the air ; C

Lazy, well.
The usual 'group' of people.
All they know is bull-shit.

Nose in the air.
Well, they are ALWAYS right.

No wonder this spells trouble.
I have a terrible time today.
Facing man-whores and bitches.

One kept sighing when he didnt do any nuts.
whatthefuck.
im allowed to sigh because i put in effort.
and i screwed myself with a headache now.

Man-whore!

The other helped, not much of a help.
Well, at least when I was half-dead.
Came along and pulled me up.
-i gotta admit ; not much of a help-

Well, the lazy ones.
SCREW them to the depths of hell.
I had enough of that bitch.
Since week1.

I thought she was nice!!!
But she was not.
ohgod.

Well, today.
like any other days.
she left the job hanging.

you have a responsibility!
not me!
Dont keep pushing any shit towards me.
I really hate you to the bloody core.

Well, male partner wasn't any better.
All he do is bull-shit.
Thank you so so much.

I appreciate it when u co-0perate.
but please dont treat this as a game.
u may have skimmed through year 1.
but this time, do ur fucking job.

I will allow a minute to understand.
I gladly take e44m anyday!

But i appreciate the people here.
CERTAIN people.
Like my Thursday group.
Awesome bunch!~~ :D

I love it when HP is around.
*sighs*
Please let me in the same group!
I will work super hard!~ :D

Naww, i dont need to hang out with people who mess up my mood.

I really miss Grace, Samantha, Jayne so much.
Jazreel too.
I miss talking 1 to 1 with her.

Maybe Buddha is putting me through another test.
I will go through the test.

anyway, should I lock this blog up?

hey hey hey!~

2009-10-19T23:34:00.000+08:00

Will blog and update, soon! :D

shake it like that!

2009-10-11T21:10:00.005+08:00

" baby, save me from Superman. "

I am going really mad.
I think i am just purely wasting time.
*sighs*

I don't know, but I just dont feel as happy in this class.
Maybe it's the same for before.
But now, it just makes me so uncomfortable to be in this class.

So many people, I have yet to know.
and horrible ammy is crushing on wonderboy.
tsk!~
(dont worry,i will check whether is he attached or not.)
:D

Also, my tail was stepped by someone I DREAD working with.
gosh, i thought she was NICE!
damnit, seriously.
she just deserve a slap on her face.

I have to face this person for 5 weeks?!
Can u believe it?!
damn damn damn.
(i have to work with her tomorrow.)
-_-

Let me tell you.
I have a sense of foreboding of the facci;
Operations Planning (2).
That @#$%;
zomg.

he nags like nobody BLOODY business sia!
like recorder.
go on and on and on.

WORST facci I have seen ever.
I don't ever wanna see him again!
Even our ECD facci was BETTER than him.
I miss that facci sia, even though he PMSes.

But that was on FRIDAY.
I had better of things on Saturday though.

Met up with my girlfriends!~~
Sam and Grace.
Went to ion, then had lunch at CEDELE.

So first, we went shopping.
Sam got her tights at Topshop.
Grace got her belt at Uniqlo, same for Sam.

After that, we went to Cedele at Wheelock.
But before that, both sam and grace changed into their new stuff.
I waited outside.
(Surprisingly, i bought NOTHING at all!~)

Ordered the same thing; Apple Cinammon pancake with sausages!
Maybe Cedele can get my orders without asking me again.
I am totally ADDICTED to the pancakes!~

Sam and Grace ordered pastas.
The pastas tasted AWESOME!~
:D

My pancakes

Wholegrain chicken pasta

Sam's pasta!~
yummy!~~

After that, we went to mariott Hotel to get Angie's SIM card.
Her friend works as a waitress at Mariott Banquet.
and..
I think I saw a prince there!!~

Lol, ok im exaggerating.
The guy looks cute, he was the realtive of either the bride or bridegroom.
Dress in all white.

Total perfection. (:
He was just lack of a horse and a carriage;
if not, i would have threw him my sneakers at 12am.
and prolly put my number there. xD
let the prince find cinderella.
(Throws up)

haha, sorry about that.
*wipes drool off her mouth*
I am dreaming.

After collecting the card, we walked back to ION.
And I was lamenting on going back to Mariott. D:
Went to the toilet to take some pictures.

After a day's gathering, Sam left for harbourfront to partayyy.
I wish i can go clubbing too!
Whereas I headed for Grace house.

At grace's house, I recieved the best girlfriend session.
had my nails done and eyebrow plucked.
it hurts, but thanks alot girl!~
(:

I really appreciate it as no one ever did it for me.
*hugs grace*
Let alone touch my oily face. haha.

I went home at 10:40pm.
Only to reach at 11plus.
Slept at 4 plus watching

光陰的故事

This show, is AWESOME!~
I really just love Sun Yi Mei.
Her character is adorable to the max.
Not forgetting, Xu Yi Yuan.
Yi mei's boyfriend.
SO darn handsome.

This show robbed me of my tears and laughter.
a worth to watch! :D

Tender Huang (Huang Teng Hao)
who is acting as Xu Yi Yuan.
This guy, is a plus in my 'OMG,i want this boy!' list.
haha. xD
cute and he's a hairdresser.
too bad, he's too thin. D:

Ohwell, pretty boy.
(:

Anyway, I have seen clues that 2PM are leaving for hottest.
You want 7,right?
We will fight for it. (:

2PM = 7 =1

Urgh, I woke at 3 on sunday.
didnt go out at all.
watching the show again.
haha.

byebye!~

WAIT, i forget tos say.
I WANT TO GO BANGKOK'S CHATUCHAK!
yay!!!

KINGKONG!

2009-10-07T01:35:00.004+08:00

" have you seen the short Seattle leader? "

I haven't update for a while.
hurhur.
its because I have been rushing my PP!

and congrats to me.
I had PP accepted within a day;
only with a 3% plagiarism status.
So,im pretty much in glee.

Also, school started for me.
Like any other new days.
Meeting new people really isnt my cup of tea.

I need time to adjust.
But thankfully, I have siyun with me.
A classmate whom I know for almost 12 years.
-so freaking long!-

She's like my elder sister.
yea,she is.
She's 6 days older.
So she's considered as one.

the things she does are what I kinda adore.
-she nags.
- she squabble
- she talks alot. (i talk alot too!~)

Anyhoo, so first day in school was not as bad.
i had someone I know.
And well, my friends were the same level and block as me!

- i even had lunch with them! -

So, this is about my school work.
As for my personal life.

I am certainly feeling much better.
Except, for some coughing.
Am thinking of cutting my hair; bangs!

Tried new facial wash, hopefully it works.
Tried new shampoo.
Bought new clothes and shoes.
I bought heels!~ yay!!

I have been chasing 2ONEDAY through twitter.
Am upgraded/leveled up.
I feel really happy to be leveled up!
thanks to 2OD mods! :D

I feel kinda pissed off at JYP.
Seriously, prove our loyalty towards jay?
And making Junsu and Junho record another version of the song?!
Omg, wtf are u thinking?!

Money is all you can think of.
Where are your ethnics?
Seriously,I hate the adult world.
And that is one of the reason.
Realistic + Materialistic = World!

We all are like that.
Where can we find true people?
Who are not trying to benefit from everything else?
Urgh!?

JYP, u stupid KING KONG GORILLA!
You even said that Jay was your brother!
u clearly arent showing it.

Such contradictions.
TSK!
really hate it when I see this.

I really miss 2PM as a whole.
I kept watching Wild Bunny.. Idol Show..
MuBank.. MuCore..
ARGGH!

But in this industry, there bound to be friends and supporters.
After School unnies did AAA dance.
(Gahee unnie, thank you so much. saranghae!~)

People supported Jay.
And yes, another major contradiction.
Netizens caused the downfall.
Now they are begging him to come back.
Thanks to ur malicious words..
We lost the Leadaja in 2PM..

Urgh,i have so much to say but I cant,
Too damn tired.
All I wanna say to jay oppa.

Msg to Jaebeom Oppa :

Oppa, We will wait and fight for you.
If you see something that you dislike through our support.
Please do come out.
If not, we will still continue to fight for you.
To prove our loyalty

01:59pm; the 6 oppas..
I am terribly sorry.
It is due to the statement JYPE released.
We have to carry on with the boycott.

But remember 2PM = 7 = 1.
If anyone of you would be in this situation.
Hottest will protect you.
Because to us; all of you make up 2PM.
No more, No less. (:

No matter how long, we will wait.
Because of you, hottest have joined hands.
all around the globe.

We will be there.
And dont forget your dongsaengs back there.
in jyp.
waiting for you.

2PM = 7 = 1.

Alrighty, its confirmed.
Im going for the Flash Mob!
And goodnight!
it's 2AM.
(:

RAWR!~

2009-09-27T00:33:00.003+08:00

" so, I can fly with my ears? " the elephant asked.

'I teared up when I imagined Jay crying..'

aww man, I really miss Jay.
I even had a dream about him.
lol.

(i dreamt that we were couples.)
but sad, cos its not real.
and well, he's still not back in 2PM yet.
(he was in 2PM when I dreamnt. :D)

today was as usual.
woke up at 2 plus.
headed out with my mum to see the eastern doc.
Traditional Chinese Medicine.
(i actually trust TCM much more.)

western medicines to me are just something,
to make me hurt less.
(like pain killers.)

they don't exactly cure.
and well, TCM taste bad..
But you know what they say.
'Bitter Medicine = Good Treatment'

So had lunch before our visit to the doc.
went over to the Shop n Save.
mummy and aunty went to buy something,
so I looked at the new Tae Kwan Do centre opened there.
-had thoughts of joining, but I cant fight for nuts sake.-

So went to see doc, took medicine.
And bloody hell, the printer guy..
Who had a shop beside the doctor..
Dusted his printer stuff in our direction.
Even though we walked away, he still continued.
Only grinning when he was in his shop again.
PHUCK right?!

Went home, use comp.
And tadaaa, I am so going for the
SGHOTTEST flashmob! :D
Its around Oct 9 or Oct 16/23.

Dad had to leave for a party at his friend's house.
So we had dinner at compass point.
Subway!~~

After dinner, bro and I headed to Popular.
Bought my BTT 300 qns and ans booklet.

Mummy said 91' are the last batch to get license at 18yo.
hohoho. :D
so must fast fast.

Headed home after shopping at Cold Storage.
Washed up and watch CSI Miami. :D
Duper shiok.

It's CSI Miami + CSI Miami.
Mac Taylor + Horatio.

- im still feeling quite sore, cos I didnt manage to go clubbing on friday.
cos im down with cough.
I know i wouldn't enjoy myself,when I am wheezing.-

So now, I am online.
And am supposed to do my PP.
So I am going to it.
JIAYOU! :D

- Sam, I hope your laptop is alright. :D -

ONE,TWO,THREE

2009-09-24T23:34:00.003+08:00

" I like bad boys, soldier type!.."

haha,
correction : BAD, HOT BOYS!

some of my girlfriends doesnt go for looks.
sadly, I do.
D:

i know its a bad thing, but at least.
you are more comfortable with someone..
worth and comfortable looking at.
-shit,im being such a bitch.-

ohwell,enough of that.
i guess, i have been PMSing way too much.
like totally.

i hanged up on people.
yes, i do that when im pissed.
well, overly-pissed.

blame it on the month.

i treat people like asses.
i know, what a bitch.
but i do it for a reason.

Not because i just do that for fun.
its because I am so irritated by that person.
or you can say 'accumulated irritation'.

forgive and forget sounds so damn easy.
but in fact, its difficult.
i tried so many times.
constantly brainwashing myself.
saying that its ok, but nawww.

it just bounces back into ur mind.
when you see that person doing the same thing.
over and over again.

I may look like some bitch that has 2 faces,
but im trying so bloody hard to hold on.
Hold on to the thread of the friendship.

All i can do is to grit my teeth and go..
Try to be nice, and hope it will work.
its kinda like hypnotizing myself.
sometimes it works,
when it doesnt, i use other methods.
DISTRACTION.

Also,
I want to clarify something.
I have been getting this response.

'I am always avoiding to talk on the phone'

Well, thats kinda true.
I dont favour talking on the phone.
Cos I realize I cant express myself clearly.

So please. dont be mad at me.
I am not avoiding anyone's call.
Nor is it I do not want to talk to you.
I just dont really like talking on the phone.

Or well, you can say I am lazy to talk on the phone.
i know,im horrible..

so please dont be angry,okay..?
to those people whom i love ever so so much.
remember. even if i dont talk to you.
or i didnt contact you.

Dont ever think I forgotten about you.
Cos best friends are always remembered in the heart.
You guys know who you are.

the G & the doubleS.
i love you guys ever so so much.
i cant say that surely for others.
but i am 100% sure i love u guys with my heart.

-----------------

AND I BLOODY HATE PP!

NAWW, i still love u as much. :D

2009-09-18T23:17:00.007+08:00

SUGAR - RUSH

Woke up late for gym today.
Got a wake-up / 'u are so late' call from sam at 09:41.
ZARGH!
i overslept. D:

Dragged my body at super speed cos sam is no longer free next week.
So must cherish the time. :D

Arrived at the gym at 10:28am.
Ran & did some lifts.

After that, I got kidnapped.
(well, i went voluntarily too. xD)
Went to grace house to bathe while sam go fix her lappy.

Grace's bathroom showerhead is soo cool!
Like those you see in Taiwan dramas.
Then borrowed Grace's big tshirt to wear. :D

Sam came over and grace taught her how to play the piano.
Our current fave piece :
Yiruma -River Flows in You.
(go google it.)

learn a little bit, then headed out to find Jayne at AMK.
Once we came out, it started drizzling!
So we hurried to the bus stop.

At the bus stop, we took some pictures.
hehe. :D

Sam look so adorable here.
:D

edited version

Next was this. xD
(EPIC!!~)

Sam was brooding over lappy,
and Grace did something.
i dont know what but its super funny.

edited version

hahah. xD
love the emoticons.

So, we caught 25 to AMK.
went there to have Pepper Lunch, AGAIN!
yesterday once, today again!

I ate the same thing,AGAIN!
haha, so we went over to the shop houses.
to purchase jayne's necessity stuff for the bangkok trip.
:D

walk walk around and bought KOI cafe drinks again.
seriously,it is so darn good.
Then,we headed over to AMK as it was raining.

And Arcade time AGAIN!.
finally, found someone like Jayne.
like to play Aracade one.
haha. :D

After that, sam's friend came along.
Hang out tgt, then had to part ways.
Grace and Raymond went to work.
Jayne, Sam and her friend + me,
go to game shop find psp games.
hurhur.

after that, we went to check..
where I got my SHOESSSS..
my new haivanas slippers. :D
(i love BLUEEEE!)

After that,Jayne left for her grandmother house.
then i followed sam and john to hougang green.
to have arnolds chicken.

quite nice, love the chips.
then headed back home.
i love my shoeee. :D

Now currently, waiting to see if sammy's lappy working or not.
*cross finger*

I NEED GO DO PP!, SHIIIT~

-----------------------

Also, I just realized that my firefox damn cool.
sia la!
it's cool to the maximummm!

this is what happens when I press another tab.
I have pictures instead of white empty window! :D
hurhur.
and my FF skin is so pretty!

lilies. :D

AWESOME to the MAX!~

Show the world what ur made of!

2009-09-17T22:49:00.003+08:00

" dot dot dot. :D "

ANNOUNCEMENT for HOTTEST
(or people supporting JAY of 2PM.)

PROJECT J(AY)

Next Saturday ;
- 26th of September
- At 2PM
- Outside Orchard MRT
- Wearing either BLACK or WHITE
- Posters and Support Placards are welcomed!

We as, sgHOTTEST will show our support towards JAY.
So, we are gonna meet up and take some pictures.
Anybody ON? :D
Please tell me u can make it!!
TT__TT

---------------------------------------------------

HOTTEST devotion and support towards Jay & 2PM.

This announcement is AMAZING..!
JJANG!~

------------------------------------------------------

seriously,my body clock is malfunctioning.
i sleep late at night.
wake up in the noon.
and get sleepy in the evening.

wrong man, school is starting in a week ++.
and my damn PP.
urgh, i see my friends halfway through.
now im worried.
shit.

Had pepper lunch for dinner.
I still ate the usual ; beef cheese pepper rice.
hurhur.
next time gonna try sukiyaki, beef! :D

heading for gym tml!
with besties. :D
hope i can wake up.
TT__TT

s a m + g r a c e = e u n i c e
(random again)

urgh, im so bloody pissed right now.
i dont care whether is JYP right or not.
he is so SUPER DUPER +
(word i wanna say, but may get me a lawsuit if seen) STUBBORN.

URGHHHH!
6 MEMBER 2PM?!
damnit.
the hurt our ONEDAY is feeling.

i cant describe it.
seriously, we HOTTEST are hurting so badly now.
damnit.

i dont want jay as a solo artist.
not another RAIN if JYP is planning so.
i seriously wanna smack JYP hard on the head.

u lost Rain, but u cannot use jay.
ok, put him back into 2PM.
urgghhhhH!

i need him back!~

HO HO HO! :D

2009-09-17T02:42:00.003+08:00

" One & Only; 박재범 "

I will learn the..
"Cant Hear, Cant See & Cant Speak" method.

Because, I find it useful in times like this.
I feel so hurt to see things that bring back old and bad memories.

But it just keeps appearing near you.
Ohyes, it always does.

Right now,
currently in a procrastination mood.
Don't feel like doing anything.
I just want to sit here and do nothing.

Well, I shall just update my life in this pretty blog.

So on a monday, which was on the 14th..
Played badminton with Grace, Sam and Jayne. :D
play until my hand no strength.

after that,went over to grace house.
Jayne played a piece by Yiruma.
'River Flows In You'...
(didnt know Yiruma was a KOREAN!)
JJANG!~

Its amazing cos Jayne plays it by ear.
She doesnt read the notes.
So cool!~

After that, Grace played the same one.
Its amazing too.
im so green with envy.
I wanna learn how to play piano too.
Too bad old people learn things SLOW.

After hearing a piece,
we went upstairs to try a new gadget Grace brought home.
Actually, her dad bought it as a mistake.
Thinking it was some sit-up machine.
P.S : its actually an Inverter Table.

Tried it and got off it after screaming.
haha.
jayne and sam tried it too.
much braver than me.

Headed into grace's & jiapei's room.
went to watch jiapei's performance. :D
awesome sia!

Then after taking a picture.

We decided to go for Pepper Lunch at Hougang mall.

Took the shadow pics (ABOVE!) outside grace's house.
The ah pek walking by thought we were 'SIAO' + 'SOT'.
Standing in the hot sun and posing with weird signs.

Met Grace boyfriend near hougang mall.
First time meeting, very nice guy!
(thumbs up for Grace!!)

After Lunch, we suddenly had an idea of gg for ARCADE!
BUT!!
Arcade at hougang mall is complete FAIL!

So we head to Ang Mo Kio Hub to play. :DD
Took bus there, and chit chat.
Talked about naming our pets in different names.
And what will we name our kids as.
lol.

Reached AMK and went into PLC.
Jayne said she love the rabbit there.
Which lead to her 'died-ed' bubble tea.

P.S : we went to KOI cafe at AMK there.
the bubble tea just spells AWESOME. :D
Had fun at the arcade.
Played loads of games.

Spent 3 hours there and had lots of FUN!
:D
chit chat then headed back for grace's house.
collect our bags. :D

On the way, we were going a little bit crazy,
we started talking about Mr Bean and Ms Swan.
My all time favourites!
Jiapei and Sam mimicked Ms Swan.
so funny.

Then jayne said about the Miss Singapore.
Whose english is completely EPIC!
Ok la, my english also not anywhere.
But seriously, this shows that beautiful people..
Sometime REALLY lack of brains.

Not all though. :D
Except that one who said to wear something which 'BOOMs'.
Yes,you heard it right.
Miss Singapore said that.
Tsk.
Standard dropping.

SIA girls are the chio-est one.
But now...
Standard + Quality has certainly dropped.
TSK!!

(ohya, i was completely bag-less that day, only had wallet,camera and phone.)
hoho, first time experience.

Took our bags and say bye bye.
and that grace went to show us some flattened dead rat.
damn disgusting.
*shudders*

Walked to the bus stop with Jayne and Raymond. (yeap,Grace BF!)
then chit chat lo.
they boarded the bus and after 5 minutes 62 arrived.
Kept dozing off in the bus.
was so tired.

Got home, bathed, use internet then sleep.

19.09.09

Went out with joce and yenxi to PLUCK.
(yes, sam.. i wanna bring u there!!~)

Took pictures and headed to Haji Lane.
Experimented with the Polaroid me and my bro bought.
3 pretty pictures. :D
loved it.

Went into ;the blogshop.
saw the camera i wanted.
TT__TT

but it costs $88.
Superlicious tempting.

Went back to Bugis Junction.
walk walk around, bought earrings and a rose ring.
:D

joce bought 2 pairs of shoes.
hoho.

anyway,thats it.
im so sorry, im like super tired now!
TATAS! :D

- mistake happens.
and well, i mistook actions and reacted weirdly.
i dunno, thinking too much perhaps?! -

소원을 말해봐!~

2009-09-14T01:02:00.003+08:00

" No, I have a wish to tell instead.. "

Break a heart, Break a leg.
(Well, 'break a leg' actually means good luck.)
I hope all goes well for jae to come back.

Went forum and twitter stalking,
and found some very good articles about Jaebeom.

Koreans do not understand what is it for Jae to be in Korea.
Lack Of Understanding

Also, the JYPE boycott.
Well, to those who still thinks that JYP isnt wrong.
This may open your eyes to see what's really going on.
This article made sense to me,finally.

(But i too feel that this boycott will hurt our 6 other boys.)

BOYCOTT JYPE project and REASONS why!

Netizens are like murderes without weapons.
Ohno, they do have weapons.
Their fingers and their malicious words.

EunHyuk from Super Junior;
posted something on his cyworld.

"Celebrities live on stage, but dies on the internet.."

I totally agree.
And I empathise with them.
Being entertainers, you always have to be so careful.

It's as if you are in a trap house.
Everywhere you go, there's a trap laid ahead.
Any action you make = consequences you will face.
There are also 'helpers' that shoves you into the traps,
whenever your not careful or when they are unhappy.

I feel so upset for these boys.

(I am thinking of making a video to support Jaebum and 2PM,
whose in?!)

Regarding the boycott, I have to say I agree to it.
BUT!!
I have something to say..

@theincomplete2PM oppas;

It must be very sad for oppas to see that HOTTEST are doing these to you.
We know that all of you are suffering.
Wooyoung oppa, you have grown thinner, you know?

But HOTTEST actions are not directed to you.
Not to the 6 of you.
We,HOTTEST will never want to see you get hurt.
But we must show your manager,Jin Young Park;
that he didn't do his best to protect our Leadaja.

All he gave was shabby responses or blaming our Leader.
We know that Leadaja has done wrong.
(but people, please understand him!!)
And we forgive him, but..
Was it due to pressure from Media and
fear of ticking off the people who were filling his pockets,
that Leadaja had to bear ALL consequences.
With no one standing behind him during these 4 days..

We thought as a Boss, he should do something.
But, we are upset with the results.

So, incomplete2PM oppas..
We all love you guys.
But we need our Leader back,
and well the happy 2PM days back.

사랑해,박재범
사랑해,2PM.
당신은 돌아올 것이다
am I right?
(you will come back..)

HOTTEST needs you!
2PM needs you!

7 - 1 = 0

- did it at wee morning. 3am.. :D -
with what i can find, pencil,paper,eraser and red marker. :D

"A sheep needs it shepherd.
And just like a group of sheep, we have lost our Shepherd.
Please, bring him back to us."

-so exhausting and heartbreaking-

@jae;ourLEADAJA.

You have been going to church every morning,right?
Like you, all of us are praying hard.
No matter what religion we are, we pray.
Pray that you would be back.

We don't know when you will be back,
but all we need to know, is..
Will you be back?
For us? For 2PM? For HOTTEST?

The whole world is praying for you.
Be it in Korea, in the States, in Asia, in Singapore, in SEA.
We all pray and await your return.

And thank you to your friend, Yoon.
We know you're doing well (healthy).
And Jae, we will wait for you. :D

-------- Nothing Matters, when you're by my side. -----

So many things I wanna do.
Make a t-shirt that says..

2PM
7-1 = 0
Park Jaebum, Kim Junsu,Nickhun,Ok Taecyeon,
Jang Wooyoung,Lee Junho,Hwang Chansung.

wonder how much would it be. :/
(if best put the words in Hangul..)

Make a Youtube Video to support all.
And remind wooyoung + 2PM to eat (inclu. Jae)

- Need More People. -
:D

Hwaiting! :DDD

Tear me apart.

2009-09-13T01:28:00.003+08:00

"To know,is your choice.."

I did in whatever means I can do for Jae.
Now I only can wait and pray.

Met zul,shida,hayati at Starbuck today.
Did our jae petition form and such.
(i just want you back..)

Feeling so sad over the things I hear.
The update on Wikipedia of 2PM.
The dream concert 2009 poster being edited.
The uncertain future of 2PM.
Boycotting of 2PM in thailand.
(yes,its at thailand now.)

It continues.
I just cant bear to go Soompi now.
So heartbreaking to see the siggies with Jae all over it.

Jaebum & 2PM, we will support you as always.
I just hope that Singapore HOTTEST wont turn on you (2PM).
Even if they do, I wont.

Cos if there is still 2PM.
there is hope that jaebum will come back.

----------------------------

I wanna cut bangs again.
but my pimples seriously loves me too much.
damnit.

Lemme go try a week of bangs.
lol. :D

Did the best today.
Wrote what i could in the petition.
Recieved much comments on the petitions.

I know JYP shouldnt be handling the blame.
But personally, I think JYP should do more than just that.
(no,i am not killing with my fingers.)

ohgosh, im losing focus.
so sad now.

and gosh, sometimes BGR relationship stinks.
Cant we just keep the line OBVIOUS.
Between being friends and being couples?

Some people just dont get it.
Yes, I rather over assume than taking chances.
I dont want to blame a failed relationship on a friend.
No point.

I also have myself to blame.
Trying to seperate this 2 issues is proving to be difficult for me.
First, I have been on the single status for a year plus?
Second, I seriously am too confused of what I am doing.
Third, I have tons of girlfriends. Only a minimal amnt of guy friends.
(some are not even friends. -_-)

Damnit.
What can I do?
To ignore or to carry on?
Cos I dont want a relationship to happen.
I need space.

Naww, if I were to date him..
I rather not be friends with him.
No, is I rather forgo the chances of having guy friends,
if I have to date him.

I dont want things to happen over again.
It scares me.
I dont want love to become something so.. crappish.

ok,blame me.
im in a midst of PMS-ing again.
I dont want this BGR thing to happen.
Not now, only till I found the perfect one.

Heard about this from sam.
Mind Your Language ; Kill or Cure part 3.

funny old classic.
can improve sense of humour.

To Jaebum

2009-09-08T15:48:00.003+08:00

"Wild cries are heard through the rampage.."

Can you hear me crying?
Well, I am..

Oppa, I didnt know why did you ended up quiting.
Even though HOTTEST took our stand, doing our best.
We already promised that HOTTEST will support 2PM.
But you leave us in this state.

All of us are headed for the black hole.
I believe 2PM oppas aren't feeling good too.
They must be crying.

Your room mates;
wooyoung and junho oppa.
your translator:
taecyeon oppa
your italian maknae:
Chansung.
Satoori Junsu
and pretty boy nickhun..
whom u said you were jealous of.

I can feel their pain now.
HOTTEST are crying..
2PM is crying..
Even though training days were hard,
the boys had you..

Now, the 2nd album..
I wonder how will they survive.
i do not even know the future of 2PM now.

Is HOTTEST really just a flame,
that dies out with a splash of water?
Will you come back and relight the flame?

Because 2PM's & HOTTEST are linked.
Even though we don't know each other,
but our hearts are with you ever since there was a 2PM.

Please..
Come back, we need you.

Hottest need you, 2PM needs you.
come back..

2PM fate..

Jae's statement..

Pissy Fit?!

2009-09-07T00:10:00.003+08:00

"Steaming? Steaming Buns, you were saying?"

NAWW!
this is so damn friggin' unfair to Jae!
Come On!!

Haters,you guys suck big.
Wouldn't you have a pissy fit like jae?!
If you were to come to a foreign country with a different language.
Ohman,i feel pissed for jae!
TT ^ TT

Not knowing what I am saying?
It's this..

Jae's (flaming) MySpace comments
(by allkpop)

Apologies by Jae
(by allkpop)

WooYoung's encouragements
(by allkpop)

Come on!
Get a life.
It is SOOOO long ago.
Now wooyoung is getting bitten?
HEY!
dont get green when you see 2PM burning.
damn!

F*ck off, haters!
don't step on a PMSing fan girl's tail, tsk!

--------------------------

Emotion over burn!
crap!
You see, I feel really upset about some people around me.

You will never know these people who call themselves;
'Friend'..
When will they bite ur ass or flame you with a torch.

I am really mad to actually be tangled with people like this!
GOSH!
CRAPS!

Anyway, I have something funny.
It's the 2nd last episode of Wild Bunny.
Due to the recording of 2PM's 2nd album!
Aww man, i am so gonna miss all of them!
*saves money*

Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY 2PM!
4th September 2009

Episode 7 of Wild Bunny!

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

-----------------

I think 2PM rocks.
and SMEnt. has finally do something worth clapping for.
A skillful and powerul f(x).
Debuting with Lachata.

Amazing song, good vocals.
Looks, Skills, Vocals..
They are better than 4Minute.
Sorry Hyun-Ah.

Amber has bribed me with her looks and rapping skills.
I love her.
ok,im girl crushing.

People, LOOK FOR f(x).
Amazing group..!

Inkigayo performance!

AWESOME!~
I LOVEEE UUUU,amber!

hey shawty! :D

2009-09-06T01:17:00.003+08:00

"life is too short to hate.."

i had my cousin staying over tonight.
but only tonight.
unlike when we were younger.

more time..

now, we rarely even have time to go out.
its so sad.
TT__TT

i wish I can just spend more time with her.
like how I could previously.
lunch with her and stuff.

I have to admit, I hate growing up.
(i know im talking like a kid..)
but i really do wish.

sometimes, i just yearn to go back to the past.
where I could do better as an elder sister.
I could love her more and stuff.
*sighs*

Am I the only one not growing up?
Im pretty peeved though, about this..
"growing up too fast" thing.
*sighs*

After this few short hours together.
She will go home and I wont see her for another while.
Funny,right?
So close yet so far..

Now she's the vice head of the student council.
Doing things that I always lament about.
All those proposals and stuff.
I wonder what I was doing during secondary 2.
Partying and rebelling.
yes,that was what I am.

I am just amazed and stuff, really.
Would I say i regret?
I wont nor I will.
(in academic ways, probably yes)

But thats was how I grew up.
I grew up knowing these people...
Shaping me and stuff.
It is just another way of growing up.

----------------------------------------

Comparisons are meant to improve one.
But how can I see improvements when biasness was intended?
You always said "its ok.."
But you must be hating, I could see it in your eyes.
Cynicism.

You just pretend..
Everytime when I fault,
you never seem to reprimand..
Only to use snide remarks.

You said it was not,
but who can you lie to?
To yourself?
I can see and sense everything.
Every emotion around me.
You never seem to conceal them when you are with me.

Always stating that you are in pain,
I am forced to blame myself.
Only to look back and see myself crying.
I am in ruins, you never seem to care.

The best was to keep, the losers were to weep.
was that what you thought of me?
You were never on balance with your scale.
Tilting to the left,
only to get bitten.

Here, you run to me.
Cooing that I was worth.
But when you are up again,
I am deemed worthless in your eyes.

Tell me the truth.
I rather not pretend to see you like this.
Hating and Loving.
Black and White.

Lying to myself till the grave..
Is this what you want?
I will return you my soul, just release me.
I am better off dead when I am with you.
Only to be killed and revived when needed.

Keepsake, I dont belong to you.
I will stop trusting you..
---------------------------------------

emo.emo.emo.
yea, i have my emo days too.
I am feeling emo.
D:
--------------------------------

I saw what yenxi wrote about friends.
very touched. :D
tyty.

SpongeBob Mood Widget

2009-09-03T16:23:00.001+08:00

Chitty Chitty Chat Chat

2009-09-03T15:22:00.005+08:00

"nahh, boys are better than girls."
"but, girlfriends are BETTER than boyfriends.."

I tell u, talking to girlfriends are so fun.
but having male friends are awesome too. :D

here are some pictures!

On 27.08.09. :D

During today. :D
i love her forehead la!~

And I recalled about the incident that
I pinched her butt during school
and something happened. xD

Sam ironing clothes, today. :D
damn cool la.
FYI : I cant iron clothes.
lols.

I am bad.
I kinda betrayed her trust. :D
so sorry, sammy.

I was at her house yesterday.
Lounging over.
But I spilled noodles in her room.
damn clumsy la.
(must quite being so clumsy)
so bothersome.

Met her friends online.
Michelle and Vert.
very nice and friendly. (:

Then we watched Wild Bunnies (2AM/2PM)
Dirty Eyed Girls.
damn funny.
we couldnt stop laughing at Jo Kwon.
Seriously, Jo Kwon is LOVES!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I dont know, but a sense of foreboding makes me quite uneasy.
Like I have seen to have stopped talking to a friend I love.
sheesh, its bad,right?
TT x TT

Anyhoo, im heading out with girlfriend later on.
Yeaps, its Yenxi. :D
she go cut hair and then go out with me
hohoh.
i need to have dinner outside, and im starving.

Due to package I had to collect from postman,
I woke up at 8am.
Waited from 8am till 1pm.
Finally, the thing came.
:/

And I didnt have anything to eat.
So poor thing. TT__TT

gosh, plus..
I am super interested to play Ju-On on WII.
cool sia.
but i may just keep freaking and dying.
then I will start getting pissed and and start cussing.
lols. xD

anyhoo, also gonna do PP with Keith and Andy plus girlfriends.
I am getting worried about this.
Tsk!!

Decided to get 2 album from weinthezone. :D
yay!
sam helped me with my decision.

Sweet Vacation

2009-09-02T01:33:00.004+08:00

" You look at girls when your with me..
Nahh, I dont care no more. "

Yoohoo.
My blog is once again empty.
I will update everything.
I promise.

Anyway. Samantha is back from Japan.
and well, Jaz flew to Hong Kong today.
Ohwell.

As I was saying..
Samantha is back from Japan.
So I was talking to her on MSN.

And then she said something which I thought..
was for another person.
But well, it was actually for me.
lols.

--------------------------------

I have been pretty disturbed by this.
I have not yet touched my PP.
damnit.
but thank goodness, some automatic people jio-ed me.
and that reminded me.
damn, will jiayou!
and must start doing.

"MR.PROCRASTINATE,
GET OUT OF MY LIFE!"
But do come back when I need a break

All I need to do,is bring out my hardisk and drag it into my desktop.
Easy as that,right?
No, you are wrong.
It is so dreadful to even ask my brain to do this action.
Gosh, pure painful and torture.
I hate doing work.
Esp; Mental ones.

Urgh, another thing is..
I am out of money.
really badly, and I need a job.
shit.
seriously, 2 ways.

1 - find a job
2 - stop spending as much
3 - get a life and work my ass off.

but wait, didn't i mention..
I hate doing mental work?
urgh,someone drive Mr.Lazy out too.

My Lazy, get out of my life.
It's time to contaminate someone else..
no, i dont need you to come back again. SHOO!

Next issue is..
The thought of my DSLR..
Iono..

But i realized that my DSLR is not working well.
No, it didnt malfunction of what.
But the pictures came out horribly.
It doesnt even look sharp!

Hohoho, I found the solution.
It seems that noob DSLR photographer,
has totally forgotten about ISO and stuff that needs to be adjusted.

SO i see it in another light..
It means DSLR are not meant for people who prefer SIMPLE and FAST
Digital Cams are your/My pets.
:D

----------------

And yes, I have watched 2 movies so far..
First, is The Proposal
starring : Sandra Bullock & Ryan Reynolds

I watched it with my parents.
Good show, nice plot..
And!! Hot body.
damn, Ryan Reynolds have a HOT HOT HOT body.
love the dog in the movie!
(LOVES!)

Next, was watching UP
with my girlfriends; yenxi and jocelyn

I gotta say..
The movie wasn't as good as I expected it to be.
But it certainly has it's charms.
Like family values and stuff kids should learn.
(From the GOOD guys)

It was a lil boring at first,
but laughters will be produced when you watch it!
(thank goodness, if it was with my family..
I think everyone will fall asleep!)

---------------------

Escapade

2009-08-28T01:03:00.004+08:00

"Baby, tell me the truth..."

Hohoh, got this from allkpop.com

These are the questions 2PM has for us.. so it will be pretty interesting for me to reply,hmmm...

1. "We've noticed the increasing love from fans. We're really thankful for all the love and support, but we would like to know WHY. What are 2PM's strong points as singers?"
--Junho

2. "2PM is always showing fans our real selves. But even so, fans still want to know our true characters. Why would they want to know about our private lives? We're just the way we're portrayed."
--Chansung

3. "Whenever I watch shows on tv, a lot of people say that they're fans of mine. But when I leave the office or attend fan events, not many people give me presents or seem excited to see me. Is that because I'm a difficult person to approach?"
--Nichkhun

Answers time

Soo,
1st . You guys have AMAZING live performances.
your voices sounds pretty solid when performing in MuBank.
And 2PM has angelic voiced Junsu + twinnie bro, Junho!
(not to mention the others. :D)

2nd. Hohoho, are u sureeeee?
We are just overly curious. :D
wanna know,wanna know.

3rd. Khun..
Do you think normal humans approach Angels?
Nope,we dont.
Haha,there got ur answers?
Cos you are magnificent.
U make us girls look like POOP beside u.. :/
(ok,prolly im exaggerating.. or am i right?)

I think im obsessed with 2PM.
damn,these boys have been appearing too much on TV
they make me wanna kidnap them and stash them in my closet. :/
hoho,wonder how will JYP react.
LOLS.

Maybe,i may just brainwash the boys.
lololol.
ok, eunice is having too much fun.
haha!!

YY, Khun and Taec are still mine!
So stop day-dreaming. xD

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~

Going out with my besties tml.
Jazreel & Yenxi!
Suntanning at Sentosa..
Awesome?
yea, missed those girls like mad..

It sounds kinda sad, but I remembered something.
I have fought with people,and not talk to her.
Cos i thought the difference was huge between us,
then I realised 'Hey! its time for me to see her again..'
But its too late,cos she's no longer in school.
*sighs*

Life is too short for us to live in regret. ):

Currently playing bumping stars on MSN with bestie!

- OK! BYE BYE, and sweet dreams :D -

PEEKTURES

2009-08-26T00:03:00.002+08:00

pictures, my darling.
peek into my pictures.

anyhoo, i didnt upload everything.
lol.

there is a hefty size of 200 pictures.
only uploaded 86 in PB.
^^

E U N I C E,thats me!

2009-08-24T22:27:00.002+08:00

"Soft hands caressed his face.."

AWW COME ON.
it's UT 3 last paper.
and im not so into studying.

damn.
:/

anyway,been having loads of headaches.
*sighs*

seriously,i need a good looking friend or boyfriend now.
cos im dying here.
time for me to manhunt.
lol.

*RANDOM*
damnit.

Do you remember?

2009-08-23T15:30:00.004+08:00

" Boys are meant to make girls cry.. "

Yes, I mean its true.
Relationships are so damn complicating.

You have to commit to it.
You have to do something to keep it alive.
You have to remember NOT to get bored of that person your facing.

urgh, even after 2 years of singlehood.
i still think the 'single' status is awesome.

yea yea..
i know, boyfriends are awesome too.
but thinking it far far ahead, wont it be too exhausting?

Why am I saying all these?
Because one of my besties is hurt.
And I hate it when my besties gets hurt.
It makes me sad too. :(

G-Dragon's HEARTBREAKER

requested by a bestie of mine.
this song is pretty awesome.
im gonna purchase this album of his.
and MC MONG's Humanimal.

damn,the songs inside have very strong meaning.
love it! (lovessss!)

anyway.
i still have 2 UTs left.
and that kinda conclude the end of my E44M Journey.

feel kinda unwilling to part with them.
Even though, this wasnt a blasting crazy journey.

but little pieces of memories makes me feel very warm.
I think i will miss the guys talking nonsense and such.
I will miss disturbing nellyn and YY.
i will miss getting nagged by SiYun and Amanda..
I will miss those days when we contemplate to zhao.
And also, the days where we had lunch together.

I will miss E44M, after all..
This was a part of my life. :D

Shall bring my SLR to meet my classmates! :D
hurhurhurs!

Memories are sometimes etched like a Tattoo...

Ok,byebye.
Need to chiong alr.
haha. xD

P.S :
I really dislike it when people says things, just to rub it into your face.
Time to grow up and think before you speak.
It hurts people when you rub information into their faces.
Grow Up!
hmmph!~

Lasting Impression

2009-08-18T21:31:00.002+08:00

"Have you forgotten the stories we shared?..."

I just came home from dinner with my parents at Sakae.
Also,I have transferred the money for the earrings.
yay!

Headed for Popular...
and I saw my cousin,Freda!

I haven't seen her for ages,
and she's all so grown up.
TT ^ TT

Entered Popular after saying bye too Freda,
and was welcomed by the sight of many Vampire related stories..
All thanks to Stephanie Meyer..
There are SO many vampire stories out here.

And well, I didnt go read its description.
BUT, its always the same storyline.
Girl loves Guy.
Guy/ Girl is a vampire.
Weird thing happens, and end of story..

So typical, sighs..
I wish to read something more than that. :/

Anyway, i am currently watching
KBS 'He,who cant marry'.
It is hilarious. xD

Also, I heard Big Bang's Sunset Glow on.
YAY! (:

P.S : Daesung is injured after shooting Family Outing.
He was in an accident after coming back from the shoot.
I hope he recovers soon.
Cos without the Dumb & Dumber bros, I would die of boredom.
Not really, but it would just be less entertaining.
:/

---------

UT is on tml.
It sucks like hell..
JIAYOU!

A.W.E.S.O.M.E

2009-08-17T21:22:00.002+08:00

"How do you spell AWESOME?"

this is how you spell it..

You see,these KARA girls did a pretty good job of singing 2PM's Again & Again.
dayumm.
The dance was pretty good.
Just that inkigayo's mike are ALWAYS notorious for messing up.
:/

I loved it! (LOVES&SPASMS)

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~

This is SUPER HOT

I wonder did the trip to Seattle make Jay extra hot?
Cos his hair is sexy to the max.
This is basically the boys singing those history songs.
(i believe those that got no.1)

The songs were from Fink.L, Rain (ex-JYP star) , JYP (himself).
I donno bout the rest,but this was awesome.
Inkigayo's mike sucks as much,but 2PM was plain awesome.

The dance was great, Taec looked SEXY (yummm)
Seattle Leader looks adorable,and Khun..
He's a sexy hot hunky guy.
(drools)

2PM ROCKS! and PWN ASSES!!~

- credits to Alex! he showed me the link. (: -

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~

But whats NOT awesome.
Is the bloody UT3's..
shit them to core of hell!

I hate UTs, and worse.. studying for it.

BUT!
studying really PAYS off..
u know whyyyeee?

Cos i got a B+ (SO DAMN NEAR A GRADE A!)
i think i was 9 marks short of getting full marks.
shit,right?

But as for the other UTs..
all is PASS only.
freak,man..

must do better for this time round.. :/

EUNICE, HWAITING!

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~

And FYI, I LOVE
FAMILY OUTING AND 2PM WILD BUNNY!

these 2 shows always manage to make my day.
(and make me spend ALOT of time)

Haha, 2PM can never get as real as they can in WILD BUNNY.
lol.
i love 2PM.
Really hope to date a guy like Taec or Jae.
:/
(saranghae!~)

And FAMILY OUTING..
I assure, no.. SWEAR to you..
Watching this will confirm make you laugh till you cry..
And make you cry till you laugh..

Daesung & JaeSuk,
the Dumb & Dumber combo.
LOLs.

Love Hyori and her manly attitude.

Gosh,if this go on..
I dont need study already..
hahah.

I like candy,but certainly not Ear Candy

2009-08-13T23:38:00.003+08:00

" You sound nice,but I prefer you NOT to be my ear candy.."

I seriously, do have my reasons when I said that..
Because..
Ear Candy sounds like Ear Wax. --__--

Artist ; Baek Ji Young ft 2PM Taecyeon beast
Song : My ear candy

Review :
Songs sounds ok, not a bit catchy (to me).
If I didnt know this was sang by Taec & Baek JiYoung unnie..
I wouldnt have known that this was a KOREAN song.

Because the music and beats made it sound so CANTO!
(cantonese,i meant...)
And how they digital-ized BJY & Taec's voices, made it WORST.
The best part was them singing "WO AI NI"..
(which meant I LOVE YOU in mandarin)

But I am pretty much happy to hear/see Taec's part in this song!
He's almost singing the same amount of lyrics that BJY is singing.
So HURRAHH for 2PM recognition! (:

As for the MV.
The points for creativeness and art will be : 4/10
First,the outfits made them look SUPER futuristic (and horrid)
BJY fashion wasn't much a scare though.
But wait,yes..
Her wig kinda made me go (O_O)

Taec was the one that made me LAUGH.
First of all, I LOVE HIM.
(this beast boy is one of my fave in 2PM)

His fashion is pretty much messed up.
First, the accessories!
The glasses/sunglasses/BLINDS..
(the one that Beyonce wore in one of her MV)

Even though Taec only appeared twice with it.
I was pretty much like "WTH did I see on Taec's face?"
So,its a HUGE 'NO-NO'
It makes Taec looks like 妈祖..
(Goddess of The Sea; The goddess who watches over fisherman at the sea)
(no offense to christians;esp Taec)

Next the white LIPPIE!
oh my HOLY CROW.
He looks like he got stucked in the desert for YEARS.
And have not drank a single drop of water. -__-

Lastly, the futuristic white 'suit' and that NERD/GEEK hair.
Ohgosh,total WRONG combo.
X - X

Im done reviewing this song.
~~It's not awful,but neither is it pleasant for me.~~
I take this back!!
I have been listening to it for the 3rd time..
And well,its rubbing on me. (maybe....)
I am more of fast and beats that have a higher key..
This sounds too 'Ge Tai' too.. -__-

I just hope that BJY remains as a ballad or a soft pop songer.
No electronica..
I love BJY's song.
All her previous songs were LOVEESS!!!
I really love to hear her sing slow songs..
Saranghaeyo,BaeJiYoung.. (:

Post 401

2009-08-13T13:53:00.003+08:00

"hallelujah!"

Is it you or is the world changing?
This puzzles me so.
Human minds are ever so fickle and strange.

Let me look into you and let me understand.
Tell me, what can I do?
Will history ever repeats itself again..

Time flies.
It's the start of week 15 now.
So fast, but it still dont make sense.

Let me know what I shall do?
Make me understand.
show me the way,will you?

------------- sweets-------

1,2,3,4... re-run

2009-08-10T00:20:00.003+08:00

"screw the innocence..."

yes,again..
it's just a random statement.
(LOLS)

I can see this blog getting a little wasted.
like one of my besties mentioned;
without anyone looking through your blog feels weird.
As if the blog has lost it function.

But I have realised that I am blogging for the sake..
Of reminiscing the past when I read what happened during those days..
blushing or shaking my head in embarrassment when recalling those memories.

For me,life has been pretty much simple.
But just by recalling those memories..
Even how tough the situation maybe..
Certain things just brighten that tiny spec of your life, even for a little while.

Sadly, I haven't been sharing as much happiness I was supposed to..
Instead,ramblings & cussings seems to fill this blog.
Including gushing moments about boys. (haha)

--Ok,enough of this weird passage... -

So,to fill in the gaps.
It has been past 13 weeks since entering this class.
E44M

This class has strangely left me with an impression.
Bits and pieces.
It maybe due to my failing memory that is making me remember so little.

I have met the first fanboy in this class.
Alex.
Talked about Big Bang with him.
And shared info about 2PM,etc.
And it was in Ji AiDong's class.
The facci whom I call JAD.

Made friends with a girl in class.
Yiying;Kayla..
And it was in the ECD Module.
There, I showed her about 2PM.
lol at the Nickhun crush.

Next was making friends with the special one.
The one whom call everyone either by..
'Mummy or Sayang'
Amanda.
The sweetest person i have ever met.
Her heart is of pure gold.
lols.. xD

Aigoo.. I cant blog alr. bleahh

Bugger Bugger Bugger.

2009-07-28T00:34:00.003+08:00

"Oh goodness gracious me.."

Hello cruel world.
I have met my match.

A HP laptop DIED on me..
On a monday morning.
and I did not backup all my shit stuff.

damnit,im having a bitch fit right now.

but thanks to my family.
who is always so supportive.

The first thing my mum said after all the sarcasm..
Was ; "lets get u a laptop.."
My dad also said the same.
gosh,i really do love my parents.

thank u so much.

then next was friends.
first was ms bestie : Shandy.
she was comforting me.
TT ^ TT

Next was Mr IT-IKEA man.
Keith!
i really owe him HEAPS.
he gave me advice and such.
thank u keith!

now is samantha the fishy head..

i thank buddha for all these awesome people u place in my life.

-my head hurts-

Now,I so wanna SUE HP.
damn HP for u lousy laptop.
u stupid "£$%
screw HP.

but what laptops should i get?
DELL,ASUS,ACER,FUJITSU?

damn..

@£$%^

*curse and swear*

ohyea..
im not interested in BGR right now.
so

Share & Care

2009-07-23T22:56:00.001+08:00

lols, wanted to share something for all to de-stress.
i bet u guys have heard it or not,
BUT! this is super cute.

it's the ad for Cadbury Chocolate.

I think these 2 kids are amazing.
great eyebrow dance. (:
the song was catchy too,lols.

saw it last friday on Shaw House Screen.
haha,damn cute!

Eunice on a Monday

2009-07-20T13:03:00.002+08:00

"I dont like you"
*throws*

today is a monday.
and its so damn blue-ish.
TT__TT

But lessons for today is pretty fine.
I did my work use the SAP program.
I am thankful to have this facci here.
She teaches us to willingly.
sometime i feel so bad of making use of her..

But the worse has yet to come.
It's my UT!
and its on Engineering Cost Decision.
Gosh,im so scared! ):

I really cant afford to fail any mods.
damn.

Going over to find mummy at Taka later.
hope to cheer myself up.
but i have another thing to be happy about.

Im gonna meet my girlfriends later!
Samantha & Grace on wednesday!
yeaaa!

-but the sad thing is 2PM has ended their promotion activites.-
Ohwell,I really wanna see them in Singapore this august.
haha. (:

If 2PM can ever see this,(dream on,eunice!),
But one can dream right?
So..

This is my message to 2PM!!
2PM oppas,hwaiting!
Even though I didnt watch ur last performance.
But from the soompi's thread,
I believe u guys did well!
(sorry,ur dear fan is just too busy with all the tests!)
mianhae!~

It is sad that we can no longer spazz while watching ur perf.
Nor can we prepare to scream with k-Hottest.
But we know its good, cos you oppas, can finally rest!

Rest well and Prepare another yet wonderful album!
Be careful when your practicing.
Dont get injured,it hurts our hearts.
We,HOTTEST are always behind you boys!

Well, as Singapore's HOTTEST..
I really wanna see you oppas in Singapore!!
During this august..
Oppa,towajusehhyo!
Help your dear fans de-stress! (:

Anyway,i have bought your 'Again & Again' album.
I hope you will come and sign it for me!
And the posters!! AHHH!
ottuhkae! xD

So,just a small small request..
Listen to us,fans..
Be healthy and Come to Singapore!
xD
saranghae!~

-end of eunice's delirious msg-

Yea,this is how MUCH i love 2PM.
lols,i missed them.. (:

day by day

2009-07-17T12:47:00.004+08:00

"No.. No.. No...!"

It's a Friday,hell YEAHHH!
im gonna go cedele 'mumm mumm'.

But today got UT,and this module for today is tiring too.
Excel AGAIN!. -_-
Sia la, we cannot escape the clutches of Excel.

Anyway, today started off pretty ok.
But sometimes, I feel overbeared by the energy around me
Gosh, thats so much for a person who is sensitive as me.

Maybe I am talking crap,
but I have a tendency to 'feel' the energy around me.

Emitting from different people.
Thats why I can 'feel' that people like Shandy & Samantha
has this very cheerful,uplifting energy around the.
Whereas, I can 'feel' comfort emitting from Grace,Jazreel & Amanda(s).
These friends of mine produce very positive energy..
Thats why its difficult not to hang out with them.

But for the people I am meeting nowadays,
They just emit horrible energy.
Urgh,hate it..

And I am very sure of this intuition of mine.
Cos what I have said during the past really came true now.
So,yea.. (:
Im good,lols.

back to class! (: